So I started watching this and HAD to review it. Oh...my...God. What is this? Woman's liberation 101? Poor female agent getting ignored and picked on by sexists pigs. This shit is so pissing me off. What a cheap shot this show started off with. Yay it's the 1940's and they look at her like a sex toy and now she has no purpose because the war is over. Give me a break.
She wouldn't BE an agent if the organization thought of her that way. I expected this more from the phone company than a government agency that intentionally hired her because she actually was valuable at the very least as a honeypot. Even the boss in this show is attempting to emasculate her at every turn.
She was part of an operation that worked with the first super hero and a tech genius. Why give her such a significant assignment if she was that insignificant? Did they just run out of manly agents that day and it was between her, the token gay guy and the cripple? You're right. They definitely would have picked the cripple first. So they probably had no agents to cover the job of baby sitting a hunky experimental freak job and a mad scientist. The whole concept of this show would have made more sense before the war, than after the war. Not only did it start off with shots from the movie [which I consider cheating], it winks at you so much with "girl power" moves that you think perhaps the winking is a dysfunction and you don't want to be rude and stare. It's embaressing and I really hate how women eat this up. This is so stereotypical woman vs the world I want to scream, "Please stop! We don't need this anymore! What we need is normal women in stronger roles that don't stereotype the gender itself. Either we are over powering independent or we are weak and pathetic. We just want the middle ground for God's sake!" I swear this entire show is one giant poll job. What show would you like to see next from Marvel? 1. Fantastic Four - Hahahaha, we thought that was funny too. 2. Black Goliath - THE TALLEST BLACK SUPER HERO EVER. AKA: Go watch the NBA. 3. Agent Carter - WOMAN POWER. LOOK AT US, WE ARE SO PROGRESSIVE AND EXCITING!
Her bosoms are big enough to win the war!
Peggy Carter: Her personality is incredibly flat for a main character. Peggy does not inspire me to like her or even feel sorry for her. On one hand she tells guys she doesn't need their help and tries to be independent, on the other hand she totally takes advantage of their oafish man thinking and uses her feminine wiles. Her character is very contradictory of what it wants to be and I just can not stand how they use the treating women like shit card an easy go to plot device for this show. The only funny thing she did was threaten to stab a fat pig's artery if he didn't treat the waitress better. Other than that Peggy continues to dodge help from anyone with a penis because of "reasons." Although she is written quite the bit more clever than the boy's club [using the stairwell to cut off the bad guy, getting one step ahead in gathering information, etc.], she is constantly hiding her skills in agent work. What kind of agent hides that she is an agent from other agents in an organization that hired her to be an agent? Is it that incredible she is doing her own work on this case? What the hell did they hire her for? She isn't getting paid to be their classified secretary. She is getting paid as an agent. She has an agent badge. Use her damn it!
Its the typical English man with a heart everyone!
Mr. Edwin Jarvis: Probably the only real thing on this show that isn't a stereotype in itself. Although he is stereotypically English [British?]. Mr. Jarvis does remind one of the computerized Jarvis from Iron Man as far as wit, so I can see where his programmed sense of humor came from. If they get rid of him I think the show would fail as the character of Peggy can't carry it alone.
This is not a comment related to gender, she is just not that interesting of a character and I blame the people who designed her character, edited her footage and wrote her lines. Mr. Jarvis is the sensitive side of the show and probably the most reasonable. He is where the real dialogue comes through and I am happy he is there even if he is just "the help." He plays the role just perfectly and I wouldn't want him to change. Agent Mishaps: 1. That is the Slowest Kidnapping Car Ever: You are telling me you can't catch a woman in heels? Quadriplegics move faster than you.
Just a little to the left..shit. shit. Now I got to start over.
2. Gadgets Galore:
Not remarking this is a bad thing, but aren't gadgets on loan? Do people do spy gadget inventory at this office and go "Oh Lord! The code cracking watch is missing! Who is the scoundrel that didn't fill out Form 847B? Now I got to report this to the equipment manager who is going to chastise me for being an incompetent baffoon.
Then I got to spend three days trying to find the current version of form 2261 to report the lost/stolen item. Fill out the form and spend three more days trying to find some one to help me with this process. Then I got to strike it off the list and order a new one with another form while calling eight people to make sure this gadget is struck off their list as well in case an inspection comes in. This is too much work and I got some very important screwing off to do. I must find out who is stealing from me at once!" OK that sounds way funnier if you are military. #militarypaperworktrauma
3. Feelings? Nope:
I just don't believe her when she cried
for her friend. We barely had an establishment between her and said
room mate before she died. She even mentions she only knew her for a few months. Also where did she dump the body? I am assuming she called the police, but wouldn't that make her a suspect? So many unknowns. I know that scene was meant to show her sensitive side and why she is so scared to let people be a part of her life, but there was no emotional advantage with a random room mate she stayed with for a few months and was fond of. It would have been better if it was a more established friend/family member in her life. 4. Noisy Agent: She goes over the fence like she's jumping the border and the cops are chasing after her with mopeds and dogs. Don't you have bull cutters agent? Its a lot quieter to cut a hole through than hike yourself over. 5. James Frain Has the Best Manager Ever: I can't get away from this guy. He is in EVERYTHING on television lately. This is the third time I have seen the man in the past two weeks. 6. Blanks much? You shot at the car coming straight at you and you shot at the car driving away in a straight line You are telling me you didn't hit the car once? The bomb did a better job damaging the car then you. What is evil paying you for? 7. Oh Yes, Let's Use the Phone: I know its the 194Os, but wasn't wiring tapping around during that time? I just don't believe that if you can hook a transmitting device to a typewriter, that you can't tap a phone line. Stop talking about super secret shit in public AGENT. 8. They Must Have Cable:
He is writing the beginning of Mein Kampf
So there are these typewriter scenes where the evil assassin is getting messages from his leader. These have to be the fastest transmissions I have ever seen. Besides it being absolutely ridiculous as an invention, you are telling me they also receive messages at lightening speeds? Do they have Google fiber? Because I am so ready for some Google fiber. I bet that line cost like 5 cents at that time and that was a bad ass deal. 9. What a Waste of Lobster: Did radio shows really do this back in the day? Crush lobsters for sound effects? Lobster isn't cheap now, I doubt it was even close to cheap then. They mangled that poor thing! It needs some butter and lemon. Stop destroying it already you hack! 1O. I Don't Like the Parallels between Tony and his Father: What was cute and hysterical in the Iron Man movies, kind of makes me feel odd in this pre-Tony existence. I understand the need to go "Ha! He is just like his father!" But Tony barely knew his father. He wouldn't have picked up many of his mannerisms from him in this case. I would have liked Howard to be adventurous, but more serious than Tony was. Tony grew up in wealth, his father did not. He created the empire that Tony was fortunate to live in. It would make more sense for Tony to be selfish, conceited and make everything a debacle. His father lived in a world where things were much more restricted, so I would think he would be more domineering, industrial and frank. Plus it still just irks me they used two different actors for his father.
Where in the world did Carmen get her wardrobe?
11. That Hat and Attire...: MAKES HER LOOK SO MUCH LIKE CARMEN SAN DIEGO! I know the design was to make it easier to see her in a crowd and it was to make the audience give her the feeling that she was out of place, but why make it so blaringly obvious? It looked like they forgot the blue hat that day and suddenly decided, "RED! Red is the color of vibrancy and sexy holiness! RED! DO IT NOW!"
12. Suspects:
If Howard Stark was in trouble, wouldn't his butler be a good resource and suspect in aiding him? Why wouldn't they go to Mr. Jarvis first? It took them 3 episodes before they got to him. Plus I feel its a cop out that we no longer see Howard in the show. You draw us in with Howard Stark and you just remove him? Lame. Also What about his partner? Remember THAT guy? From the first Ironman movie? Shouldn't he also be a part of this as well? There are so many questions of why this world is so limited when we know it is connected to the MCU. Not only is this lazy, but its just plain boring.
I feel Marvel can do better and they have done better. Do we need another Agent show? No. That is only a positive step if it serves a specific purpose for the movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The point here is, they could easily summarize this if they wanted to and they don't need to dump cash into this to make the MCU great. I feel like Marvel is unraveling a bit with all the possibilities and is starting to get sloppy.
Yup folks, this is the beginning of the end of the great comic era as I stated in my previous rant for, "What's Wrong with Hollywood". The storytelling, no matter how collected or spread out, needs to be tight in order to be effective. I think it is unfair to fans that they just dump this hack show onto us females that deserve a real female super hero that can do super hero shit. Black Widow barely stacks up against the Hulk and Ironman. Agent Carter can't compete with Captain America if he decided to turn evil. What about against Dr. Strange? You see what I mean? Where are our female super heroes that can go toe to toe with Ronin or Loki or Apocalypse? Look out soon for the next part in my series. "What is Wrong with Hollywood" to get an in-depth discussion on gender and race in the comic movie world. Because I got a whole lot of ammo and steam to blow off about this issue that I will spare you from any further today.
You know why female lead shows don't always work? Because everyone keeps stereotyping them in hopes people would just accept it. And they do. This show has a high rating for now, but I am not impressed if this is the best they can give me. This show is cheap and we know it. I want more from you Marvel. I expect it. Not this. This is too weak. This is putting your pinky into the pool when you need to dive all the way in like you did with Guardians of the Galaxy. Its time you give your female fans a real hero to follow that goes beyond just mortal means and isn't constantly trying to fight sexual harassment at the office. One that even guys can get behind as well. A real person. Not a stereotype.
It is the least you can do for as much money as you have made off of us women. Remember, there are a lot of us out there and we are no longer necessarily a small minority you can continue to ignore. Bring us something we can get behind and stop playing the victim card as your go to plot. Don't make her a character that thrives despite the fact that she is a woman, give us a character that thrives because she is a woman.
What did you think of Agent Carter? Damn awesome or Dud?
If you are interested in keeping up with my reviews subscribe on the side bar now!
I have to start the New Year with a post about all of the things that
are happening on the movie circuit front. Well since I have gotten into TV a lot more there is a
laundry list of things that need to be addressed along with potential
movies. Now even though this isn't the complete list of everything that is coming out in the next four months, this is a pretty
solid list of movies that seem interesting enough to check out.
Taken 3 Drop Date: Jan 9, 2015
Liam Neeson returns as ex-covert operative Bryan Mills, whose
reconciliation with his ex-wife is tragically cut short when she is
brutally murdered. Consumed with rage, and framed for the crime, he goes
on the run to evade the relentless pursuit of the CIA, FBI and the
police. For one last time, Mills must use his "particular set of
skills," to track down the real killers, exact his unique brand of
justice, and protect the only thing that matters to him now - his
daughter.
Current Judgment: Now with less people taken! I
got to give them props on how long they have been able to keep this
series going. I love Liam Neeson, but I don't know. He said in the
trailer he is going to "finish this." Does that mean Liam Neeson is
going to murder the entire force of the FBI, CIA and LAPD? That would be
freaken awesome! MURDER SPREE. Starring: The Man Chuck Norris Fears
Most.
Inherent Vice Drop Date: Jan 9, 2015
"Inherent Vice," is the seventh feature from Paul Thomas Anderson and
the first ever film adaption of a Thomas Pynchon novel. When private eye
Doc Sportello's ex-old lady suddenly out of nowhere shows up with a
story about her current billionaire land developer boyfriend whom she
just happens to be in love with, and a plot by his wife and her
boyfriend to kidnap that billionaire and throw him in a looney
bin...well, easy for her to say. It's the tail end of the psychedelic
`60s and paranoia is
running the day
and Doc knows that "love" is another of those words going around at the
moment, like "trip" or "groovy," that's being way too overused - except
this one usually leads to trouble. With a cast of characters that
includes surfers, hustlers, dopers and rockers, a murderous loan shark,
LAPD Detectives, a tenor sax player working undercover, and a mysterious
entity known as the Golden Fang, which may only be a tax dodge set up
by some dentists... Part surf noir, part psychedelic romp.
Current Judgment: I've
seen this trailer more than once and I still have no effin clue what is
going on with this movie. This trailer played in the theater stating
"Coming just in time for Christmas." I assume some one forgot to take
that part out before they gave it to a nation wide theater to play. All I
know is a large group of famous actors are in this and I really
couldn't care less.
Selma Drop Date: Jan 9, 2015
SELMA is the story of a movement. The film chronicles the tumultuous
three-month period in 1965, when Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. led a
dangerous campaign to secure equal voting rights in the face of violent
opposition. The epic march from Selma to Montgomery culminated in
President Johnson (Tom Wilkinson) signing the Voting Rights Act of 1965,
one of the most significant victories for the civil rights movement.
Director Ava DuVernays SELMA tells the real story of how the revered
leader and
visionary Dr.
Martin Luther King Jr. (David Oyelowo) and his brothers and sisters in
the movement prompted change that forever altered history.
Current Judgment: I'm
really surprised this one didn't come out Martin Luther King Jr. day or
at least the weekend of. Basically its a biopic of Dr. King's movement
to bring the attention of racial discrimination to the nation. It seems
like its going to be a good movie. I just hope people don't turn this
movie into a black/white discrimination circus, because that would truly be spitting on the dream of an incredible man.
Predestination Drop Date: Jan 9, 2015
PREDESTINATION chronicles the life of a Temporal Agent (Ethan Hawke)
sent on an intricate series of time-travel journeys designed to prevent
future killers from committing their crimes. Now, on his final
assignment, the Agent must stop the one criminal that has eluded him
throughout time and prevent a devastating attack in which thousands of
lives will be lost.
Current Judgment: I've
been hearing a lot of excitement and buzz about this movie. The few who
have seen it have been giving it rave reviews. It looks like a total
mind f*ck. The type of movie I would love! I am a big fan of time travel, so I
can't wait to see this one. Now if only I can figure out if his partner
in crime is a boy or a girl...
Match Drop Date: Jan 14, 2015 [limited]
A Seattle couple travels to New York to interview an eccentric former choreographer.
Current Judgment: It
kind of sucks that this one is on limited release because I would love
to see Patrick Stewart in a role that isn't sci-fi. He is a wonderful,
talented actor and deserves more opportunities. The trailer looks some what interesting. I wouldn't go
as far as being in love with the premise, but I am sure I would just
like it for Patrick Stewart alone.
Paddington Drop Date: Jan 16, 2015
From the beloved novels by Michael Bond and producer David Heyman (HARRY
POTTER), PADDINGTON tells the story of the comic misadventures of a
young Peruvian bear (voiced by Firth) who travels to the city in search
of a home. Finding himself lost and alone, he begins to realize that
city life is not all he had imagined - until he meets the kindly Brown
family who read the label around his neck that says "Please look after
this bear. Thank you," and offer him a temporary haven. It looks as
though
his luck has changed until this rarest of bears catches the eye of a museum taxidermist.
Current Judgment: So
this one got delayed for whatever reason. If you want to take the
kiddos to something, this would be one of the few movies that are out
for kids in the next four months. Although I don't think this looks THAT good, I am sure the kids will enjoy the modernization of the storybook
character, Paddington [if they even know who Paddington is].
The Wedding Ringer Drop Date: Jan 16, 2015
Doug Harris (Josh Gad) is a loveable but socially awkward groom-to-be
with a problem: he has no best man. With less than two weeks to go until
he marries the girl of his dreams (Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting), Doug is
referred to Jimmy Callahan (Kevin Hart), owner and CEO of Best Man,
Inc., a company that provides flattering best men for socially
challenged guys in need. What ensues is a hilarious wedding charade as
they try to pull off the big con, and an unexpected budding bromance
between Doug and his
fake best man Jimmy.
Current Judgment: Does this feel like the Wedding Crashers and the Hangover all at once? It does to me. The premise sounds pretty cool, but the execution looks like the typical zany freak show a movie like this would display. The shock value of these comedies have gone down and its harder to get a laugh these days with how formula like they are. I think this is going to be a rental.
Blackhat Drop Date: Jan 16, 2015
Set within the world of global cybercrime, Legendary's Blackhat follows a
furloughed convict and his American and Chinese partners as they hunt a
high-level cybercrime network from Chicago to Los Angeles to Hong Kong
to Jakarta.
Current Judgment: As
a person interested in the world of cyber crime and how vulnerable we
are today [I do not partake. I just find the underworld fascinating. Don't arrest me NSA!], I
was really interested when I heard about this movie. However the
trailers don't really inspire me to see Blackhat. It seems like a very
typical script and I am unsure how it will play out. I am a big fan of
Legendary's production value, but I will probably wait to see the rating
when it comes out. I am kind of insulted though how they chose to
portray the "hacker" as far as looks. I know not all hackers are dweebs
in their mom's basement ruining somebody's life across the world by
screwing with their head, but I doubt they all look like Chris
Hemsworth. I could be wrong. Maybe there is an underground sexy hacker
army that we will never get to see.
American Sniper Drop Date: Jan 16, 2015 [limited]
From director Clint Eastwood comes "American Sniper," starring Bradley
Cooper as Chris Kyle, the most lethal sniper in U.S. military history.
But there was much more to this true American hero than his skill with a
rifle. U.S. Navy SEAL sniper Chris Kyle is sent to Iraq with only one
mission: to protect his brothers-in-arms. His pinpoint accuracy saves
countless lives on the battlefield and, as stories of his courageous
exploits spread, he earns the nickname "Legend." However, his reputation
is
also growing
behind enemy lines, putting a price on his head and making him a prime
target of insurgents. Despite the danger, as well as the toll on his
family at home, Chris serves through four harrowing tours of duty in
Iraq, becoming emblematic of the SEAL creed to "leave no man behind."
But upon returning home, Chris finds that it is the war he can't leave
behind.
Current Judgment: I
am not the biggest fan of Bradley Cooper's acting, but this movie looks
pretty good. I can deal with this minor hiccup with Clint Eastwood at the helm and it
seems like a great military story [they always do well]. I do
like that the concept is very different from most stories where
instead of them being all about heroism on the battlefield, they take
the approach of studying the battle back home after the war. This is a very relevant movie to anyone who has been on the battlefield or who has had friends and family who had to deal with the suffering of their loved ones.
Vice Drop Date: Jan 16, 2015
Julian Michaels (Bruce Willis) has designed the ultimate resort: VICE,
where anything goes and the customers can play out their wildest
fantasies with artificial inhabitants who look, think and feel like
humans. When an artificial (Ambyr Childers) becomes self-aware and
escapes, she finds herself caught in the crossfire between Julian's
mercenaries and a cop (Thomas Jane) who is hell-bent on shutting down
Vice, and stopping the violence once and for all.
Current Judgment: This
reminds me of two Bruce Willis movies. A mix of the Fifth Element
[because of the female lead being chased] and Surrogates. I can't say
that this movie looks amazing. The female lead seems passable, but
doesn't inspire me to want to watch her survive. I don't know. This
looks like its going to be sub par at best.
The Phoenix Project Drop Date: Jan 16, 2015 [limited]
Four young scientists work to craft a machine to reanimate deceased
organisms. As the project develops, the machine exceeds their wildest
expectations, creating boundless possibilities that challenge the very
nature of human existence. However, success with this experiment comes
at a price, as ulterior motives and reckless abandon lead to
consequences none of them could predict. As their time and resources
fade, this team of visionary scientists must face the realities of the
task they have set
out for themselves, bringing the dead back to life.
Current Judgment: This looks downright scary. It feels like a modern day Frankenstein story.
A group of scientist decide to cheat God and bring some one back to
life. Yeah that's going to go well. The trailer shows just enough to
peak interest, but it will be a limited release film. If you indie fans
are out there, tell me how it goes!
Mortdecai Drop Date: Jan 23, 2015
Juggling some angry Russians, the British Mi5, his impossibly leggy wife
and an international terrorist, debonair art dealer and part time rogue
Charlie Mortdecai (Johnny Depp) must traverse the globe armed only with
his good looks and special charm in a race to recover a stolen painting
rumored to contain the code to a lost bank account filled with Nazi
gold.
Current Judgment: Mortdecai
looks like a cross between Pink Panther and Mr. Magoo. I wouldn't trust
this guy for the life of me with anybody's case if I were them. It
looks wacky and totally within Johnny Depp's realm, but it is up in the
air if this film will spin off a franchise or not.
Strange Magic Drop Date: Jan 23, 2015
"Strange Magic," a new animated film from Lucasfilm Ltd., is a madcap
fairy tale musical inspired by "A Midsummer Night's Dream." Popular
songs from the past six decades help tell the tale of a colorful cast of
goblins, elves, fairies and imps, and their hilarious misadventures
sparked by the battle over a powerful potion. Lucasfilm Animation
Singapore and Industrial Light & Magic bring to life the fanciful
forest turned upside down with world-class animation and visual effects.
Current Judgment: The
graphical work on this trailer looks amazing, but considering its from
the mind of George Lucas, I am...not sure if he will just make us suffer
through one of his inflated story telling schemes. This reminds me of a
more modern version of Fern Gully with a touch of Megamind. I have a
feeling that the bad guy is going to be the good guy in the end. The
trailer seems to elude to that.
Seventh Son Drop Date: Feb 6, 2015
In a time long past, an evil is about to be unleashed that will reignite
the war between the forces of the supernatural and humankind once more.
Master Gregory (Jeff Bridges) is a knight who had imprisoned the
malevolently powerful witch, Mother Malkin (Julianne Moore), centuries
ago. But now she has escaped and is seeking vengeance. Summoning her
followers of every incarnation, Mother Malkin is preparing to unleash
her terrible wrath on an unsuspecting world. Only one thing stands in
her way:
Master Gregory.
In a deadly reunion, Gregory comes face to face with the evil he always
feared would someday return. He has only until the next full moon to do
what usually takes years: train his new apprentice, Tom Ward (Ben
Barnes) to fight a dark magic unlike any other. Man's only hope lies in
the seventh son of a seventh son.
Current Judgment: So
this is from the same author as Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card, finally turned into a
movie. Legendary is at the helm once again, but I get this gnawing feeling this is
going to be horribly B moviesh and very stereotypical fantasy. The CGI
looks cartoonish and the evil villain's clothes have the same production
value as Once Upon a Time. I can't see this being taken seriously. I
love Jeff Bridges, but this seems like a dud, which is a shame because I
wish they would take fantasy a bit more seriously instead of literally
making fun of itself.
The Sponge Bob Movie: Sponge out of the Water Drop Date: Feb 6, 2015
SpongeBob SquarePants, the world's favorite sea dwelling invertebrate,
comes ashore to our world for his most super-heroic adventure yet.
Current Judgment: If I had a reason to hate my life more, it would be this movie.
I will be avoiding all theater showings of this film due to the giggle,
cooing fest that is going to erupt in there with the 80,000 children that are going to pack the seats with their sticky booger, popcorn
fingers. No sir, I don't like it.
Jupiter Ascending Drop Date: Feb 6, 2015 [limited]
From the streets of Chicago to the far-flung galaxies whirling through
space, "Jupiter Ascending" tells the story of Jupiter Jones (Mila
Kunis), who was born under a night sky, with signs predicting she was
destined for great things. Now grown, Jupiter dreams of the stars but
wakes up to the cold reality of a job cleaning other people's houses and
an endless run of bad breaks. Only when Caine (Channing Tatum), a
genetically engineered ex-military hunter, arrives on Earth to track her
down does
Jupiter begin to
glimpse the fate that has been waiting for her all along-her genetic
signature marks her as next in line for an extraordinary inheritance
that could alter the balance of the cosmos.
Current Judgment: Remember this flick? Yeah it was supposed to be released LAST summer.
Due to its delay, I am pretty uncertain how well this is going to turn
out. Delays to me means that something is wrong, they are shaky on its
prospects or that there is a sudden change. The graphics are beautiful
and the production value looks high. Which makes me feel this movie is
going to fail because the story with the trailer so far is weak. I think
the reason it didn't get pushed out before was because it was so close to
competing with the dark horse of the summer, Guardians of the Galaxy and
ape thriller, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. But the fact that they
plan to still do a limited release on this film really shows their
confidence is shaky.
Kingsman: The Secret Service Drop Date: Feb 13, 2015
Based upon the acclaimed comic book and directed by Matthew Vaughn (Kick
Ass, X-Men First Class), Kingsman: The Secret Service tells the story
of a super-secret spy organization that recruits an unrefined but
promising street kid into the agency's ultra-competitive training
program just as a global threat emerges from a twisted tech genius.
Current Judgment: Looks
like Fox bought another comic series because we all know their new
Fantastic Four movie is going to suuuuucccckkkkk. This does look
interesting though. It feels a lot like the typical YA story where a kid
gets into a secret society where shit flies and he has to adapt to his
new world of crazy hip teen friends that are just as dangerous. Its a
prep school for secret service agents. I can see Bond being a previous
graduate of the academy.
Fifty Shades of Grey Drop Date: Feb 13, 2015
E.L. James' kinky best-seller gets the big screen treatment with this
Universal Pictures/Focus Features co-production. The steamy tale details
a masochistic relationship between a college student and a businessman,
whose desires for extreme intimacy pen from secrets in his past.
Current Judgment: Another
reason to hate my life. Best selling suckfest, Fifty Shades of Grey
finally got a movie and we know who is going to be watching this. If you
aren't taking your boo to this on Valentines Day you might as well kiss
sexy time goodbye. Roses? Pfft. Fancy dinner? Typical. I want some BDSM
and I want it now! I think this movie is an insult to humanity.
I couldn't agree more.
What We Do in the Shadows Drop Date: Feb 13, 2015[limited]
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS chronicles the adventures of four vampire
roommates trying to get by in a modern world that's not always
hospitable to the undead. Clement and Waititi, creators of the HBO hit
series "Flight of the Conchords," co-wrote, co-directed, and co-star in
this hilarious send-up in which an endearingly unhip quartet of friends
reveal to us or, rather, to the documentary crew that's filming them,
the details of their daily-make that nightly-routine. Ranging in age
from 183 to
8,000, and in
appearance from adorably youthful to Nosferatu-crusty, they squabble
over household chores, struggle to keep up with the latest trends in
technology and fashion, antagonize the local werewolves, cruise clubs
for lovely ladies, and deal with the rigors of living on a very, very
strict diet. The film also stars Rhys Darby, Jonathan Brugh, Cori
Gonzalez-Macuer, Stu Rutherford, and Jackie Van Beek, and was produced
by Waititi, Chelsea Winstanley and Emanuel Michael.
Current Judgment: A
mockumentary about vampires sounds epic! I wish more of these limited
releases were nation wide, but the comedic flow in the trailer looks
very promising. I really want to see this!
Mcfarland USA Drop Date: Feb 20, 2015
From Disney comes MCFARLAND, the true against-all-odds story of the 1987
McFarland high school cross country team in an economically challenged
community.
Current Judgment: Yay...a
feel good sports movie by Disney. What a surprise. It will be about a
group of rag tag adorable misfits that become runners and learn what it
is to become a team. They may run away from the start line, but they
can't run from life. This inspiring film about hope and poor kids
accomplishing shit is something you need to see for the 85th time. If
you want to watch a feel good movie about hope from being "economically
challenged" then watch Mcfarland USA. [I wrote this before I saw the
trailer....tell me I'm wrong...PROVE IT. You know the formula. Poor kids
+ Sports = Sexy Money in the Bank].
Focus Drop Date: Feb 27, 2015
A con artist (Will Smith) takes on an inexperienced apprentice in this
crime comedy from the filmmaking duo behind Crazy Stupid Love, Glenn
Ficarra and John Requa.
Current Judgment: It has Will Smith and Kristin Stewart in it. I already hate it.
Chappie Drop Date: Mar 6, 2015
Every child comes into the world full of promise, and none more so than
Chappie: he is gifted, special, a prodigy. Like any child, Chappie will
come under the influence of his surroundings - some good, some bad - and
he will rely on his heart and soul to find his way in the world and
become his own man. But there's one thing that makes Chappie different
from anyone else: he is a robot. The first robot with the ability to
think and feel for himself. His life, his story, will change the way the
world looks at robots and humans forever.
Current Judgment: One
of the biggest anticipated movies on my list this year, I am looking
forward to this movie so much. There is another trailer out there beside this one that shows the darker questions of the story and its also worth watching to get a full balanced feel of the movie. The premise really feels like the director's answer to our pleas to make his short film "Yellow" into a movie. Even though the robot in Yellow looks nothing like Chappie, the premise is similar. If you have not seen Yellow, you can watch it on Youtube. It is a highly recommended short film and just brilliantly done. I really like Neil Blomkamp's style and
his ability to merge CGI with the real world to the point of
seamlessness. Its a gift really and one I highly respect. Chappie looks
like a beautiful robot movie that will pull at the heart strings. I hope
this will be one of the biggest movies of the year.
The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Drop Date: Mar 6, 2015
THE SECOND BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL is the expansionist dream of Sonny
(Dev Patel), and it's making more claims on his time than he has
available, considering his imminent marriage to the love of his life,
Sunaina (Tina Desai). Sonny has his eye on a promising property now that
his first venture, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel for the Elderly and
Beautiful, has only a single remaining vacancy - posing a rooming
predicament for fresh arrivals Guy (Richard Gere) and Lavinia (Tamsin
Greig).
Evelyn and
Douglas (Judi Dench and Bill Nighy) have now joined the Jaipur
workforce, and are wondering where their regular dates for Chilla
pancakes will lead, while Norman and Carol (Ronald Pickup and Diana
Hardcastle) are negotiating the tricky waters of an exclusive
relationship, as Madge (Celia Imrie) juggles two eligible and very
wealthy suitors. Perhaps the only one who may know the answers is newly
installed co-manager of the hotel, Muriel (Maggie Smith), the keeper of
everyone's secrets. As the demands of a traditional Indian wedding
threaten to engulf them all, an unexpected way forward presents itself.
Current Judgment: Its
going to be one of those movies folks where thirty famous
actors/actresses all converge together in a hilarious quirky comedy
about absolutely nothing. Oh and Indian dancing. You can't have a movie
about India and not have some dancing involved. Those people are just
born dancing out of the womb in synchronization. True story.
Cinderella Drop Date: Mar 13, 2015
Cate Blanchett stars in this new vision of the Cinderella tale from
director Kenneth Branagh and the screenwriting team of Chris Weitz and
Aline Brosh McKenna for Disney Pictures.
Current Judgment: You
know those fairy tale movies that made you believe in love if only you
were as skinny and fair as her? Yup, Cinderella was one of many classic
tales of a beautiful poor chick getting her dashing prince while the
rest of us had to "figure shit out." This seems like almost coinciding
with Maleficent as part of a live action series of movies of old
Disney favorites. I guess anything to make a buck right? There is a lot
of complaints on this trailer about the one black guy in there to which I
say...who gives a shit?
In the Heart of the Sea Drop Date: Mar 13, 2015
In the winter of 1820, the New England whaling ship Essex was assaulted
by something no one could believe: a whale of mammoth size and will, and
an almost human sense of vengeance. The real-life maritime disaster
would inspire Herman Melville's Moby-Dick. But that told only half the
story. "In the Heart of the Sea" reveals the encounter's harrowing
aftermath, as the ship's surviving crew is pushed to their limits and
forced to do the unthinkable to stay alive. Braving storms, starvation,
panic
and despair, the
men will call into question their deepest beliefs, from the value of
their lives to the morality of their trade, as their captain searches
for direction on the open sea and his first mate still seeks to bring
the great whale down.
Current Judgment: Chris
Hemsworth was definitely filming this movie and Blackhat
simultaneously. His hair is identical. The premise is a different
take on Moby Dick, telling the true story that inspired the novel. It
looks decent. During the time where ships were more common as the main
form of commerce, trade and travel, sailors feared the monsters of the sea.
There are multiple stories about giant creatures like the Kraken [a
giant squid], sirens, monstrous sea serpents and more. While the Kraken
is real [there are proven photographs on record of abnormally large
squids], the rest are debatable and are often tales of the imagination
and fear of the unknown. A giant whale trying to capsize your ship is
definitely something to fear though.
Insurgent Drop Date: Mar 20, 2015
THE DIVERGENT SERIES: INSURGENT raises the stakes for Tris as she
searches for allies and answers in the ruins of a futuristic Chicago.
Tris (Woodley) and Four (James) are now fugitives on the run, hunted by
Jeanine (Winslet), the leader of the power-hungry Erudite elite. Racing
against time, they must find out what Tris's family sacrificed their
lives to protect, and why the Erudite leaders will do anything to stop
them. Haunted by her past choices but desperate to protect the ones she
loves,
Tris, with Four
at her side, faces one impossible challenge after another as they unlock
the truth about the past and ultimately the future of their world.
Current Judgment: Because
putting out a shitty movie just wasn't enough. Hollywood had to put out
two shitty movies instead. Its like they can't help, but to finish a
trilogy. I'm really surprised they had the balls to make a second movie.
Serena Drop Date: Mar 27, 2015 [limited]
Adapted from the novel by Ron Rash, director Susanne Bier's romantic
period drama Serena details the deteriorating relationship between North
Carolina timber magnate Pemberton (Bradley Cooper) and his fiercely
independent, entrepreneurial-minded wife Serena (Jennifer Lawrence)
following a devastating miscarriage. A woman who isn't afraid to speak
her mind and relishes the opportunity for manual labor in the forest,
the enigmatic Serena subsequently grows intensely jealous of the woman
who
previously bore
her husband a son, and quickly begins to unravel over suspicions that
Pemberton is sheltering his illegitimate family. Rhys Ifans and Toby
Jones co-star.
Current Judgment: The
trailer really doesn't tell you much of anything. So we got a couple, a company and a murder. Is that what is going on? If it wasn't for
the description I wouldn't understand what the movie was about in the
first place. And why do they keep putting Jennifer Lawrence in these stupid roles designed for older women? Is she now the example of all fierce, cunning older females? This doesn't seem like a winner, but who knows.
Home Drop Date: Mar 27, 2015
When Oh, a loveable misfit from another planet, lands on Earth and finds
himself on the run from his own people, he forms an unlikely friendship
with an adventurous girl named Tip who is on a quest of her own.
Through a series of comic adventures with Tip, Oh comes to understand
that being different and making mistakes is all part of being human. And
while he changes her planet and she changes his world, they discover
the true meaning of the word HOME.
Current Judgment: Beside
the horrifying sponge bob movie and Strange Magic, this will be one of
the few animated films in the next few months. It looks the most
promising out of the three. Also, are Tip's and Oh's eyes the same color? Freaky.
Get Hard Drop Date: Mar 27, 2015
Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart headline this Warner Bros. comedy about a
wrongfully convicted investment banker who prepares for prison life with
the help of the man who washes his car. Etan Cohen directs, with Ian
Roberts and Jay Martel handling screenwriting duties.
Current Judgment: This
is so unrealistic. First off, investment bankers rarely go to prison
and second, the prison they end up going to is barely San Quentin. The
premise is funny, but the execution looks like Hollywood's newest
addition to their hard on for using stereotypes to induce comedy. Comedy works only if its true and its not overused. This type of humor is definitely overused.
It Follows Drop Date: Mar 27, 2015
After a strange sexual encounter, a teenager finds herself haunted by
nightmarish visions and the inescapable sense that something is after
her.
Current Judgment: So I've heard good things if you are a horror buff, but...the trailer really tells us nothing. Great.
Furious 7 Drop Date: Apr 3, 2015
Continuing the global exploits in the unstoppable franchise built on
speed, Vin Diesel, Paul Walker and Dwayne Johnson lead the returning
cast of Fast & Furious 7. James Wan directs this chapter of the
hugely successful series that also welcomes back favorites Michelle
Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges,
Elsa Pataky and Lucas Black. They are joined by international action
stars new to the franchise including Jason Statham, Djimon Hounsou, Tony
Jaa, Ronda Rousey
and Kurt Russell.
Current Judgment: They
chopped the name because it isn't the same without the whole cast. I
swear this series just DOESN'T die. Speaking of death, Paul Walker's
brothers stood in for Paul to finish up his scenes since he
died during production. You can see one of them in the trailer actually. I really hope this franchise disbands after this. Seven movies is way too many.
Television Nation: Because Hulu is currently on my payroll.
Sleepy Hollow: Return Date: Jan. 5, 2015
I'm
still working on this little blog gem, but I got hooked on this show
over the holiday break. After that midseason finale shocker, we can't
help but to wonder what is going to happen to our merry duo and what is
next for the Cranes now that their son just did the unexpected. The
season has already started this week and so far it isn't half bad, but
its a slow start. The episode was incredibly Abby/Icabod/Katrina focused and on top of that I heard they were taking 2 weeks off. Come on people, get it together!
The Walking Dead: Return Date: Feb. 8, 2015
We
all know we can't have the fall/spring season without the Walking Dead. This past season has
been the best season yet. Fast paced, to the point and just really
gutting us with the whole Eugene storyline. Screw you Eugene! It is
really a wonder where they could go from here. The world is doomed?
Maybe not. All I know is a trailer just came out recently and the almighty Rick Grimes looks like he is sporting quite a beard there. Looks like the next half of the season will be about survival [when is it not?].
Gotham: Return Date: Jan. 5, 2015
This
show was just getting good before they ended it. Even with a slow
start, Gotham had done well overall as chaos swept over the city and the Penguin is playing everyone into exactly where he wants them. I didn't like how the midseason premiere was Jim focused though. I really enjoyed watching young Bruce and Selina Kyle! Bring the rest of the gang back Gotham! We still need justice for the Waynes!
The Flash: Return Date: Jan. 20, 2015
We
FINALLY get to see the Reverse Flash and then they dropped so many HOLY
SHIT bombs on us we crapped our pants before they left us with a long
dead space before the midseason premiere. I really can't wait for this
show to come back! So many questions...so many theories. WHY did you do
this to us? Ugh.
Constantine: Return Date: Jan. 16, 2015
Is
it coming back? We still aren't exactly sure if a second season will
exist or if they will bother finishing the first one up. The show has been
displaying a whole lot of confusion from the start, but it did end on a
cliff hanger with good ol John being shot in the stomach while a monster
lurks near. And by a nun no less! I knew she had shifty eyes.
Once Upon a Time: Return Date: Mar. 1, 2015
I
hate this show. I hate this show. I hate this show. While the Frozen
season was better than I expected, I was super pissed at the new Diva
Three, Evil Darkness Queens 6 from Hell that was going on toward the
midseason ending. Cruella de Ville, Ursela and Maleficent? Really? All I
can say is...its Rumple's fault. Its ALWAYS Rumple's fault.
The Originals: Return Date: Jan. 19, 2015
So
I am still watching to see if this gets any better and it doesn't. It
has the same problems it had originally and I am not sure why I am still
watching. Maybe the inner werewolf in me hopes the wolves take over and kill all of the annoying vampires and witches. What happens when they kill their parents [again]? When will the
baby ever be safe? The kid will be 25 by the time the Mikaelson family
has murdered its way across the world.
Game of Thrones: Return Date: Apr. 12, 2015
You
know you all want more of that GoT! Season 5 is going to start and a
few characters will be out of the picture. However we get to see what
happens to bad ass Arya and whatever characters that are left that we
still give a crap about. We should also be seeing the Sand Snakes, the
daughters of our fallen sex appeal, Oberyn Martell, Cersei's demise, and
many more. It will be great to finally get back to the things I love
most, dragons, vengeance on the wicked and super thoughtful dialogue I
can totally nod my head to. APRIL 12, 2015!! SET THE DATE!
New Potential:
Galavant: Drop Date: Jan. 4, 2015
A
fair maiden, a dashing knight, and a spoiled King. Sounds typical? It
is and it makes fun of how typical by being a musical comedy. Not only
will you laugh at their fantasy jokes, you will also sing along to the
tales of Galavant and their goofy self-depreciating lyrics. Its a
mini-series and to the point it seems. Galavant is a dashing knight that
had lost his one true love to the the King. He tries to rescue her only to find
that she doesn't want rescuing and is OK with being rich and married to
a husband she dislikes. While I can't say I am in love with the show, it does seem to have a charm about it. A few famous actors are a part of this
production including the ever youthful, John Stamos [that rogue bastard,
he never ages].
Agent Carter: Drop Date: Jan. 6, 2015
Because
Marvel couldn't possibly thin the pool out any further. I was surprised
they decided to push this. I'm all for female power here me roar, but
we already have an Agents of Shield show. You are telling me we got to
watch this too? Marvel, you are getting far too greedy for me to
appreciate you right now. And the entire beginning is just reused shots from the movie. Cheating!
So what are you looking forward to this season? Comment below! VOTE NOW! Which one you want me to review the most? I AWAIT YOUR JUDGMENT!
When I first heard about Big Eyes I thought, damn Christoph Waltz is hot and this trailer really looks like Tim Burton's earlier work. You know, before the corpse obsession and Johnny Depp bromance got out of control. There is a lot of talent and story that seems to be going into this and I was very excited to check it out.
Lime green carpet? Really Burton?
Down and Dirty [Just How You Like It]:
This was so far from Tim Burton's work that if he didn't slap his name on it several times, I might have mistaken this as some one else's creative baby. Even Danny Elfman's signature musical style was different in this film. It was a straight forward story, following the life of Margaret Keane as she leaves her first husband and meets Walter Keane, starting their beloved, yet crazy romance.
The story goes through their ten year period rise to fame and ends with the resolution of her winning the lawsuit against her husband for slander. Christoph Waltz is amazing in this movie, but can feel over the top or cringe worthy. He just gives you the creeps all the way through where you can't even stomach watching him. Amy Adams does an OK job, but the feelings aren't as strong as Waltz which seems to over power her in every scene. This could be intentional since Walter was more of a dominating figure. Overall I liked it and it had a great conclusion with Margaret kicking that liar's ass!
Story:
The story followed Margaret Keane who married a man she barely knew to compensate for the times where females had little options without a man. She allowed him to help her sell her artwork and before they knew it, he is passing it off as his own. What started out as a simple lie to help her obtain money due to cultural norms, became a conspiracy that Walter believed fervently as his own. The fibs grew bigger, the artwork became more desired and Walter is consumed by his greed in building the empire based on his wife's artwork. Ive never been a big fan of people that plagiarize work, not even character wise. There is something about that just burns me to the core. The fact that this was based off of a true story disgusted me. The nice part is the fact that Margaret got 4 million in damages due to her slander case against him and a reveal to the world that she was the true artist, crushing Walter's image and turning him into a hack in the public's eyes.
Christoph Waltz:
This scene just screams pervy, rapist, sex offender.
Is there anything this man can't do? He seems to enjoy playing the villain. Christoph is pretty creepy and dominating in this film and just crushes other actors performance wise. That was probably the negative part about the movie. He was just too strong and the others were too weak. His portrayal of Walter Keane gave me the shivers, like I wanted to punch him in the face for how slimy, weasel shit he acted. The real Walter better be glad he is dead because if I saw this guy on the street, I wouldn't care he was 8O something years old, I would clock him.
Tone and Feel:
I got a STRONG Edward Scissorhands vibe due to the movie being set in the 195Os. The clean cut lawns and the bright, lumbering cars gave me that old school Burton feel. Why he decided to do something so different from the rest of his work I am unsure. However what I do know is that he is a huge Margaret Keane fan and so this could have been his opportunity to give back to her since she was commissioned previously by Burton to paint a portrait for him. Yet he was not attached to this movie until at first as a producer and then a director.
I also enjoyed the underlining discussion of a female's place during the era of the 195Os. As the movie stated, Margaret was ahead of her time. Leaving her husband before it became fashionable to do so. Now I am not saying that this was super because it was so feminist. I think it was super because of the situations women had to face compared to today. It makes you kind of appreciate the era you live in.
Big Eye Thoughts:
1. Did he say Keaton?:
There was a scene in the movie where I swore he accidentally said his name was Walter Keaton instead of Walter Keane. It threw me for a loop. I'm fairly sure he made a mistake in stating his name wrong, but I don't think anyone else caught this in post production!
And get a comb for that hair, Saruman.
2. Tim Burton...We Know You Made the Movie:
So...his name was plastered all over the title credits. I swore he wrote his name twice for the specific credit of "directed by." It was super annoying how many times his name showed up. I think he wanted to make sure we didn't mistaken this film for some one else's film. It really doesn't resemble much of his body of work.
3. The Narrator:
There is some narration in the story, but its not as intrusive as one may think. I think it enhanced the story and gave it a sense of charm and context.
4. Back Seat:
There is a discussion of how Margaret's child sat in the back seat in both scenes with the car. Even though a lot of kids sat in the front seat in that era, the shot probably had a better set up if she was in the back seat. Margaret reaching back to her child sets up a certain hierarchy, scene wise. Set the child up in the front seat, they are equals. Set her in the back seat, she is the matriarch and she is the child, the follower and the second piece in the shot. Plus when she reaches back to her daughter to reassure her, it looks better aesthetically. I know it's not realistic to the times, but I think visually its fine.
Outlived lying ex-husband and lives off of art. I say she wins!
5. The Real Margaret is in the Movie!:
According to IMDB: When Margaret and Walter are painting in front of the San Francisco
palace of Fine Arts, the real Margaret Keane can be seen reading a book
on the park bench behind them.
6. Courtroom Examination:
According to the writers, the courtroom scene was toned down considerably compared to the actual trial of Walter Keane vs Margaret Keane. What she saw in this guy I have no idea. He was obviously crazy. That back and forth between himself just made me go, WHY, Margaret? Why? 7. Margaret is Pretty Ballsy:
Twice
she left a husband due to their abuse. She may not be the best picker
of men, but she's still a very strong woman to pick up and leave like
that. I know some women today that don't have the strength to do it.
8. My Peoples!
There were more Asians in this film than I had seen in a while. Granted part of this was based in Hawaii, but it was nice to see some more Asian actors getting out there. Go my peoples!
This guy served zero purpose in this story.
9. That Douche from Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is in the Movie:
And he is still playing a douche. Does this actor have any other bodies of work besides looking like a smug dickhead? Also I have no clue what role he served in the movie besides turning down Keane's work. Talk about wasteful characters. 1O. Her Daughter:
So...how did they raise their daughter again? She really felt like a portrait on the wall and less like a character. Walter was out all the time rubbing elbows with celebrities and Margaret was chained to her room like a prisoner creating art all day. Makes one wonder how this girl didn't become more screwed up. Did this girl just make herself breakfast, lunch and dinner? There is a lot of questions about how this girl was raised.
11. How is Walter not Arrested?:
So he gets busted for fighting the club manager and hitting him with a painting. But he gets nothing out of almost stabbing a famous art critic in the eye with a fork? I still considered that attempted assault.
12. The Fire in the House:
How does the rest of the house not burn down? He sets a room on fire in his drunken anger and the rest of the house is just fine? He couldn't get into the room. I can't imagine how he fixed that, nor the smell coming out of there. Also that is SO much lost artwork! How drunk do you need to be to burn up all of the paintings that are making you money?
13. Margaret is a Crappy Negotiator:
How about I steal your work, is that OK with you?
So Walter asks for all of the rights to the paintings in exchange for the divorce. She doesn't even put up a fight. No wonder women get paid less. They don't even bother to negotiate. Then he demands 1OO more paintings before he signs the papers. Luckily she got smart and signed them all under her name, but really? 1OO more? Are you kidding me? 14. Is She Living off of Big Eyes Money?:
There is a part where Margaret ran off with her daughter to Hawaii. A year later she owned a home and still paints, but how does she make a living? It is never explained if she is just living off of the Big Eyes riches from her husband's account or she is working a full time job.
Overall the film was definitely worth seeing. Even though Christoph Waltz's character was a bit on the strong side, it was a nice, straight forward story. This piece is so far from Tim Burton's path, but its a nice change from his usual work. I hope to see Burton do more things like this in the future. I was happy to see that Margaret got justice in the end and the world is better off knowing about this beautiful artist. Because nothing sucks more than some one taking credit for your work. So get cracking, hack jobs! Do your own work! Stop copying.
What did you think of the movie, Big Eyes? Did you like it or hate it? Want "dirty" emails? Subscribe to my blog now and get the reviews right in your inbox! DnD Rating: 7/1O
