Saturday night, despite my slight hesitation, I saw Robocop because damn it, I was curious! There has been a slew of 8Os movies popping up the past few years as fan boys and girls line up at the theaters for a glimpse of their favorite nostalgia. I loved what they did with the Judge Dredd remake and I hated the Total Recall one. So it was a toss up of how they were going to handle Robocop considering its a corny, futuristic movie in the first place.
Coming into this film, I was blinded by all the bad press and pre-bad press it was getting. The original Robocop was rated R, this new Robocop is rated PG-13. Now I am not sure how far standards have shifted from the late 8Os til now, but PG-13 is whack for a movie like this. A lot of people bitched and moaned about literally anything and everything about this film. To me it was risky, but I was still interested in checking it out.
|We invade other countries so the military can eat bon bons|
I was really excited about the all-star cast behind the literal nobody that was fronting Alex Murphy's Robocop. Michael Keaton, Gary Oldman, and Samuel L Jackson [because Samuel L Jackson makes every movie better...]. All amazing actors. I was particularly giddy about Gary Oldman, because he was a surprise for me. The action was not too bad, but the blood flow was to a minimum [except the graphic photos of the injured].
The music had a strong 8Os cop music/crime show feel with lots of brass and we even got to hear Focus's Hocus Pocus in a fight scene. The only bummer was that the new Robocop really didn't pay much homage to the original Robocop. I know its a remake and its trying to stay away from the *wink winks* moments, but it would have been more entertaining if it made that connection for us.
The dialogue, was average at best. Most of the good lines went to Michael Keaton, Samuel L Jackson and the PR guy in the film. Everything else was relatively not note worthy. Even Alex was a very boring guy to hang onto as your main character. Thank God the story had ADD....
|Who do we fake care about next?|
This was definitely a story that had no real focus anywhere. The main vein was "cop almost gets murdered, cop gets revived into super cop, super cop goes after bad guy who tried to kill him, super cop succeeds." However the story was completely everywhere on who it wanted to focus on.
The story is about Alex...which is the most boring central character to date. However the story bounces between Alex, his wife, Dr. Norton, Raymond Sellars, etc etc. Then, when it bounces around, the flow starts losing its continuity. Too many jumps forces the viewer to keep up with all the details and makes it difficult to it to connect with anyone.
This film had mixed feelings on how it wanted to portray itself. Robocop was satire and I feel they were trying to go for the satire, but decided to also incorporate some seriousness too. Which was....silly to say the least. The satire was fine by itself, however putting in real emotions about his son and his wife? meh. It was a distraction even though the writers tried to push it to become the motivator for him overriding the system. Its all in how you sell it.
|COWABUNGA!!! Off the second floor.|
It is cool however to watch the fight through Murphey's visor and experience the battle with him. Other than that, some of the fights were a little outrageous, including the fights with the ED-2O9s. I was a little disappointed though that they didn't make the ED-2O9 fall down the stairs and squeal like a pig.
|That's top grade Fists of Justice you are wielding|
Where I got Cyber Punk'd:
|In the future, Blacks are the new Rethugs|
That dude needs a new tailor, bad. Hes literally shrinking in the coat that is barely held together with one button. Its purely comical with the terrible hair.
2. I can see your liver! -
There is a scene where Alex Murphy sees what he really is....basically a brain, face, trachea and a few organs to keep him alive. Literally no body. Its the creepiest, squeamish-inducing scene ever. I don't blame Alex for wanting to die. I think I would have felt the same....how horrifying. But man...the graphics were amazing. Very impressed with how well they created the movement of the organs. Still creepy though.
3. Alex's Haunted Car -
There is a scene where Alex hears his car's alarm go off while he is trying to make sexy time with his wife. He then goes outside to investigate. He can't seem to make the fob work to shut off the honking. So he walks up to the car, opens the door and BOOM! I know something has to happen to get Alex into a vulnerable position to become Robocop, but holy shit...how the hell did these guys rig the car like that? And at the perfect moment? They just tagged a bomb on his car...there is no way the bomb had remote access to the car's alarm system too. So what gives?
|No wonder he doesn't have a wife....|
What the heck did Sellars have in his office? There is like blood, and a man with a phallus inside him and some creepy dude with big feet. The painting series in the background is creepy as shit and whoever did this has issues. ISSUES, man!
5. Rice Paddys and Gasoline -
So Omnicorp is a global corporation. Cool, got it. They have factory plants in China. OK, makes sense. And they also farm rice right outside the factory. Say what? I didn't understand why the rice paddies were so close to the factory considering that is a major food source and well, factories are not know to be the cleanest places in the world. Could the writers not think of anything more stereotypical Asian than a rice paddy right outside of an Omnicorp factory? Wasn't the Chinese writing on the walls and the Chinese people yelling in Chinese good enough for the audience? Did we need this cherry on top moment of rice paddies and hard-working, female Chinese farmers picking rice too?
6. The Red Wings Games -
When Alex returns home as Robocop, his son says he taped and saved all the red wings games so he could watch them with his daddy. Well daddy blows him off and says another time pal, I cant stay. Yet we NEVER get to see the full circle of Alex finally sitting down and watching a game with his little boy. Or even a mention of it at the end of the film. Its like the film abandoned it....LIKE ALEX ABANDONS HIS SON. Damn foreshadowing....
So the Chief of Police was TRYING TO KILL HIM ALL ALONG! Holy shit. That was totally....shocker moment. There was no real set up for that at all. As many people as you follow in this film, you can't tell me you didn't have any time to set that up at least a little bit more? How did Alex jump to that conclusion in the first place? It just seemed a little random for my tastes.
8. I AM BATMAN -
Did anyone really, really wanted Michael Keaton to say "I AM BATMAN" as he stared out the window of his office? I did.
9. 5O Calibur and Up -
The bad guy boss tells his entire grew to pick up guns 5O calibur and up. Apparently nobody was listening because in a room of twenty something guys and one Robocop, you would figure a few guys would have killed him ten times over. All they did was bust Murphy's visor. Hardly a scratch was made. Come on people! I really hate it when the bad guy misses all the time unless its important to the plot, while the good guy pops a few shots and he's a sharp shooter.
|Omnicorp Security - We get paid to only look menacing|
Apparently Robocop comes with a matching set motorcycle. That's great and all, but WE didn't get introduced to the bike. I know the bike doesn't do anything important except the fact that Alex doesn't gas it up once the entire film. However....that was a BIG jump from Robocop to BIKE riding Robocop.
11. What do I pay you for? -
That guard that was supposed to protect Mr. Sellars? Yeah, screw that guy. That guy didn't do a damn thing to protect him. He had a rifle in his hand and didn't do shit against Murphy. As soon as Mr. Sellars died, he literally walked away!!! Wow...great job there, Spot. Actually..this happens a few times in the movie. Including one scene where Alex shoots a dude and all 2O security guards bail out of the scene. What shitty henchman.
12. Dead Boss -
Who took over Omnicorp after Raymond Sellars died? Was there a Vice President? And how did Norton still get the funds even though Raymond was dead? This all seems too convenient of a hit job. Maybe...just maybe...Dr. Norton was responsible for the death of Raymond Sellars. MAYBE...the real villain here is Dr. Norton. DUN DUN DUN!!!!
13. Alex's Poor Wife -
Is there a sexy time model of Alex she can play with? I mean seriously...girl has needs.
Overall, not as bad as I expected and fairly entertaining. Probably better as a rental though for a Friday/Saturday night, but still worth taking a look. Its funny, action oriented, and sometimes a little bizarre. Great cast, decent music and a good update to a classic 8Os movie.
So I leave you with Focus's Hocus Pocus....because its clearly the most bad ass song in the movie:
What did you think of the remake of Robocop? Comment below!
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DnD Rating: 7/1O
After Credits: Nope. Nothing to see....just leave.