Wilfred: Man's Best Nightmare

Four seasons of Wilfred over the week has finally come to an end and I am still not sure if Ryan found happiness. The show is about a man named Ryan who is trying to commit suicide when his neighbor asks him to watch her dog Wilfred last minute due to an emergency. To the world, Wilfred is a dog, to Ryan, he is an Australian guy in a dog suit that talks to him. This quirky buddy comedy follows the adventures of a man and his neighbor's dog and their very screwed up relationship. Wilfred is four seasons long and originates from Australia. It will also have its own version of the show reincarnated on Russian television soon.

Ryan still can't believe he is getting baked with a talking dog

Down and Dirty : [Just How You Like it]

Wilfred is funny and adorable comedy, but does get a bit bizarre toward the end. The conclusion wasn't as satisfying as I had hoped because it was inconclusive on Ryan's happiness. Perhaps the answers were never meant to be sought by Ryan, but experienced and understood as one large adventure of life.

A theme that is prevalent throughout the series is the philosophy of dogs coming into your life at the right time for a reason, much like guardian angels. But think of this dog as more of a bad acid trip as Ryan tries to figure out whether Wilfred's existence is real or if he is just crazy like his mother.

The first two seasons are light-hearted and tug at the heart strings. One of the more unique things about the series is with the start of each episode a quote appears and a word pops into the foreground, becoming the theme of each episode. While the ending of each episode has some of the best parts as you get to spend time watching Ryan and Wilfred interact in their own very screwed up way. The entire show is very psychological and delves into pieces of emotional issues that the audience can relate to. By Season 3 and 4, the theme of the show becomes really dark as they spend a lot of time screwing with your head about Wilfred's existence. This show grows tremendously on you and is therapeutic in certain ways when you start reflecting on your own life.

Characters:

The first few episodes are maybe strange for some people, but the connection with the characters and their relationships catch on quick. What is great about this show is the perception of people rather than the people themselves. Everyone is human and no one is a strong stereotype of a type of person, but rather good people with flaws. Making them balanced and likable characters no matter where they stem from personality wise.

Ryan:

Ryan is very much like the rest of us. Doesn't know where he fits in with the world, has issues holding him back and isn't sure how to fix them.

Elijah Wood is adorable as the sensitive, lost soul and does an amazing job at portraying Ryan's struggles. Because of this, Ryan is a very likable character, even when he is wrong. His relationship with Wilfred at first is strange, but he becomes very dependent on his charming bastard of a friend as time goes on. Ryan learns a lot about himself and the pain he struggles with when Wilfred forces him to address them little by little. The best scene in the series is when Ryan is crying over his break up with Amanda and Wilfred curls up to him to comfort him. As screwed up as their relationship was, Ryan needed Wilfred as much as Wilfred needed him.

Wilfred:

Wilfred is Jenna's dog that she has had since he was a pup. To everyone else, he is an actual dog, but what he looks like to Ryan is something more, the friend he never had. Wilfred has been called everything from a demon to a mystical creature to a God. But whatever he is, he came at the right time when Ryan was in need of a friend the most.

Because of this, Ryan's existence becomes less dark and lonely and more chaotic as he tries to control Wilfred's insistent desire for him to face his demons. The most interesting part about Wilfred is how well Jason Gann wrote in the dog like behaviors and details of Wilfred's character. Sure he is mostly an obnoxious animal who doesn't seem to have any discipline, but he is amusing, charming and downright fun to watch. The things he says is the best part about his character as he uses colorful language and coughs up hair brain ideas to drag Ryan into.

Jenna:

Jenna is Ryan's crush. She is literally the girl next door and Ryan spends most of his time trying to tell her how he feels, but never ends up gaining the courage to so do. We spend a lot of time watching Ryan do things to impress her and eventually stay away due to Jenna's boyfriend being around.



 

Drew:

Drew is Jenna's boyfriend and eventual husband in the show. Drew is a macho man, but not as douchey of a character as people might think. We want to hate Drew, but he really isn't that bad of a guy and he treats Ryan like a friend even though they have nothing in common besides being neighbors and Jenna's dog, Wilfred. He may not be the sensitive, romantic type, but he is a nice person and I really liked him up til the end, despite my urge for both Ryan and Jenna to be together.

 

 


 Bear:

Bear is basically a semen filled, giant stuffed teddy bear that is Wilfred's favorite toy and supposed life partner [its complicated]. Wilfred rescues Bear from the clutches of the evil Doggy Day Care owner and constantly abuses Bear by yelling or sometimes hitting her when he is angry. Bear is pretty much the bizarre accomplice to Wilfred's games and Ryan only tolerates Wilfred's behavior with Bear because of the fact that she isn't a living creature.

Wilfred talks to Bear like Ryan talks to Wilfred, paralleling their relationship in a very interesting manner. Wilfred is just as obsessed and attached to Bear as Ryan is attached to Wilfred. While nobody can hear what Wilfred is saying to Ryan, Ryan can't hear what Bear is saying to Wilfred.




 

Kristin:

Kristin is Ryan's bossy, controlling sister. She constantly manipulates Ryan to do what she needs and yet is caring in her own zealous way. Kristin is an accomplished doctor who feels the need to lie about her less than perfect life and continue the image of a stable person even when she is not. She gets along well with Ryan's father, but is not so close to her mother. The opposite of Ryan in pretty much all aspects.





Story:

The story has a certain structure to it. A themed word for each episode and a lesson for Ryan to learn during that time. Ryan is complicated in a sense. He is sensitive and a people pleaser. He rather lie than admit a damaging truth. Wilfred constantly exposes his problems throughout the series with his dastardly nonsensical ways that totally mess with Ryan's life. Only then is Ryan forced to come clean and grow as a person. The first two seasons are fun and wacky while the last two seasons get really trippy and dark. The reasons why they decided to change the series up so dramatically is questionable at best. It does become interesting and exciting to attack the question of what is Wilfred only to be lead through windy paths and down rabbit holes. The show keeps you guessing and in a sense, is still a good watch regardless of how screwed up it becomes.

This is every pot smoker's Friday night.

Dog vs. Man:

The strange relationship between Ryan and Wilfred is particularly special in the show due to Ryan being the only one that can hear him. Even though this would be totally strange for a normal person, he rolls with it and never seems to question Wilfred's existence much until later when he realizes Wilfred is a total manipulative bastard. There is a LOT of irony in this show and the absurdity of the situations they get themselves into makes it even better.



Questionable Presents Wilfred Would Leave on Your Lawn:

1. Ryan talking to Wilfred:

Its really a miracle how long Ryan goes without anyone among his family and friends notices he talks to Wilfred or talks to himself in general. I mean he had a room mate for a while and she had to notice at some point how much Ryan talks to himself alone. Also haven't they noticed the multiple times Ryan stares at Wilfred and making the "WTF" face all the time? I mean they probably could chalk it up to him being a lazy pothead, but not once did they question his weird mannerisms?

Bruce asks the same questions as Jigsaw. They must be related.

2. Who the Hell is Bruce?:

Bruce is this random guy that comes around and screws with Ryan and Wilfred. We don't know much about why him and Wilfred are friends, nor do we understand why Bruce can also see Wilfred. We just know the guy is a creepy weirdo. We do however get to find out a bit more about him in the end.

3. Wilfred Should Have Died from Diabetes:

As much human food Wilfred eats on the show, its a surprise he didn't die in a few months. We see him eat everything from nachos to cheese puffs to shit to chocolate and everything in between. We rarely see Ryan cook food, but often has take out or snacks with Wilfred. I would be surprised if Jenna kept buying him dog food after a while since he practically eats all the time at Ryan's place.

4. Drew is Very Stupid:

Throughout the show Ryan hides his feelings for Jenna due to Drew being around. But he is always doing nice things for her, its a wonder Drew never at least suspected something earlier. Especially since Ryan was single the majority of the show and is always thoughtful of what Jenna wanted. Drew is either a very trusting guy or very dense. I think he is a little of both.

All dogs are art connoisseurs at heart.

5. The Basement:

All the way til the end we STILL don't fricken know if the basement exists or if it was still all in Ryan's head. In one of the seasons it was suggested that the basement didn't actually exist and it was all in his head. Instead of finding a basement, Ryan finds a closet and freaks out. Then he rediscovers the basement later. The question still remains at the end after Ryan realizes what is going on if the basement actually exists.

6. Mortgage Due:

Ryan is unemployed the majority of the story. How much did Ryan make before he just quit his job and tried to commit suicide? He spends a good portion of 4 years on and off employed with really long stretches of unemployment and heavy pot smoking. That has to get expensive with the house he lives in and everything else. And in California no less!

7. There are Tons of Loose Ends:

The show jumps around about the mystery of Wilfred, but never explains quite clearly whether Wilfred really is a God or Ryan is just bat shit crazy. They do tie up the majority of the questions at the end, but Wilfred still remains the ultimate mystery. What Wilfred states can not be accounted for as truth in this situation since Ryan is also considered to have a similar condition of illness as his mother. So what Wilfed says could be what Ryan wants to hear. Maybe Ryan's happiness just depended on him being OK that he was freaken delusional.

Couch surfing is hard work, bro.

8. This Couch:

Seriously? Does this couch even exist on the beach in Venice? I'm starting to question my own sanity if this couch is real. This looks like the same couch in the basement. So is Ryan really ever on the beach or is he just pretending he is on the beach?

9. Jenna is the Worst Dog Owner Ever:

Not only does she pawn Wilfred off to Ryan whenever she can, she never seems to keep track of her dog. Wilfred is always wandering out of the home and into the streets or Ryan's yard. She can never find him, keep control of him or has any time to take care of him. Its a surprise she didn't just let Ryan keep him considering he seemed to take care of the dog most of the time.

1O. Weed Head:

Is it me or does Ryan have some great cleaning skills? Why do the characters never comment that his home smells like weed? Considering he not only smokes both down and upstairs, you would think that stuff would totally be in the cushions, the walls, the floors, everything.

11. What Major Event was Meant to Happen?:

In one of the episodes Wilfred states a major event was going to happen. Men would cry, babies would burn in a fire, or something of that manner. By the end of the episode, its still inconclusive what exactly was going to happen that was major nor does it get pointed out later in the episodes. Its like they just forgot about it.

12. Lord of the Rings

HA. Elijah Wood can never escape being the RING BEARER for everyone. I love these scripted inside jokes.

Love at first sniff.

Overall I liked the first few seasons of Wilfred. It did get really weird after a while and strangely confusing in the fourth season with Ryan's heightened paranoia. It also didn't really give a happy ending exactly, but left it open to interpretation and perhaps an eventual lead in to a movie.

But as far off the beaten path it went, it eventually circled back to the main message toward the end. Animals were put here to guide us, simplify us and to help us come back to what matters. That the simple things in life are the most pleasurable and being true to yourself is the only way to live. Wilfred pulls at the heart strings of all animal lovers. And as the saying goes, you don't pick the animal, the animal picks you. If you ever had a dog, loved a dog, lost a dog, or currently own a dog, you will enjoy what Wilfred has to offer. At least for the first few seasons.

What version was your favorite? The American or the Australian?

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DnD Rating: 7/1O

The Flash: Reverse Flash Makes His Appearance and Streaks Away Leaving Us With Questions

A better look at the two flashes shows absolutely nothing

The Flash had a freaken exciting episode as we totally got to see Barry finally go after the man who killed his mother. While everyone is squealing that Dr. Wells is the Reverse Flash, I feel that we shouldn't take it at face value just yet. Just because he has the suit doesn't mean he is whoever we think he is.

Although the vibrating voice is hard to explain as he does the same voice altercation that Barry can do. But if they are trying to be some what faithful to the comics, here is what the reverse flash can do:

"Through this Speed Force, he also has the ability to create multiple after-images like Hunter Zolomon, the modern day Zoom, and, unlike The Flash and other users of the original Speed Force, can travel through and alter time, and can erase people from existence (Flash cannot change the past without dramatic consequences). He paradoxically exists Backwards in time. In the events leading up to Flashpoint, Professor Zoom has developed numerous powers including the ability to absorb other people's memories and experiences, change his age, and drastically alter time." - Reverse Flash Wikipedia Page.

The first and the last line leaves a paradox of all kinds of possibilities that could occur. Could he be manipulating Wells or could he be two versions of himself? Its all so confusing. So it could be exactly what it is, or it could be totally not. Creating after images of himself and altering time sounds like something this guy would do. Which could explain Dr. Wells beating himself up....but it could also be a creation that got out of control.

Which is also why he chose to beat the crap out of him, repaying the favor of his creation by trying to kill Wells. Dr. Wells does have a lot of enemies and doesn't seem like the friendly neighbor down the street. It would be likely he would make an enemy of the Reverse Flash considering any possible history they had together if he created him and bailed at the first sign of trouble. However it would be strangely irresponsible for Wells to do so without a very good reason.

Despite the exciting ending where Wells reveals the reverse flash suit in his shady as shit off time activities it doesn't make it true that he is the reverse flash, but lets check out Well's activities so far:

Episode 1: Wells reveals he is a shady bastard and has his own private room where he views a newspaper from the future where the Flash is missing in a crisis as well as Wayne Enterprises merges with Queen Inc [foreshadowing for Gotham or Arrow maybe?]. We get the particular date of April 25, 2024, the same date Wally West took up the reins for becoming the Flash. This edition could also be referring to Barry sacrificing himself in the storyline Crisis on Infinite Earths. We also learn he could walk and he totally didn't need glasses. We also learn that Grodd escaped probably during the particle accelerator explosion...but we had no idea who Grodd was at this point.

Episode 2: He stabs a guy for wanting Barry and tells him he needs to keep Barry safe. Safe for what perhaps? He has done tests on Barry and if he wanted to be the Reverse Flash, wouldn't it have been better to kill him now rather than later as he gets stronger? Or was he waiting for Barry to be at his peak before he stole his powers? Or is it a possibility if Wells is a time traveler that HE is a descendent of the Flash? They do kind of look similar in certain instances. A line was stated in the last episode that Barry and Harrison were alike.

Episode 3: We see Wells have a flashback where he is watching Barry on a camera. Meaning he knew about Barry's future condition well beyond the time line. So he had to have traveled from the future to be able to know when precisely to watch him and acquire him as he got struck by lightening.

Episode 5: We find out he has been at least around for 5 years and also could be responsible for the Gorilla beast villain known as Grodd.

Episode 6: Wells is lightly interrogated by Joe. He refuses to incriminate himself and we find out hes been in Central City even longer than that. At least 14 years. Before that he was in Maryland with his girl and she was in a tragic car accident. In the last part of the episode we see a flash of both red and yellow just like the event Barry had been through when he was a kid. Indicating Future Flash and Future Reverse Flash were in the same room fighting each other. Apparently Future Flash was trying to prevent Future Reverse Flash from killing his adoptive father. And apparently some one was trying to make the evidence of their case disappear. But who?

Episode 7: Wells goes out and takes the blood of a metahuman that could steal Barry's powers. Trying to unlock the secrets of how to take these powers from the Flash or was he really doing that to understand how to remove the powers and cure all of the metahumans that now exist? Is this the beginning of the Reverse Flash? Who knows.

Episode 8: Even though we didn't get a shady Wells scene, we did get a note that The Arrow felt something was off about him.

Episode 9: Wells is beaten up by the Reverse Flash. He even states "Dr. Wells, we meet at last." I think Wells is responsible for the Reverse Flash, but in what manner we aren't sure just yet. We also never got a good explanation of how Dr. Wells became "crippled" by this point either. What we know is that Dr. Wells will do anything to get the job done, including sacrificing people in the process. Perhaps he really screwed this guy over and he's been haunting him and the Flash ever since?

Look into the eyes of Zod!

What we do know is this. The Flash can go through time and dimensions at his fastest speed [but not without consequence], so it is possible the Flash could have ran back in time chasing the Reverse Flash who was trying to kill him as a boy. In the process, the Reverse Flash ended up killing his mother instead. But where is this other flash? Dr. Wells DOES have the Flash ring. There is no mention of the Reverse Flash ever obtaining this ring for any reason.

Lets think about the other evidence here. It is stated in the midseason finale that Barry's whole life was created off of one event. What if Barry's mother was meant to die no matter how hard he tried to stop it? He would have never became a forensics analysis person and would have never been in that room to get struck by lightening. What if this was the reason this current reverse flash had to do it? Triggering events to make the impossible possible. Would Wells use the blood of the metahuman to give to another or use it on himself? Could Wells be a future Eobard Thawne or Hunter Zoloman under a different alias? Or could there be TWO Reverse Flashes?

On IMDB it states Dr. Wells is the Reverse Flash and Detective Joe West is the Reverse Flash. So who is the real Reverse Flash in that trap? And did we just get an accidental spoiler? Or is IMDB jumping to conclusions and throwing us far off the trail?

At one point the Reverse Flash knocks out all of Eddie's men and stops in front of him. They seem like the same height minus a small lift from the boots with the suit, so there could be a possibility the Reverse Flash in the trap is a descendent of Eddie or IS Eddie. The good doctor even stating Eddie by his LAST NAME before he told him if he would like to read him his rights, identifying him as some kind of relation to the Reverse Flash. Which means there is a possibility that the Reverse Flash in the trap may not be Wells at all, but some one else entirely.

Or perhaps Eddie is seeking revenge in the future for losing Iris to Barry. It is possible that he does something drastic and Dr. Wells uses him in the suit, maybe even use that guy's blood to make a serum to turn Eddie into the Reverse Flash. Or perhaps Iris dies [she dies in the comics] which turns Joe to desperate measures and HE becomes the Reverse Flash seeing as he has a good relationship with Dr. Wells. It definitely raises a lot of questions.

Some day buddy, I'll be wearing you.

Now the device Dr. Wells had in the vault was the piece he needed for the suit, but it is unknown how he obtained it from the Reverse Flash. It makes the suit glow from the particles which supposedly makes him invulnerable. The question is from what? It seems too simple for him to be the Reverse Flash and I don't want to assume just yet. There is a possibility the ending all together was a red herring and he is maybe a different character that wants to end the Flash, but in order to do that must have the Reverse Flash's help to do so.

So after all of that conclusion here are some thoughts:

Dr. Harrison Wells is either Hunter Zoloman or a Future Flash supported by this evidence:

Hunter Zoloman:

1. All of his motives are to protect and make the Flash a better hero.
2. His S/O died in a car accident just like in the comics.
3. Like the comics, he is in a wheelchair, but for different reasons and has a connection to Grodd. Since Grodd escaped, did he get hurt by Grodd and then heal up during the 9 months Barry was in a coma?
4. He seemed to know the future, which means its possible he can time travel himself.
5. He has the suit or one of the suits, which means he could be the third version of the reverse flash.
6. He states in the first episode when he watches Barry on the camera "See you soon, Barry." In the last episode the Reverse Flash also states "See you soon." And you know who I am.


Future Flash:

1. His motives are to protect Barry at all cost. If that is the case, that means he has a stake in his existence. Which could point to him being a descendent.
2. Barry and Harrison do look similar, both have high intelliect and it would explain his capabilities, possible inheriting them from his line.
3. In the last episode, when the Reverse Flash and the Flash were fighting, he took off his mask and paused for a moment before he tried to destroy him. This could indicate that he was confused whether he was the present or future Flash. Since Star Labs made both suits, it is possible Wells also used the suit in the future, but a better version of it.
4. The man is very calculating. It seems he understands his actions on how his presence effects this current time line and takes all measures to ensure certain events occur.
5. He looks at Barry as if he admires him, stating he is a hero and there is a lot of good he could do. He could be encourage him to be the man he knew him to be as a boy. If a descendent were able to meet the first flash, his ancestor, I think they would also look at them with awe that the came from that line. Its like meeting your bad ass grandpa that was a young marine in world war II. You would probably be interested in getting to know him.
6. We have not seen the appearance of the other "red blur" or future flash.

I know evidence for a Future Flash is not strong at this time, but I do believe evidence may exist to throw people off the trail.

I believe Dr. Wells is responsible for the future Reverse Flash whether intentionally or by accident due to his current activities. I think we should also address Dr. Well's loss of Morgan Tess, the woman he loved, if she even existed. As far as we know...she is made up since we have never seen a photo or a flashback of her. There could be a possibility she died due to the Reverse Flash and he is now trying to stop him with his own version and with the help of the device. Or perhaps make Barry better to stop the Reverse Flash from killing anymore people.

To the future! So we can confuse the hell out of you.

There is the possibility of two reverse flashes. The future one who he created and destroyed his life and the one he becomes [if he is the reverse flash at all]. Since there are more than one version of the Reverse Flash in the comics just as there are more than one version of the Flash, this is possible. Now the Reverse Flash did state him and the Flash had been at this a long time, but he is always one step ahead. This same remark was also casually stated by the General in the 5th episode.

Although Wells always seems a step ahead himself. Perhaps he still carries the same motives of Zoloman trying to make the Flash a better hero and going back to create tragedy to alter the time line against something far worse in the future. We don't know, but it sounds like it is worth finding out.

And last, but not least, a weirder theory I have thought about:

Oliver stated in the first episode that he believed the lightening chose him. Could the lightening be Future Flash choosing to strike Barry himself? Could the particle accelerator not even be that at all, but a time traveling device or the cosmic boom of the future flash or the reverse flash arriving back in time that caused the reactor to blow up?

If you have not seen The Flash, I highly recommend it. Its the best new comic book show to come out this fall season and you can see it on Hulu.

DnD Rating: 9/1O

The Week in WTF: TV Mishaps

A few of my favorite shows are wrapping up with their infamous "Screw you, we are taking a two month break" finales and I couldn't help, but to notice a lot of WTF has happened this week on a few episodes. Lets take a look shall we?


The Walking Dead: Midseason Finale

So the Walking Dead finally wrapped up what had to be their most exciting season yet. No longer are we spending episodes watching Rick and the group farm turnips or watch as people die of sickness or stupidity. Nope. This season begins with a bang as Carol shocks everyone by turning She Rambo by blowing up a compound and busting everyone out. YOU GO GIRL! Man that was some awesome shit.

After that they curtailed the cannibal storyline by killing off the rest of the group, set up tent at a church with a cowardly priest and then tried to save the world. That is until, Eugene Mullet totally spilled the beans and stated he wasn't an actual scientist. Well that was a bummer. Kind of makes you wonder whats the point of the show anymore and how this is going to end. But the most interesting storyline had to be Beth's time at the hospital and the rescue mission, leading to the saddest ending I've seen in a while. Shit man...stop making me feel things.

But there were some weird things that happened during that episode that caught my attention...:

Thank you Carol for being the reason to watch this season

1. Gun Slinging from Rooftops -

During the episode we had a couple shooters on the rooftops that even a blind man could see. Instead they disappeared from the shot as if they were mysterious rooftop gunman. Come on. This isn't a Tom Clancy novel. This is the Walking Dead. These people are not trained snipers. The cops should have been able to spot them on the rooftops.  Maybe even throw a rock and hit one.

2. The Perfect Head Shot -

So some one stabs some one and they get shot in the head from the person they were stabbing. The fact that she had the capability to unhoster the gun, tilt it up and shoot from the hip right through the head in a matter of a split second is pretty ridiculous. I know she's a trained cop, but no.

3. Also Eugene is an idiot.


The Flash: The Long Introduction to the Arrow Episode Crossover

So the Flash has been doing really well as far as story goes. I'm totally loving it. Grant Gustin is a great Barry and I'm totally in love with Dr. Harrison Wells and his shady activities. But this episode had to be the worst episode I had seen since the start. It felt like one big set up for the Flash crossover to the Arrow show the next day and left me with little f*cks to give. The first 7O% of the episode was great. It was interesting. But the last 3O% turned into...oh my God what did you do?

What happened? -

Waiting to screw up a great concept

The Flash had a new bad guy that had potential and wasted it. He was a metahuman that could tap into people's inner anger and have them freak out while he robbed banks. We didn't even get to see Arrow and Flash take him down. We just saw him imprisoned after wasting a whole lot of time trading quips, one moment of training and then a long battle between the two in the streets where he also subsequently screws up his relationship with Iris.

But guess what...we never really got enough connection between Iris and the Flash to make it even tragic that she turns against him. I know she smiles as if her panties were wet every time he zips by, but it would have been more fatal if he had a chance to kiss her and leave or at the very least, her talk about how handsome he is in passing. Why would Iris feel so betrayed so easily? He saves a ton of people. Then he screws up one time and she doesn't believe him anymore? Lame. Arrow is right. Quit her player. She isn't worth it.

Everyone Hates Arrow -

In the beginning everyone was totally like "I don't trust that dude." Then later it was like "Bro, we totally accept you. Even if your ways are totally screwed up." Did I miss a whole chunk of story here? Because I really felt like I did. So he saved everyone from Barry and that makes him cool? Hard to fight for your affections, background cast of the Flash.


Constantine: The Curse that Keeps on Giving

So Constantine had an awesome come back this week with some dark angel shit. OH YES. Angels rock. Especially evil ones. But Constantine is that lovely British train wreck of a show that is begging for a cancellation.

This Show Must be Women Repellent -

First you dump the woman we thought you were going to gallivant across the spectral world with and now you decide in the middle of the season to shuck out an episode where Zed vanishes. Come on people. Get it together already. We don't have time for you to figure out how to dig yourself out of the hole after you screwed yourself. Just fix it already.

I was SO confused why Zed was gone and why they haven't mentioned her during the episode or even called her to come join in on some ghost bustering with good ol John Constantine. Yup, they decided to switch some episodes around due to the mishap with the vanishing chick from the pilot episode and then decided to air this random episode just for shits and giggles. It would have been better if they just axed it all together.

Zed is squinting hard to find her name in the script

They redeemed themselves with the last episode with the fallen angel shit, but come on DC. Do you want a second season or not? You are totally not blowing me away with this show. In fact you are confusing the hell out of me. Besides that, John is starting to bore me. Same thing, different episode, bla bla bla. We are NO CLOSER to who the hell John Constantine is. Its also been a few eps since we heard about this child he sacrificed. There isn't much development on what that was about. We just keep hearing about it.

Whoever is on the rewrites with Constantine needs to go back to story 1O1. You are boring the shit out of me, bro with all of these loose ends. I needs me some character development.

This is What is Wrong With Hollywood: The Final Book Split Conspiracy and Market Flooding

As I return from my holiday weekend high, I think of all the stupid shit happening lately in the entertainment industry with YA culture and the fantasy genre. This is, "What is wrong with Hollywood," a new rant addition for your reading pleasure:

You want to know what is wrong with Hollywood?

These movies:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1/2
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1/2

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1/2

The Hobbit 3: Battle of the Five Armies

Divergent - Soon to be Part 1/2 of Nobody Cares

Avengers: Infinity Wars Part 1 and Part 2 

Future humans everywhere will question our intelligence.

We all know Hollywood is one greedy squirrel humping the money tree, but what blows my mind is the complete BS of these money guzzling movies that they keep making. Do we really need two parts of the last book? Did we need 3 Hobbit movies? Don't get me wrong, I love the Hobbit. Its the only book in the Tolkien series that I didn't want to take a chainsaw to. But Hollywood is just wiping their ass on my childhood favorites. Next thing I know, they are going to make a four part mini series on Akimba and the Magic Cow. You don't know what that is? Look it up, don't be lazy. It was my favorite childhood book, but that's because I had a dope father that had great voice acting skills.

So while Hollywood is pumping out extra content of every female teenager's fantasies [to screw a much older man, to have hot elf/dwarf action, and for hot guys to go out with plain, uninteresting female heroines], I am here waiting for this shit to explode and Hollywood's dick to shrivel up and run for the hills until the next big thing.

Right now they are salivating over comic book movies which is great for me, but also shitty. As a loving fan of all things fantasy and pseudo-science, I think this is only going to put a lot of pressure on film makers and make them churn out craptastic movies at a astounding rate. By the end of 2018, the comic book genre will also be beaten bloody thanks to the mighty hands of Sir Fux it Up and the Hollywood hillbillies that keep gunning for our money.

So what can we do now? We sort of created this monster by nerdgasming every time they did a big reveal and cheered as our favorite Hollywood hunk and beauty picks up a role. Well, our opinions don't matter as long as we keep going to these things. What we can do is encourage a better generation of film directors that won't take shit from the likes of execs who have no idea how to make a proper Spiderman movie or who think all animated movies do well no matter what. 

Putting that shit back into the hands of the wise artist that understands the business side of the house is the best thing we can hope for. Because giving it to a pure artist is just as stupid as giving it to a sell out. No offense to artists. I love you all, but your ideas are only good in your world and don't always translate to the masses. This is why movies like The Fountain don't work out. Its great artistically and metaphorically, but a good chunk of your paying audience are probably not the sharpest crayons in the box and quite a few of them like lots of explosions.You know, they are the same people that post on youtube defending vomit inducing movies like Battlefield Earth or The Last Airbender.

And the heavens opened and her vagina exploded. Gigity.

This is why Michael Bay keeps selling [although the dum dum explosions crowd is certainly catching onto his wiley games, the last movie did the worst in America out of the 4 shitcons that came before it. And damn it they totally lied about the Dinobots! SCREW YOU MICHAEL BAY!! Screw you to hell!] and this is why romance movies keep selling.

Has anyone dissected these movies? They are horrible. Every cliche you could think of exists and they set up terrible expectations for the poor chumps that take their beautiful goddess out to the theaters. By the end of that cry fest she's looking at you thinking, "Oh my God...why aren't you like Brad DeppButlerbloom? I totally sold my perky boob years for you!" I know not all of them are like that, but they are structured the same way and have the same theme. The guy is an adorable idiot that screws it up, realizes what he did wrong, and is lucky to be forgiven by her. And nerdy girls with glasses totally turn bonetastic when they take the frames off [makes me wonder if the heavens sing when I take my glasses off?].

But I digress. Will I go see the new Hobbit movie? *Sigh* I guess so. It's the completionist in me that gets me in trouble. I'll also see Infinity Wars because it probably deserves a split considering that comic book stories are not short [maybe the only split worth watching, we will have to see]. Like all good reviewers, we got to just suck it up and do it. Even if we know we are going to be washing the taste out of our mouths from all the regret we just had to swallow. But at least the Hobbit will be decent, even if Peter Jackson is totally pissing me off.

As for the other movies? Not so much. Mockingjay Part 1 has done poorly compared to its predecessors and we have no idea if its because the 3rd book kind of blew any way or there was absolutely no reason to split the third book into two parts in the first place. Wake up Hollywood! You don't always need to keep making copious amounts of money by splitting movies up. If you just do it right you will make money regardless. Stop flooding the market and thinning out the meatiness of the story by turning it into a pile of slush and drawn out hum drum.

You know what happens when you flood the market? People just turn away. People stop coming and then you panic because you thought with your little head instead of your bigger one. The fact that they have a second Divergent movie coming out is kind of insulting. Divergent was crushed by the reviewing consensus, yet the gang bang train still wants to squeeze another one out because it still made about 15O mil at the box office. But keep in mind their budget was 85 mil. Did they really make that much money? One would beg to differ.

So as you decide which movies you want to spend on this season, go to the film festivals instead and find an artist that worked his ass off to get placed into that festival. You insult the actors in these poor films less that way because you are still appreciating the art of cinematography. And maybe once, it will be less about the money and more about the magic of story through motion picture.

I'll be awaiting your phone call, Hollywood, to ask me how to clean up your mess.