Edge of Tomorrow: Its like Groundhogs Day with Guns and Aliens!

Today is the day, just like yesterday and the day before that. This is the conundrum Major William Cage must go through begrundgingly in this sci-fi flick about a man who inherits the ability to reset time and "go back to his last save point." Based off of the japanese short novel, "All You Need is Kill," it relates closely to the theme of the story itself while diverging off in the middle to make its own conclusions.

 The 381st attempt on Rita's life

Down and Dirty:

This movie is very entertaining all the way up to the ending where it decides to confuse the shit out of you. The graphics were decent, but a bit strange on the alien life forms. They look like an angler fish meets a flying spaghetti monster meets a spastic rave party squid. The bad part is the driving force of why the alien life landed on Earth is mentioned, but never truly addressed.

There was no skimping on the action. If you are looking for lots of fighting and death, you will get more than your share of it. The interaction between Cage and Rita are great and you can feel Cage getting closer to her as he watches her horribly die hundreds of times throughout the film. I really enjoyed how they made you go through the trials with Cage, but not force you to relive it constantly, revealing new pieces of story with each successful trial to keep your interested. Probably the best part about the film is the music, very action packed with lots of horns and brass to bring in the strong thumping movement of war.

The Story:

This is a future not so distant from our own where aliens have invaded Earth and have embedded themselves all over Europe. The United Defense Forces are about to storm the beaches of Normandy just like their great ancestors in World War 2, however what they don't know is that there is a slaughter waiting for them on the other side. The enemy knows they are coming, they have been through this day before and they have succeeded in setting up their forces to effectively destroy the dominant life form known as humans. This clever movie chronicles Major Cage and his attempts to save the human race with Rita Vrastaski, AKA "Full Metal Bitch" or  "The Angel of Verdan," who happened to share that same power Cage inherited in the past.

Characters:

That's a nice stache Sergeant Farell

MSgt Farell - Bill Paxton is hilarious as the very chipper MSgt Farell. I didn't even recognize him, he looked so different. His demeanor feels very much like an Army sergeant, minus all the yelling. The cheekiness combined with his strict, by the book attitude really brought me back to some of my old training days. Most of the time I was giggling at his very confused face when Cage was always one step ahead of him. I couldn't stop laughing at him giving Cage the "eye" like "What are you up to, son?" I also liked how he used small talk to get Cage to go where he wanted him to go.

Intent to kill, again and again and again

Rita - She is the connection between Major Cage's issue and the rest of the world. Rita has experienced what Cage is going through in the past, therefore helps explain his condition and prods him into helping her finish what she started years back in the Battle of Verdan. Rita is a seasoned, decorated warrior with mad fighting skills and nerves of steel. She has no issues with dying and is the strong driving force in convincing Cage that the only way for humanity to survive is to kill the creature that started it. Rita also helps out by making sure Cage keeps his abilities by killing him each time he is wounded.

From terrified, helpless rabbit...

Cage - Major Cage starts out as a smart, but cowardly officer that has never been in combat in his life. Forced to go onto the front lines to film the fighting on the beaches, he refuses and then is arrested, stripped of his rank and tossed in with the other scum maggots going to war. While Cage is frightened of certain death, he manages to kill an Alpha that ends up transferring the Omega's abilities to Cage so he could reset the day.

To bad ass from hell...Cage bum rushes a mimic

When Cage begins to realize what is going on, he starts training with Rita. Becoming better and more seasoned as a fighter after each death, Cage becomes increasingly bold, strong and sometimes cold to the deaths around him. He starts caring about the one person who understands his problems, Rita and is forced to watch her die hundreds of times until he can kill the Omega. In the movie, we see Cage transform from a selfish, coward to a fearless warrior dedicated to finishing the mission and save mankind.

Don't mind me, I've only been working on this for years...

Dr. Carter - This man represents the information dump / tech dude that pieces the last part of the puzzle together for Cage to finish off the Omega. He tells him about how the Omega works as well as invents a cool device that can plug into the central nervous system of the Omega to find its true location. Dr. Carter is played by Noah Taylor. For those of you who are Game of Thrones fans, he is Locke, a bannerman of Lord Bolton. He is most famous for brutally chopping off Jaime Lannister's hand. It was super weird to see him as "nice guy scientist."


What Cage Should Have Reset:

This definitely looks like a first person shooter.

1. Flying Spaghetti Monsters/Zerg/Reavers/Black Ninja Starfish - 

Whatever these things were, they were insane. They reminded me of the reavers from Gears of War, moved like ninja star fish, rave pulsed when they were communicating and sounded like zerg when they were dying. I don't blame Cage for not wanting to get close to these things, they are scary as shit.





2. Air Traffic Control Must Be Going Berserk - 

At least 5O transporters rose in the air at once, a couple coming dangerously close to the control tower. This definitely must have drove the air traffic control people up the wall. I mean I know they were all supposed to attack at once, but isn't there another way besides air drops? Remember that branch called the Navy? Just stating the options people!

3. The Hiding Spot - 

If the Omega was actually in France, why did the chart of the infestation expansion start off in the middle of Europe? Seems weird, doesn't it? Did they just pop out of a hole in the middle of Switzerland or something? Wouldn't some one realize something crash landed in Paris, France...into the Louffe? How did this information not get reported?

4. How Did They Lose Him? -

How did nobody notice Cage roll out of formation? Even if J Squad were looking at the ground while doing push ups [which is not even a correct way to do one any way] you would figure they would have saw or felt movement when Cage rolled toward the truck. Right? Also why weren't people actively looking for Cage afterward? They could have put out a Code Red or something and he would have been snapped up immediately. Did they just not care as much that people disappeared? I know, I know...if that happened, he would never get to Rita. I'm just saying. The military isn't that incompetent.

Are you sure he is not a Lannister?

5. The General is a Total Dick to Cage -

Two times he tries to arrest and murder Cage. The first time he purposely throws him out there to the wolves and LIED on his transcripts and the second time he seemed like he is going to let him go and then alerts the guards so they can apprehend him outside the building. What the hell General! You are a two face asshole.

6. Card Eating - 

This activity still eludes me. Why are we eating the playing cards again? Seems like a great way to create blockage in your digestive track and die.

7. J Squad is Horribly Unstructured and Untrained - 

Not only are they incapable of putting on the same clothes for formation, but they put on clothes that are not even proper attire for PT. Long pants and jackets seem really hot for a run. Griff goes as far as wearing a flower shirt in formation. In fact nobody is in correct formation it seems. Some are wearing hats, some are wearing regular clothes, some have facial hair and all kinds of crap. Seriously people? Did they just sign up these fresh recruits pop them in a suit and pushed them out the door to die? It doesn't even sound like they even tried to train them to fight. This rag tag team of rejects are a horribly ineffective team thanks to the unsuperior training of the United Defense Forces. Also why can the other people in J Squad talk, but as soon as Cage says something, everyone is doing pushups?


8. J Squad is a Total Dick to Cage - 

Granted Cage was a complete coward, but you are going to purposely keep the safety on and not tell him where its at? Damn dude. At least give him a lesson or two! Letting some one die just to die seems pretty cruel considering you may need every soldier to fight for the fate of the world.

9. I Have What You Had - 

I thought this line was hysterical because it sounds like he got an STD or something. Hey Rita, I have what you had...THANKS FULL METAL BITCH FOR SHARING IN THE PAIN!

1O. Right Hand / Left Hand Traffic - 

France is a right-handed traffic country, but Rita is clearly British. Why didn't she had a more difficult time driving this car that was designed for right-handed traffic? Why didn't she attempt to go on the left hand side first before realizing to stay on the right?

11. Presentation Board - 

And....he happened to have a light table with everything hidden in an old room in a manufacturing facility because.....? That was overly convenient for no reason whatsoever. Was this his private room? Does he tinker with shit in there during breaks? Does both Rita and Dr. Carter get together at times to chit chat about the design of the Omega, Alphas and what not just in case some one like Cage comes along? It just seemed like a weird place to store such important data.

^^^ This should never happen. Suit batteries are cheap.

12. Armor Protection - 

Horrific. Who builds an exosuit with so many vulnerabilities and exposure? Its like they want nobody to survive. At the same time they build these things with FINITE battery life so if you run out of battery, just consider yourself dead because you won't have any protection, nor much fire power to survive. Also why did they put the battery in the back? If you can steal a battery off of a dead troop how are they going to get it back there? Was this thing built with stupid in mind or what? And why does fatso get more protection than the rest? He looked like a tanker for a MMORPG.

13. Drop planes - 

Who thought it was a brilliant idea to drop soldiers through suspended lines? Seriously? This was the United Defense Forces grand idea to get the soldiers to the battlefield? Hundreds of drop ships full of twenty soldiers each when they should be packing at least 5O to 1OO? That seemed horribly planned for a surprise invasion. You know even the Japanese in WW2 would try to knock down planes and then collect the assholes parachuting down afterward. Why is nobody TLAMing the shit out of Europe first?

14. Old Clinton - 

There is a press coverage shot of Hilary Clinton in the beginning of the film. How old is Hilary Clinton when this happens? It seems like it could happen next year and some how we would quickly adapt and survive. Seeing a video of Clinton made me wonder, would we unite that quickly to fight a common threat? Some how I feel the answer is no.

15. Cloud's Sword of Justice - 

Anyone realize that massive cleaver Rita was holding looked super familiar? It looks like a very similar replica of Cloud's buster sword from Final Fantasy 7. Some how I don't think that was an accident, perhaps a nod to the story's Japanese roots? I wonder why MORE soldiers didn't have a cleaver of their own considering that its a very reusable and cost effective weapon. Its like the sword from Pacific Rim...why not use that shit in the beginning and not when all else fails?

16. Suit Building - 

The battle suits look like some pretty advanced shit and need consistent, top notch manufacturing to put more doomed soldiers in. But why allow people to build the suits? With all the automation going on today, you are telling me they can't program a machine to build these things through an assembly line? And who gets the battle tank version compared to the regular kind? A factory machine would build hoards of these much faster than any set of humans in existence. And they complain less too.

17. Swimming Deep Below - 

Squishy Squishy Squishy Squishy...

There is no effing way Major Cage could swim that fast toward the Omega at the bottom. The force pushing against him would tire him out quickly. Cage would drown before he reached the bottom.

18. Helmets - 

WHY IS NO ONE USING THEIR DAMN HELMETS? At least he made the cute remark it slows him down. I will give him that one. But damn dude, get some protection.

19. Hat in formation - 

I know they needed a fast distinction marker to identify Cage, but he is literally the only shit bag in formation wearing a hat besides MSgt Farell.

2O. Bionic Man Syndrome - 

This problem exists in every action movie ever. Cage survives several rib cracking, back breaking falls even though this was his last chance on Super Nintendo Hard Mode with no do overs. He also gets dragged by a plane through the concrete and water, gets tossed several yards, down a shaft, hits a piece of concrete and drops onto a car. Then STILL saves Rita chick from dying from a slab of concrete. Insane.

21. Nobody Remembers Cage - 

Remember in the beginning how there were like 3O people just chilling in the room in front of the Generals office? How did Cage and Rita walk right in? With a GUN at that? There was no metal detector in a federal building holding a high position officer? REALLY? There seemed like at least 35 armed guards just patrolling around that place out of boredom. You are saying no one recognized Cage or even stopped him from walking into the UDF Commander's office? I don't care how good he is, that's a path that is impossible to not get past without being spotted. What about his secretary? Aren't secretaries always near or next to a commanding officer's office doors? You couldn't get past them without them giving you the stink eye.

Rita and her Squad of well armored thugs

22. Rita Has Super Bitch Balls of Steel - 

Not only does she sock some dude in the face just because he was being a little shit, she owns her name "Full Metal Bitch" and hacks every murderous, invertebrate on the battlefield, refuses to play it safe like a woman and take the back seat, then demands an answer from an Officer because he disturbed her sexy yoga session. Rita...I salute you. You are my new favorite girl crush.




23. Exosuit Guy - 

And while Rita and Cage make their get away from the General's office there is a guy in an exosuit just hanging around WHY? Every guard in that building is wearing a regular uniform and this exosuit guy just happens to be walking around [or maybe trying to run away from battle?] and stops an on coming car with his suit. Its a cool shot, but this makes no sense.

24. Power Stealing Theory - 

If Cage stole their power, how did the Omega know he was coming at the end? There were quite a lot of mimics just hanging around and the Omega still has the ability to make a mistake because it never lived the day. Also if the Alpha was out for Cage's blood, why wouldn't he get it after Cage drowned? Cage kills the Alpha and the blood transfers onto him, Alpha rips Cage a new one and drowns him and.....Cage still gets to keep his abilities?

Also why would these Alphas need to exist? If this was the Omega's one weakness, why have them in the first place? What can the Alpha do that the other minions could not? They stated the mimics were the claws and the Alpha's were the nervous system. Besides killing them transfers their power, are they useful for anything else?

Last, if the power is to reset the day, why did Cage reset it 2 days prior after killing the Omega? How long has the Omega been there before the events of Cage going to Europe? Shouldn't this have reset the day the Omega came to the planet?

25. Kimmel [the fat recruit] Had a Bear on His Chest - 
Did anyone notice this? He has a teddy bear strapped to his chest. Now I wonder if Kimmel has a son/daughter and the aliens just murdered their father.

26. Old Fart - 

Is it me or is Tom Cruise REALLY looking old in this movie? It's as if time finally caught up to him and now he is forced to accept that he no longer can continue playing a young action hero. He's got super bags under his eyes and some sagging going on. No make up in the world could cover up the reality of Cruise's ungraceful aging. Not that its necessarily a bad thing. Everyone has to get old at some point. I just thought he was immortal, that's all. I wonder if Scientology can fix this problem...



So overall the movie was good. Did it have its flaws? A few. However it had a lot of really great moments and good fluidity of action. I was VERY impressed by the editing done on this film. They kept it to the point and easy to follow as Cage navigates through his nightmare of reliving the same day over and over again. The characters were interesting and the story gave a strong Groundhog's day / Starship Troopers feel to it that made it both entertaining and strong as a story.

What did you like about Edge of Tommorrow? Did you agree with the review or am I full of it? COMMENT and let the SHIT TALKING BEGIN!

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DnD Rating: 9/1O

After Credits? Nope, just walk out.

Godzilla: Perpetuating the Reality that FEMA Still Sucks at Disaster Relief

All Hail the KING! Godzilla roars into theaters and I was so ready for a monster/disaster film to make up for that awful 1998 version of "GINO" [Godzilla In Name Only]. This movie goes back to the core of what Godzilla was about. He isn't just some monster wrecking the city, he's a monster that battles other monsters who wreck the city while also wrecking the city. And he's also the people's monster, fighting for the good of the land while being mistaken as a non-cuddly version of Barney. Godzilla has shown that he is an alpha predator, a shark in the water, and a MUTO stomping, shit kicking hero of the lands.

The Angels of Death Have Arrived

Down and Dirty [just how you like it]:

So what can I say about this movie? It was pretty awesome. One of the best films I had seen in a while. This is one of the rare moments where expectations meet fulfillment and I love me some carnage porn. There is so much carnage porn I was wondering when the Jaegars/Gundams/Mechas/Giant Robots were going to come out to play.

The story was great, we got to see a lot of Godzilla battling the forces of evil, everything gets destroyed and we even get to see some G rated MUTO mating. Aww they nuzzled when they met, that's so cute! The only thing I have to say about this movie are the characters. Compared to the awesomeness of Godzilla, everyone was practically a co-star and boring ones at that. The best character was honestly crazy ass Bryan Cranston, giving one of the best performances of this movie, and he dies way too quick for us to get to know his character better. His son, Ford, however, is incredibly emotionless, boring, serious and not up to snuff [sorry Aaron Taylor Johnson...this just wasn't your movie]. If you are looking for a good disaster flick this season, Godzilla will delight!

Story:

The story is pretty intense. It starts with a disaster and ends with a happy ending...after four cities have been demolished. The story is about a man who lost his wife to a tragic accident at the power plant they both work at due to an earthquake. Years later the husband continues his madness by trying to discover the truth of the cause of his wife's death. His son, Ford is now in the United States Navy as an Explosive Ordnance Disposal Officer and has a stable life with his wife and son back in San Francisco.

Ford goes back to Japan when he gets a call that his father was arrested for trespassing. So he heads back to bail him out and tries to convince him to come back with him to the US. However his father, convinced that the Japanese are covering up the power plant accident, convinces Ford to head back to Janjira to get the data from their home and finally put this to rest. Until....they get arrested and taken to the plant where a giant egg is being fed radiation in secret by Project M.U.T.O and two purposes converge. Then shit goes to hell and then the monster hunt begins!

Characters:

We are onto you Bryan. We know you act like Hal backstage.

The characters could have been a bit more interesting. I am generally conflicted though. The movie is really about Godzilla, so you don't want to take the spotlight away from him. But Lt Brody could have been way more interesting than how he was portrayed. Everyone seemed like supporting actors and their development was bland if not totally lifeless, and unmemorable.

Aaron Taylor Johnson really seemed out of place in a military uniform, except the fact that he buffed up for the role. Bryan Cranston was the best thing about this movie, but we strangely didn't get enough of him even though he is plastered on every trailer out there.

CGI:

Super carnage porn and awesome monster disaster footage is sprawled all over this film. It takes a while to get to the moment Godzilla submerges from the sea, but its well worth it. There is destruction in Japan, Las Vegas, Honolulu and San Francisco. Golden Gate Bridge? Yeah. What bridge? Monsters be breaking through like its chicken wire. The CGI is definitely great in this film. The only thing I would have to comment is the MUTO's feet. They were...weird at best. But Godzilla was pretty damn impressive with those phat dino hips!

This reminds me of a a turtle with mountains on its shell

Godzilla:

Freaken gnarly! Best design ever. He looks just like the original, but way better. And the best part is he had the most awesome Mortal Kombat finishing move. Shit fire in your opponents mouth and rip their head off as a trophy! The whole room clapped when he started using his infamous atomic flame attack.

I also love it that they got Ken Watanabe to star in this movie just to say "Godzilla" with a Japanese accent. He totally speaks perfect English until he accents the shit out of the name "Godzilla" or should I say Gojira? Love it. Nobody else dared use that name, but him. It was HIS word.

Noted Cool Shit: 

Did anyone noticed the word "Mothra" on the fish tank? Yeah that was pretty cool. Too bad that MUTO wasn't Mothra. Sad face.

One of the best shots in the film

Toho, the original production company who created the Godzilla films, had a hand in producing this movie. They even provided the sound clip of the original Godzilla roar which was improved on for the film.

For Godzilla's fighting style, the special effects department studied the fighting style of bears and komodo dragons.

Godzilla which derived from the pronunciation of "Gojira" or "Gozira" is actually a hybrid word that is in-between the Japanese words for gorilla and whale.


Deep Water Thoughts:

This is less a list of complaints, but more commentary as I thought the movie was great...but all movies have a few flaws....shall we count the ways?

They are looking in the one area that's Asian. Racists.

1. The Military Sure Knows How to Make Things Worse:

I love the compentency level of the military in these movies. It always seems to be around saving lives, but they always manage to make screw things up. Does anyone ever have an op plan for shit like this? I think the force uses any excuse to go nuclear whenever possible. When monsters strike the city, you can always count on the military to:


Option A. Shoot at it...even though it doesn't work, hasn't worked, and continues not to work.

Option B. Hit it with bombs even though its more like a bird taking a crap on your head. Its unpleasant and annoying, but doesn't effect things large enough to throw seismic temper tantrums.

Option C. Nuke that bitch and get it over with [even though radiation is their food source and that's like dumping ice cream into their lap].

Or Even better...the AF has a plan:

Air Force Reassures Public it can Defeat Godzilla

2. Heisenberg's Wife is like a Teleporter:

I distinctly remember his wife had only started walking down the tunnel when they started noticing something wrong. You would think the first sign of a major shake, everyone would be bolting back instead of waiting for shit to break. However when they discovered a leak and her group had to run, they ran for a good ten-fifteen minutes down that hall and still didn't make it. That's like an Air Force PT test right there. There is no way she could have gone in a mile and a half already in that short of a time. Also...what is the point of having suits if they aren't going to protect you from a major leakage? And dude...she died on your birthday? Man...God is a dick to Heisenberg.

Her entire purpose was to say happy birthday and die...

3. Reused Looping Footage:

Also....with the gas leak running scene, they totally reused that footage over and over and over again. I thought something was up when that same hallway like gas flurry looked oh so similar every time. And strangely as that smoke was chasing them, they were able to keep up even when they fell? Nope. That should have caught up with them as soon as they fell and tried to get off the ground.

4. Some Dude With Goggles Got In the Movie:

Yeah some guy with googles just took up the whole screen in the beginning. Who does he think he is? Famous? pfft.

5. Missing Scenes:

There were scenes in the trailer that were cut out of the movie. The part where Godzilla is roaring as the doors close [the doors do close on Godzilla, but he is fighting with his opponent] and the part where Lt Brody asks, "Can we kill it?"Also they clipped part of the speech Bryan Cranston did in the trailer too. They extracted a line out of it in the final cut. How did I even notice this? I've only seen the trailer like 15 times and each variation of Godzilla's trailers almost has the same scenes in it.

6. Gas Masks...Who Needs Them?:

I am amazed at how many people just pop off their gas masks in this movie like its no big deal. I mean you aren't wearing thick, scratchy, hot MOPP gear just for shits and giggles. You are wearing it because radiation poisoning is a bad mofo. This is the 3OO helmet situation all over again. I know we all want to see the actor's pretty faces, but geezus people, does anyone read the safety manual? Ever?

This love machine looks like Aliens had sex with Goro

7. Pokemon! Gotta catch Em All!:

I swear to God the MUTOs look like Pokemon. I was waiting for Ash Ketchum to pop up from
around the corner with Pikachu to do battle and try to capture those impressive creatures with a legendary super ball. Then after their victory, they will high five each other and Ash will be like "All right Pikachu! We did it!" and Pikachu will scream in excitement, "Pika pi!" and wait...I'm totally getting carried away with this comment point.

8. Broken Promises:

They never addressed the broken promise Lt Brody gave to his son that he would be there the next day. In fact...he broke a LOT of promises in this movie. I'm fairly sure his child is going to grow up to be a drug addict. Yup. Drug addict.

9. Instant Uniform:

So Lt Brody gets rifted with the Army and needs a uniform because...nobody will take him seriously without one? And what do you know, they have a spare for the Navy guy! WOWS. Thanks Army Dudes. We are like hundreds of miles from the closest base, but you are total bros. Also I expected the Army guys to call Lt Brody a seaman as much as possible. Damn...opportunity missed!

1O. NAAAAPPP TIME!

And after the King of Beasts had a thrilling romp through the city and bitch slapeth his winged, spider foes to the next stone age. Our King taketh a nap near the pier and a well deserved rest for saving half of the city so all the gays can rejoice and keep on rockin their Andrew Christian underwear. The End.

It is a miracle they had his size...

11. The Man that Wouldn't Die

So Lt Brody goes through some pretty screwed up events in the time line of the movie. He jumps from a very high set of train tracks into a river. He miraculously does not break his legs or back in the process. He got swept away with a entangled mess of steel and wood and was the lone survivor. And then he served up some scrambled MUTO eggs and got twerk blasted a good 1OO feet forward. And some how he still gets to keep everything. Damn dude. Bionic man, much?

12. Heisenberg is SO not in this movie!

The trailers REALLY focus on Bryan Cranston a lot like he is in this movie. The guy dies like 3O minutes into it and the rest of the story is carried on by his bore of a son. ZZZZzzzz Ford. Who names their kids after cars? pfft.

13. Where Did That Picture Come From?

When Lt Brody was onboard the aircraft before his jump he pulls out a picture of his wife and kid. First off...who keeps physical pictures anymore and how in the world did he manage to get it? And even if he had it the entire time..how did that photo survive after all the shit he went through?

14. Excuse me, Pardon me, Sorry! Coming through:

Damn military. Why the hell are you in Godzilla's way? He was trying to be polite and dive deeper to avoid capsizing your stupid ships, but all of your bo-ats were totally cock blocking him from passing. MOVE. Its your fault your ships flipped. You think your dumb ships are going to stop him from moving you out of the way like a toy in a child's bathtub? Also for a monster...he was very polite. After he finished his nap, he gently got up, walked back into the water and left. What a GGG, Godzilla was.

And the Best Christmas Lights of 2O14 go to...

15. MUTO Chandelier Eggs:

That was a pretty display MUTO female produced, but how could one make the missile look like that without sticking it up her hooha and shitting eggs on it? Also...we totally didn't get a chance to see prehistoric softcore monster porn with some love tracks from the master, Barry White. MISSED OPPORTUNITIES!

16. Finally! We Found the Sub!:

I'm so happy for them that they found that random Russian nuclear submarine, but seriously...how long has that shit been hanging there? Does nobody hike in Hawaii? And how did this sub get there again? Did MUTO do some spearfishing off the coast of the Kamchatka Peninsula and pick up a sub sandwich on his way into town?

17. Man's Best Friend's Contract Ends Today:

The dog that ran from the tidal wave, would have been gone FAR before the humans would have ever noticed something was up. Like I told my friend, if you see animals all running in ONE direction, FOLLOW THEM! Drop whatever donut you are eating and run you fools!

18. This Guy Can't Catch a Break:

Everywhere Lt Brody goes...those things follow him. Japan, Hawaii and then California? Shit dude. If I were Lt Brody I would quit my job and live as a hermit as far inland as I could get to keep away from those things.

19. I am Running On the Railroad, All the Live Long Day:

Just walking on those tracks with wide spacing was hard enough for the Army....then they had to run? Oh no. That isn't possible in a panic. I was expecting some one to fall through, but nope, MUTO-SAN ate them instead.

This disaster looks super familiar....

2O. And They Stopped Everyone on the Bridge...WHY?:

Everyone is trying to escape from the city with busloads of people and the police are blocking the bridge. WTF San Francisco Police. This is not a time to be cordoning shit off, assholes. In a few seconds there isn't going to BE a Golden Gate Bridge!

21. Everyone in This Movie is Deaf:

There were multiple times character's in this film were surprised to see something behind him. Such as the Japanese Police at the old Brody home..and the monsters SNEAKING up on them. I mean...these things just breath and shit explodes. How can they not hear or feel these things walking around?

Oh yeah..Godzilla's Kaiju bros broke this shit a year ago

22. Goth Asian:

HA. Goth Asian. Sorry. I had to add that one.

23. Annnnnnddd...we lost him:

The Navy had to have known Godzilla was just messing with them and letting them escort him around for fun before he took off.

Godzilla: Oh hey fellas. Nice Bo-ats you got there. OH. Sorry. Spotted my prey. TTYL BYES!

Deep submerge...TAKES OFF LIKE A SHARK.

Yeah Navy...you funny.

The markings are to assure you don't confuse it with RAID

25. I Quit:

Once you start seeing F-35s and F-15s fall out of the sky...that's when you start considering putting in your separation paperwork. Yeah...screw that. When they said, "All threats, foreign and domestic," I didn't think they meant katamari sized monsters shitting on the city. That looks like a big cup of NOPE to me.


So overall, I give this movie a big double thumbs up. It was everything I would expect out of a monster movie and they didn't skimp on the destructive force of the battle scenes. Which is what we all came to see, isn't it? Godzilla 2O14 had a strong Pacific Rim/Jurassic Park feel at times, but still kept to its own design. Going back to the heart of what made Godzilla defining and memorable. He wasn't just another stupid monster, he was a monster that people could empathize with. So if you want to have a rampaging good time, I highly recommend Godzilla!


What did you think of the new Godzilla movie?

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DnD Rating: OH NO, 9/1O MEANS YOU GOT TO GO GO SEE GODZILLA!

After Credits?: Nope. Don't bother waiting.

Ender's Game: If you didn't read the book, screw you! Stay confused.

I finally got a chance to take a shot at Ender's Game. I am a huge sci-fi buff. So much that I am currently working on a novel in that genre. I love both Star Wars and Star Trek. I hate very little and love a lot. Ender's Game is a popular novel series by Orson Scott Card and is heralded by many as that one story that came before the Hunger Games about the controversy of kids being trained as killers.

So I do have Ender's Game on my Kindle and its on my to do list...like millions of other books. However I had a trusty expert with me that has read the series, so I can ask all the annoying questions during the movie, like the asshole reviewer I am. And boy were there so many questions...its hard to keep up.

First Impressions:

If you haven't read the book, you are literally screwed in every sense. The scenes are very
disconjointed and moved so quickly, no scene seemed significant enough for me to cling to the plot or the characters. The movie just flipped from scene to scene with little emotional connection. There was barely any foreshadowing [even though it desperately needed it] and half the shit I was confused about was never fleshed out or explained. So basically the entire movie was just a collection of scenes, leaving you wondering so much about Ender's violent behavior, the world he lived in and the connection between him and the bugs.

Actors: 

Why is home girl dressed and the others are not?

The acting was all right. I would say half and half. Asa Butterfield was an interesting Ender Wiggins and I enjoyed his performance, but he seemed a bit stiff some of the time. I am not sure if that is how his character is or what. Harrison Ford is awesome of course and so is Ben Kingsley [I love you Ben!]. Nonso Anozie is an amazing Sergeant Dap [for those who don't know who he is, he is Renfield in the Dracula TV series] and I probably like his character the most. He had the strongest emotion out of all the characters that existed in the film.

However the rest of the squirt brigade? Sub par. There were way too many characters introduced in these scenes for me to care about them. Bean? whatever. Commander Bozo..or whatever his name is? Don't care. That one chick that took a liking to Ender? Yeah, I already forgot her name. by the way, I was glad Bonzo died. Yup..the rest of the characters just didn't get enough time for me to develop that connection with them and its sad that had to happen.

CGI:

Barely passable. This was the section that I have to say was the worst. I've seen amazing animation and green screening before. This was not it. You could tell when there was a green screen present. The CGI on the ships looked like they were from a computer game. I think Mass Effect had better CGI, which by the way they stole the look of the citadel from the game. The production value of this was low when it came to the graphics. Probably Ben and Harrison sucked all the money up so the graphic flunkies had to work for peanuts.

Are we playing dominos, yahtzee or vegas lights? I can't tell.

Director: I want Harrison Ford. Get him for me right maow!

Casting: Right away, sexy director, sir!

Graphics Flunkie: "Uh, if we get Harrison Ford, that means we have to downgrade the battle school gravity room sir."

Director: [in regal voice] "Make it so."


Story: 

As I stated previously...if you didn't read the book, you were missing out on a lot of back story. The whole story by itself is epically confusing. I don't really feel for Ender until the very end where a twist just blows me out of the water. If only the story up til then wasn't so shitty that I could appreciate how epically brilliant the ending was. And it IS brilliant. It just would have been more so if the rest of the story was fleshed out a bit more. I would have been OK with an extra 45 minutes of movie time if it resolved all the confusion and developed the characters, situations and story to make this more satisfying. The Hobbit did it...and even though it was WAAAAYYYYY too overdrawn, it really invests in the whole story and not just part of it.


What Ender Should have Destroyed:

1. Teenage Angst -

I honestly don't remember high school being this brutal. Or teens being this angry. Ender has a lot of angst underneath his cold, reptilian composure and the movie barely explains why besides him being terrorized by his brother. If Ender uses the tactic of beating the living shit out of his school mates to prevent them from never screwing with him again, why isn't he doing the same with his brother Peter? He could easily kill him....which by the way...we never learn that both the boys that Ender fights actually die in the book. Even Ender didn't know until after the fact when they lied to his face that they are going to survive. I'm really disappointed they did not include that!

2. The Shitty Security at Battle School - 

Cindy soon realizes that she will never get her threesome...

NOBODY is watching these kids! And when they are watching them, they aren't stopping them fromtrying to kill each other either. Who is seriously running this school? Why were a group of bullies able to corner Ender in the showers. WHY was Ender the only kid that was showering in the first place?

You know how many people escaped from Basic Training when I was at Lackland AFB? NOBODY. You know why? MTIs were stalking the halls waiting to attack and consume trainee blood, that's why. You could not escape from that prison even if you wanted to. They will find you, they will catch you, and then you will be punished into the ground. The fact that a military academy for kids in SPACE has barely anybody watching the kids is really absurd.

3. Who Runs This Joint?

This goes back to the serious stupidity of Battle School. Sergeant Dap is running the yellow training group...so who the hell is running the salamanders? Doesn't every group get a Sergeant? And who is running the school? Harrison Ford could not possibly be running the High School on Earth, Battle School in space and the Commanders School way out yonder in bug country. So what knuckle dragger is keeping this place in shape? There are literally no adults running around. Ever. EVER.

4. Who Are You Playing Again?

Don't worry son, we are going to ruin your life.

OK. I never got the low down of what Harrison Ford's character was supposed to be because he keeps switching positions on me. Was he a talent scout for the chosen one? Was he our Morpheus in this movie? Was he just a high brow officer just hanging around until some one with a killer instinct showed up? Yet again, I get peanuts for explanations here.

5. Major Anderson Departs -

And I still don't know the reason why. My assumption is that Harrison Ford told her he's going to trick Ender into killing all the Formics [the bug aliens], but we never got that satisfaction in the movie. I barely got to know her character before she departed and I was really interested in seeing more of her rather than all the testosterone flying around. So I wonder if this is just like, "Don't be a Menace"? "Sorry, baby: you know there ain't no positive black females in these movies"

6. The Manual Sweep Guys on Planet 'Who the Heck Cares?'

I realized this was different in the book, but in the movie this blew me away. No more than literally a
mall parking lot walk across the way was a cave with the dying Queen bug and her eggling. How did no one ever find this? You would figure if you slapped a base on a nearby planet, you would do a pretty clean sweep before you allow humans to inhabit it permanently. And as usual....where are the guards? Seriously. Why weren't there an assload of guards preventing Ender and his girlfriend from running outside and off the compound? Why wasn't there a perimeter fence? CAN WE GET AN ADULT TO CHAPERONE IN THIS MOVIE?

Everything the light touches is your kingdom, you murderer.

7. Fake Privacy Rights - 

When Ender left his family, he got all of his privacy rights restored. Except for the fact that they are monitoring him and nobody else 24/7. What was the point of giving him his rights back if they were going to observe him in secret any way? This is just like the NSA..."We are totally not listening to your phone calls, just recording all of them to use against you in the future, peon." Did they do that with every other kid? NOOOOOO. I mean if they monitored all the kids they would have seen Bonzo and Ender duke it out. In fact, they would have seen Bonzo about to attack Ender in the shower any way if they were watching Ender's every move. And if they were watching Ender in the shower, does that mean they are watching child porn???

8. Whoever Thought of Using Kids to Kill Aliens was a Dick -

This whole kid concept was confusing to me and was barely explained in the movie. I understood the Hunger Games use of children. Retribution for defiance....sacrifice the kids...make it like a sick television show...bla bla bla. The premise makes sense to me. Raising kids in a video game/war environment and training them to fight a war as children has no real foundation to it. I would understand if you were training these kids into adulthood to become leaders and killers, but the movie made me feel like they thought kids would be a much better choice. Like as if little thought was put into the concept of WHY children rather than why not? Big difference. Also I wasn't exactly sure of the selection process of who goes to Battle School and who doesn't. Peter was too angry, Valentine was too compassionate. However Bonzo was an angry prick, how did that get past the over omni-present Eye of Sauron.

Damn, you should have stayed dead.

9. Mazer Rackham: The Definition of Total Shithead - 

I love Ben Kingsley, but I hated his character. Not only was he a fake causality that was part of the propaganda war machine, he also caused a butt load of damage from all of those falling space planes that fell back to Earth. He also invaded Ender's space during his first night [creepy...] and beat him down like a mysterious Jedi/Ghandi/Ninja just to deliver a cryptic message. Thanks bro, now I will have nightmares of creepy men hiding in corners of my room. Holy shit sticks, Mazer, you are an inconsiderate bastard.

1O. That Guy that was Filming the Final Battle of Mazer Rackham vs the Formics - 

Who the hell was filming Mazer Rackham? I mean the video shots were cool, but who the hell was getting the footage? Was it a drone? Another fighter? You got to know that footage was fake just due to that alone.

11. Lockheed Martin's Shitty Future Version of the F-22 Raptor -

Screw your planes, they still don't work and I hope the alien bugs take a steaming pile of poo all over them so they all crash into the ground.

They always look so peaceful before they die....

12. The Creator of that Creepy Ass Game -

Whoever made the fairytale game is totally twisted. So the first set up of the game is two glasses...one is supposed to have poison and one does not. The giant insists you must pick one. So Ender tries both options and they are both poisoned. So instead of drinking the poisoned glasses, he screws the giant's skull instead. That's DARK AS SHIT. Satan would approve.

13. Ender's Screwed up Family - 

Duuuuuuuude, Ender's family is super angry face dramatic. Peter goes out of his way to try to choke Ender to death, the sister is a helpless little girl, the father is clearly an angry Republican [Damn bugs, get off my lawn!] and the mother seems passionless. No wonder Ender wants to beat other kids to death, I would to in a family this crazy. Actually I'm surprised Ender isn't a psychopath, except those two times he killed a man. His song should really be "Killing in the Name Of" by Rage Against the Machine.

15. They Have No Vocal Chords! -

This whole no vocal chords argument is a crock of shit. If we couldn't communicate with them how in the world did we know they were looking for water on Earth? How did we know anything about them at all? How did we even find out where they lived? There are too many I don't knows around here for me to believe we could not communicate with them at all and figured out what their species was about. I have a feeling this is often how wars get started...

Indigenous People: "Welcome to our homeland. We have plenty of food for everyone."

Invader Leader: "Whats he saying?"

Shitty Interpreter: "I think they want to eat us."

Invader Leader: "Send the small pox blanket! And then chop off their heads, rape their women and eat their babies. They are CLEARLY all savages."

*Everyone starts raping, pillaging and ethnically cleansing the land*

Indigenous People: *collectively shits their pants*

And then we get to learn the luke warm reality through history! Kind of like Thanksgiving.

15. The Crew Follows You - 

So Ender's friends just magically show up at Commanders school, obviously not to become Commanders but to help Ender beat the simulations. So as my expert tells me, Ender specifically requests these people. In the movie...its more of a  "SURPRISE" Birthday Party with the worst gift saved for last [the death of an entire race. SURPRISE!]. Yet again....if I need an expert with me, this movie sucks.

16. This won't hurt at all - 

That nurse that pulled Ender's wire tap thing in his neck. Seriously...that's the same as getting a endoscopy where the doctor said "you will feel minor discomfort...as I shove this tube up your virgin ass." You are RIPPING something out of his neck. Can you seriously not be a tad bit more gentle, you psycho?


So my conclusion is, unless you read the book, you will clearly be lost. The whole movie depends on the viewers just getting it and I feel like there were a lot of scenes missing that could have made this a much better movie about the horrors of war and the manipulation of powerful people. What started as a thought provoking premise became a nightmare of trying to keep up and a mountain of questions stacking against the ceiling. I say don't go into this movie hoping it would be well rounded. It has plenty of flaws and very little character development.

Also...

Ender Cupcakes...choose your favorite loser!

Where the hell were the rest of these groups? The rats, snakes and other units? What was the point of having all 6 of these units displayed for marketing when you only end up introducing two of them? AND I WANT CUPCAKES....

DnD's Rating: 4/1O

Judgment: This movie is just a metaphor for my first Vegas apartment. Except I didn't cry when I killed them all...I rejoiced in their dead little carcasses and feeble murdered spawn screaming for help as I pump acid into the walls to eat their flesh away.

Yes, I am the Harrison Ford of Roach Killing.


P.S. What the hell is this?

Mmmm home-made mystery meat. My favorite.

Sherlock - The Magnetic Sleuth Rocks Modern Day England

Mark my words, you will enjoy the tantalizing works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes in modern day England. Starring an eccentric Benedict Cumberbatch and solid Martin Freeman. This series is for the sleuth in all of us, calling out our inner detective to solve every mystery as Sherlock does. And then laughing like we knew the answer all along [we didn't].

The best part? He doesn't even say Elementary, my Dear Watson. Thank God. A breath of fresh air and as strange as you want it, you got it. Benedict entertains as the great Sherlock Holmes, making him so enjoyable, I hardly miss *shock* Dr. House. All the great witty bantering, eccentric behavior, cutting tongue, and driving intellect has been brandished into a shining penny due to this man's talents.

The best part of the series...drunk games!

Martin Freeman is an excellent Watson, playing an ex-military doctor that needed a kick in the pants to restart his boring civilian life. However, he finds all the adventure he could ever stomach and more when he meets Holmes. They are really made for each other as they balance each other's attributes.Watson is even tempered when Sherlock is out of control, warm when Sherlock is cold, and accepting like no other friend could be to a man so out of place in this world. Watson is the rock while Sherlock is the kite.

The Good:

Acting:

All by myself...don't wanna be..oh wait, he does.

There is a magnetic quality thrown into Sherlock Holmes by the great Benedict Cumberbatch. He isn't just the superior analytical detective we all know and love. He is an arrogant one with a flavor of strange that makes him lovable, if not wacky. Superb chops are on display here and I feel at the core these characters suit them well. Playing off of each other with a warm friendship that I feel is evident even off screen.

The rest of the cast is very well conceived, bringing to life an array of colorful characters from Ms. Hudson, a sweet old woman who assured her drug dealer husband's death to the ever psychotic Moriarty who makes even the worst of us go, "what the shit is his problem?"

Effects:

The greatest effects are the ones where we get to be inside of Sherlock's mind. The texting is quite conveniently laid out too. I like the format of it being written on the wall instead of us peaking at the phone itself. Everyone gets it and its an easier, less intrusive way to keep us in the loop. We also have everything from symbols to running through mind palaces or flipping through information like an internet search. It really connects well with today's viewers in understanding his mind by illustrating it like a fast processing computer.

The Plots:

This sums up most of the series...

The plots are interesting. They are based on the original novels by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, but you have to wonder if each one is by the book or some are made up? There are only 4 novels, but there are 56 short stories that exist in the Sherlock Holmes universe. I have not read even close to all of them so its hard to tell if some are loosely based off of some short stories, while other episodes are made up.

As for the set up, as much as I like old England, new England is just as cool and more technology savvy. I think this modern day setting makes it easier for us to relate to Sherlock and his adventures while giving the writers an expansion of ideas to play off of compared to being limited to the technology and possible crime plots of old England. Besides that....its very overdone.

So some plots are great and some plots are not. However that is not why I watch this series. What is really important is watching Sherlock and Watson solve the case and get into trouble. In essence, this is a similar formula to House MD. Everyone knows House is going to solve the case. Nobody cares about the ending.

Everyone just wants to watch House be a total douche to everyone while he does it. Since Gregory House is based off of Sherlock Holmes, I can start to see why I really don't like the endings, nor the reveal of bad guy intent [as I mention later in this review]. Some of the reasoning is boring or not interesting enough. However watching Sherlock solve the case is, as well as who he manipulates or screws over to do it.  Its these interesting interactions he has with the world that make

Well that answers that question...

the series the most fun to watch. Everything else is just bonus.

And like all Sherlock versions, we anchor ourselves to Watson, since he is the "dummy" that asks the questions we all want to know. Although he is far from stupid and that is why Sherlock enjoys his company so much. If it were up to Sherlock, we would never get an explanation and the story would just be awful. John tends to humanize Sherlock in a way Sherlock can not, which creates an excellent balance of dynamics that keeps the story flowing.


The Bad:


The series however has some issues. For one, its only 3 episodes long per season. Granted each episode is like a movie, 1.5 hours long...it never feels long enough. We also have the problem of the season that shows up whenever it feels like. We all know Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman are both busy men, but its painfully unfair for seasons to come and go with years in-between. Dreadful even. Who can stand waiting? Why does the series producers choose to do this to their audience? Is it really worth the wait or does it always leave a bad taste with the cliff hangers for years to come? How does one build a fan base based on inconsistency? Who knows, but this series certainly has done it.

Villains:

As I stated earlier, "Was I impressed with the villains?" I don't know about that. This is the single biggest complaint I have of the series. The villains don't strike me as some one I want to hate, but more a get under your skin type of irritation, which makes it hard to get into them.

And apparently he plays the pringles guy on the side too.

The nonsensical chaos of Moriarty bugs me as even the most crazy of bad guys make sense in some manner. I was very upset that the writers chose to kill off Moriarty in the least gratifying way. It was injustice as far as story telling goes. The hero never gets to defeat the bad guy, the bad guy defeats himself to pigeon hole Sherlock.

And what about the last bad guy in season 3? Magnussen [does that sound like cold medication to you? Or maybe the name we would give to snot]? He is the worst of them all. His biggest weapon is knowledge, similar to Sherlock Holmes, but used in a way to black mail people. I was personally glad Sherlock shot him right in the head, but I was more hoping Watson would have due to the face flicking. Like I said...Villains...very irritating lot and I'm not sure if they handle them the way I expect. So at least its a surprise each time.

Blood, Boobs, Blocked?

Evil Sherlock on the Horizon?

This series really should be put on HBO. Maybe I am just a little too use to a new breed of violent television, but the whole show seems rather soft in its display of violence and everything else. Granted, I really don't like seeing sex scenes, so I'm OK with never seeing that. However the little blood there is seems odd to me.

Maybe you can argue its not that type of show, but there is a pristine innocence I find off putting. I am glad Sherlock went dark and killed some one. I hope he becomes darker as the series progresses. It would be interesting. Especially if 'you know who' is still in the picture.

Think of it this way...the whole Batman concept. "Either you die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain." Not that I want him to be a villain per say, but changed in a way that pushes his character forward into the shadows. I want him a bit unhinged for a while....since the last guy actually outsmarted him. I can see that as a jumping point to explore a new depth of Sherlock that we haven't gotten a chance to see yet.


The Ugly: [And the biggest gripes go to....]

Lets pull out the laundry list of undead mofos...

WHY DOES NOBODY EVER DIE IN THIS SERIES?! Christ.

Season 3 - Last Episode - A lot of WTFs and a mess of a story. I was not happy with how they worked the episode in general. It was more sloppy and random than past episodes. Especially after coming off a good high with the first two, this was the messiest I had seen in a while.

Way too many things going on at once and the whole mind palace sequence with Sherlock's dying scene was just too over the top. The episode felt rushed and packed with too much NEW information that didn't need to be there. Either way, I am still looking forward to the next season. TRY AGAIN, WRITERS! I know you can do it!

What do you think of the TV series, Sherlock? Tell me in the comments below!

If you like my reviews or want to hear me rant or rave about something else, subscribe, suggest, get involved! I would love to hear from all of you.

DnD Rating: 9/1O

Dracula - The American Hippy Bloodsucker that Brings London to its Knees [ SUPER SPOILERS]

So this past weekend, I was hunting for a new show to get hooked on while waiting for The Walking Dead, Once Upon a Time, and Game of Thrones to come back. Even though I have How I Met Your Mother, their short episodes are not cutting it with my addiction for story and therefore I've been throwing quite the temperamental fit lately due to withdrawal.

Crosses are so retro Dr. Van Helsing...

Enter Dracula, a new series from NBC that came out this past year. I had seen the advertisements at Comic Con and had quickly forgotten about it afterward since I don't have cable. However I was lucky enough to find all ten episodes on Hulu. Mind you, it is RARE to find an entire season free on Hulu, so this one has to suck. The advertisers are probably dieing for fans. Maybe. At least those were my initial thoughts.

Although I discovered its not as bad as one might think. If you are a Dracula fanatic, you would be highly disappointed in this series. It is not only just another retelling, but it strays far off the beaten path. The only resemblance is simply the names, the vampire and the Order of the Dragon. But if you are more the adventurous type [or you are simply just an average vampire fan], its actually quite fun to watch.

Johnathan Rhys Meyers stars as Dracula/Alexander Grayson [Joy!]. We all know about his fabulous acting as King Henry VIII in the Tudors. Johnathan has a flair for the dramatic and he does a fine job as the mysterious, sophisticated Grayson. Alongside him is his tall and dominating servant, Renfield who is considerably well spoken and educated for the times. As well as Abraham Van Helsing, a sworn enemy in many adaptions, now his ally if not for the short term.

The moment Harker realizes he is not getting married...

But there is more, a hungry journalist, Johnathan Harker who is trying trying to claw his way up the ladder [and we all know him as the protagonist of Bram Stoker's novel]. He is paired with Miss Mina Murry who is trying to become a female doctor. By her side is her friend Lucy, a seemingly over-involved friend who we later find out is in love with Mina and tries to get closer to her.

There are many other characters, mainly those who run the Order of the Dragon that Dracula is trying to destroy. The most important would be the huntsman [I have no idea why they don't call her huntress] Lady Jayne who is sworn to hunt and destroy any vampires that stalk the streets of London. She plays a dangerous game when she acquaints herself with Mr. Grayson without really knowing who he really is. It takes a while before she figures out Mr. Grayson's identity, but we never truly know until the end.

Acting/Character Dynamics:

Sing it!:  People let me tell you bout my best friend...

Superb on most fronts. I would say that Johnathan Rhys Meyers is significantly more interesting to watch than anyone on screen. The cast is quite good and entertaining to say the least.

I really enjoyed the dynamic between Dracula and Rensfield since they are more than just Master and Servant. You can see that they are friends and quite good friends at that. Rensfield is the type of friend that would take Dracula's secret to the grave. His friendship is absolute and Dracula therefore tolerates Rensfield's slights without a single retaliation and is even considerably gentle when he had to put him back in his place the one time he overstepped his boundaries.

What is more interesting is Van Helsing's relationship in all of this. A professor of medicine, a rogue anti-hero and a bitter soul. This is the man who is responsible for the return of the mighty vampire lord if only for his own purposes. Van Helsing though is not really a likable character, usually cold and aloof. He is not beyond torture, murder or black mail. An odd touch to such a man.

Two gentleman, no cup

The rest of the characters I feel is fodder unfortunately. Pawns in a much larger scale game, a deadly game these men play. Mina is simply clueless to the insanity, Lucy is stuck in her own little world, Johnathan Harker is a tool that ends up getting used in the end, and the huntress, she seems very distracted with her man eating love affairs and political dabblings. Only a few times does she go out and hunt vampires and yet her fighting scenes seem so rushed to be anything significant.

Story Flow/Writing:

I would have to say the story is paced very well until the last two episodes. It seems the writers were in a hurry to end the season and it was disappointing how many characters were murdered all at once. It feels like they might have found out around episode 8 that they were losing their jobs, so decided to burn the whole thing to the ground. I'm fairly disappointed in that since I had hope for a second season up until then.

What I did like about the series was that Dracula had so many amazing lines that really struck me deeply. The writers really had great wit among their team and I loved how truthful they were. Tons of quotable lines is still not a substitute for such a rushed ending [probably assuming they will not have another season].


What didn't strike my fancy:

1. The Opening Sequence - 

Adore the visuals, but the intro music is lacking to say the least. Im not sure if that is typical, but I am fond of good openings. Maybe its just me...but there aren't many that strike me that well. I think the only ones Ive liked lately were Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead.

LUCY. You got a lot of esplaining to do!

2.  Harker's sudden evil - 

I understand they were building this for a while, but it still seemed rushed. Why would he just do all of this out of spite? The enemy of my enemy is my friend? I mean he could do a lot more than what he did and still had been a free agent. Hes kind of a terrible character in my eyes.

3. Lucy's Turning - 

I'm not even sure why Dracula turned Lucy. Regardless of his haphazard reason...it seemed a pointless type of revenge. And you just left a cliffhanger thread for a series that might be cancelled. CURSE YOU NBC!

4. America - 

I am super confused how Dracula got to America only to return to London. So he gets resurrected to help Van Helsing...but when in God's name did he find time to board a train in America to buy up the property of some rich yahoo only to meet Rensfield? It makes no sense how or why he would go there in the first place. In the beginning Rensfield coaches him stating "You are an American Industrialist" as if this was the first time he ever heard it. Trying to cover his accent maybe a good start...but bloody hell...England English must have a LOT more words to remove or alter than just "schedule."

Free cars and sex for everyone! I got that vampire money.

5. Gold - 

Dracula is like Tony Stark rich, but we never really were explaiend where the money came from. Its hinted he some how made his wealth in America, but we still don't understand why he was there in the first place. The problem is, he's a little too wealthy. Tossing money left and right as if he shat this stuff out every morning. How can a man be that damn wealthy? Please tell me!

6. Mina/Ilona - 

Mina spends most of her time denying whatever affection she has for Dracula, but in the end tells him she dreams about this dead version of herself all the time. If she knew this, why didn't we spend more time on her understanding who Ilona was instead of sitting around studying medicine, arguing with Harker or partying with Lucy? So many missed opportunities to develop that dream Ilona and get to know her for more of a person...instead of a screaming, burning woman.

7. The vampire chick - 

How in the world did Dracula get the vampire chick out of the Huntsman's dungeon without her noticing? It seems she strolls down there every now and then to check up on the crazy monster just for amusements sake. Was the sex really that good?

WHY DIDN'T THIS HAPPEN?!

8. Turning the Huntsman - 

Dracula's most powerful enemy could have easily been turned to serve him and yet he honorably killed her instead. Confusing and also disappointing considering how powerful and useful she would have been.

9. Confusing powers - 

So Dracula's blood can turn anyone into a vampire, yet he bites Lucy and she is now a vampire. Please brush me up on my vampire knowledge...but I feel some how that is wrong. Also he can sense seers watching him but doesn't sense the last seer watching him? And now hes like a dog and can pick up on any scent to track some one down? What can't Dracula do? And if he could easily do that...why didn't he just track the Order wait until they had a meeting, lock the doors from the outside and BURN them alive inside? Why go through so much of the Order's political BS if Drac and friends were going to kill them all at some point?

Worst weapon ever, you morpheus wannabe!

1O. The special weapon that....didn't do a thing? -

The Huntsman was given an ancient weapon from the seer and....we still have no idea what it does because she stabbed him with it and he was totally unaffected. Its strange that her toys don't work on him, but Van Helsing's toys do. What makes Van Helsing's weapons better than hers? Also WHAT in God's name does the Blood of Christ thing do for the seer? That bleeding trick is creepy. 

11. The Wire Switch Deception - 

During the big demonstration, Kalwoski, the chief engineer noticed the press that Harker let in messing with the panel. They chalked it up to them bending over to fixing their camera. My question is, why didn't Kalwoski wait until they left to recheck the panel they were near? I would have if I was that suspicious to take action and demand to know what they were doing.

Also when Harker found out they were going to blow up the whole place, why didn't he wait for Mina to arrive at the demonstration so he could grab her? Why rush all the way to the hospital when he already knew she would be there because she TOLD HIM earlier. He had ample amount of time to stop the whole thing from blowing and yet he wasted it rushing to a place he knew she wouldn't be at.

The future! IT MUST DIE.

12. Time Period Accuracy - 

I feel like the shows producers REALLY took liberties in this world and made an underline steam punk feel. That's fine if you establish that in the beginning, but it was seriously trying hard to disguise that fact. So now I'm left wondering throughout most of the episodes which devices actually existed during 1896 England. And I am PRETTY sure rave lights was not one of them.

13. Too Progressive? - 

As much as I loved the progressiveness of the characters, I felt it was too modern 21st century to really justify why there wasn't more racism/sexism within the story plot. I mean, Rensfield IS the only black guy in London, England it seems. And he runs free like a commoner which I am unsure how progressive England was at the time, but I figured he would look out of place and get more dirty looks than he had. Also women in this time period. Sure they did have "some" sexism, but not nearly enough. A woman like Lucy would have been married off a long time ago instead of playing around with boys [or girls, tee hee!]. Mina would have been disrespected constantly in her testosterone filled class of future doctors. Heck, Harker would have never dropped his pride so easily to accept Mina. But strangely, even though this has bugged me, it didn't really deter me from enjoying the show.

Can we at least get more vampire porn?

Final Thoughts: So if you are looking for an interesting show and are bored on a Friday, I would say give Dracula a try. All ten episodes are free on Hulu. However, don't take this too seriously, or your brain can hurt quite a bit. Even though it has its flaws, I really found myself drawn in by the characters. Or at the very least, Dracula. Johnathan Rhys Meyer is a fabulous actor and I hope he gets treatment in time to make a second season. Come on John...get it together. For the fans!

What did you think of the new NBC show, Dracula? Reply in the comments below!


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DnD Rating: 7/1O