Edge of Tomorrow: Its like Groundhogs Day with Guns and Aliens!

Today is the day, just like yesterday and the day before that. This is the conundrum Major William Cage must go through begrundgingly in this sci-fi flick about a man who inherits the ability to reset time and "go back to his last save point." Based off of the japanese short novel, "All You Need is Kill," it relates closely to the theme of the story itself while diverging off in the middle to make its own conclusions.

 The 381st attempt on Rita's life

Down and Dirty:

This movie is very entertaining all the way up to the ending where it decides to confuse the shit out of you. The graphics were decent, but a bit strange on the alien life forms. They look like an angler fish meets a flying spaghetti monster meets a spastic rave party squid. The bad part is the driving force of why the alien life landed on Earth is mentioned, but never truly addressed.

There was no skimping on the action. If you are looking for lots of fighting and death, you will get more than your share of it. The interaction between Cage and Rita are great and you can feel Cage getting closer to her as he watches her horribly die hundreds of times throughout the film. I really enjoyed how they made you go through the trials with Cage, but not force you to relive it constantly, revealing new pieces of story with each successful trial to keep your interested. Probably the best part about the film is the music, very action packed with lots of horns and brass to bring in the strong thumping movement of war.

The Story:

This is a future not so distant from our own where aliens have invaded Earth and have embedded themselves all over Europe. The United Defense Forces are about to storm the beaches of Normandy just like their great ancestors in World War 2, however what they don't know is that there is a slaughter waiting for them on the other side. The enemy knows they are coming, they have been through this day before and they have succeeded in setting up their forces to effectively destroy the dominant life form known as humans. This clever movie chronicles Major Cage and his attempts to save the human race with Rita Vrastaski, AKA "Full Metal Bitch" or  "The Angel of Verdan," who happened to share that same power Cage inherited in the past.

Characters:

That's a nice stache Sergeant Farell

MSgt Farell - Bill Paxton is hilarious as the very chipper MSgt Farell. I didn't even recognize him, he looked so different. His demeanor feels very much like an Army sergeant, minus all the yelling. The cheekiness combined with his strict, by the book attitude really brought me back to some of my old training days. Most of the time I was giggling at his very confused face when Cage was always one step ahead of him. I couldn't stop laughing at him giving Cage the "eye" like "What are you up to, son?" I also liked how he used small talk to get Cage to go where he wanted him to go.

Intent to kill, again and again and again

Rita - She is the connection between Major Cage's issue and the rest of the world. Rita has experienced what Cage is going through in the past, therefore helps explain his condition and prods him into helping her finish what she started years back in the Battle of Verdan. Rita is a seasoned, decorated warrior with mad fighting skills and nerves of steel. She has no issues with dying and is the strong driving force in convincing Cage that the only way for humanity to survive is to kill the creature that started it. Rita also helps out by making sure Cage keeps his abilities by killing him each time he is wounded.

From terrified, helpless rabbit...

Cage - Major Cage starts out as a smart, but cowardly officer that has never been in combat in his life. Forced to go onto the front lines to film the fighting on the beaches, he refuses and then is arrested, stripped of his rank and tossed in with the other scum maggots going to war. While Cage is frightened of certain death, he manages to kill an Alpha that ends up transferring the Omega's abilities to Cage so he could reset the day.

To bad ass from hell...Cage bum rushes a mimic

When Cage begins to realize what is going on, he starts training with Rita. Becoming better and more seasoned as a fighter after each death, Cage becomes increasingly bold, strong and sometimes cold to the deaths around him. He starts caring about the one person who understands his problems, Rita and is forced to watch her die hundreds of times until he can kill the Omega. In the movie, we see Cage transform from a selfish, coward to a fearless warrior dedicated to finishing the mission and save mankind.

Don't mind me, I've only been working on this for years...

Dr. Carter - This man represents the information dump / tech dude that pieces the last part of the puzzle together for Cage to finish off the Omega. He tells him about how the Omega works as well as invents a cool device that can plug into the central nervous system of the Omega to find its true location. Dr. Carter is played by Noah Taylor. For those of you who are Game of Thrones fans, he is Locke, a bannerman of Lord Bolton. He is most famous for brutally chopping off Jaime Lannister's hand. It was super weird to see him as "nice guy scientist."


What Cage Should Have Reset:

This definitely looks like a first person shooter.

1. Flying Spaghetti Monsters/Zerg/Reavers/Black Ninja Starfish - 

Whatever these things were, they were insane. They reminded me of the reavers from Gears of War, moved like ninja star fish, rave pulsed when they were communicating and sounded like zerg when they were dying. I don't blame Cage for not wanting to get close to these things, they are scary as shit.





2. Air Traffic Control Must Be Going Berserk - 

At least 5O transporters rose in the air at once, a couple coming dangerously close to the control tower. This definitely must have drove the air traffic control people up the wall. I mean I know they were all supposed to attack at once, but isn't there another way besides air drops? Remember that branch called the Navy? Just stating the options people!

3. The Hiding Spot - 

If the Omega was actually in France, why did the chart of the infestation expansion start off in the middle of Europe? Seems weird, doesn't it? Did they just pop out of a hole in the middle of Switzerland or something? Wouldn't some one realize something crash landed in Paris, France...into the Louffe? How did this information not get reported?

4. How Did They Lose Him? -

How did nobody notice Cage roll out of formation? Even if J Squad were looking at the ground while doing push ups [which is not even a correct way to do one any way] you would figure they would have saw or felt movement when Cage rolled toward the truck. Right? Also why weren't people actively looking for Cage afterward? They could have put out a Code Red or something and he would have been snapped up immediately. Did they just not care as much that people disappeared? I know, I know...if that happened, he would never get to Rita. I'm just saying. The military isn't that incompetent.

Are you sure he is not a Lannister?

5. The General is a Total Dick to Cage -

Two times he tries to arrest and murder Cage. The first time he purposely throws him out there to the wolves and LIED on his transcripts and the second time he seemed like he is going to let him go and then alerts the guards so they can apprehend him outside the building. What the hell General! You are a two face asshole.

6. Card Eating - 

This activity still eludes me. Why are we eating the playing cards again? Seems like a great way to create blockage in your digestive track and die.

7. J Squad is Horribly Unstructured and Untrained - 

Not only are they incapable of putting on the same clothes for formation, but they put on clothes that are not even proper attire for PT. Long pants and jackets seem really hot for a run. Griff goes as far as wearing a flower shirt in formation. In fact nobody is in correct formation it seems. Some are wearing hats, some are wearing regular clothes, some have facial hair and all kinds of crap. Seriously people? Did they just sign up these fresh recruits pop them in a suit and pushed them out the door to die? It doesn't even sound like they even tried to train them to fight. This rag tag team of rejects are a horribly ineffective team thanks to the unsuperior training of the United Defense Forces. Also why can the other people in J Squad talk, but as soon as Cage says something, everyone is doing pushups?


8. J Squad is a Total Dick to Cage - 

Granted Cage was a complete coward, but you are going to purposely keep the safety on and not tell him where its at? Damn dude. At least give him a lesson or two! Letting some one die just to die seems pretty cruel considering you may need every soldier to fight for the fate of the world.

9. I Have What You Had - 

I thought this line was hysterical because it sounds like he got an STD or something. Hey Rita, I have what you had...THANKS FULL METAL BITCH FOR SHARING IN THE PAIN!

1O. Right Hand / Left Hand Traffic - 

France is a right-handed traffic country, but Rita is clearly British. Why didn't she had a more difficult time driving this car that was designed for right-handed traffic? Why didn't she attempt to go on the left hand side first before realizing to stay on the right?

11. Presentation Board - 

And....he happened to have a light table with everything hidden in an old room in a manufacturing facility because.....? That was overly convenient for no reason whatsoever. Was this his private room? Does he tinker with shit in there during breaks? Does both Rita and Dr. Carter get together at times to chit chat about the design of the Omega, Alphas and what not just in case some one like Cage comes along? It just seemed like a weird place to store such important data.

^^^ This should never happen. Suit batteries are cheap.

12. Armor Protection - 

Horrific. Who builds an exosuit with so many vulnerabilities and exposure? Its like they want nobody to survive. At the same time they build these things with FINITE battery life so if you run out of battery, just consider yourself dead because you won't have any protection, nor much fire power to survive. Also why did they put the battery in the back? If you can steal a battery off of a dead troop how are they going to get it back there? Was this thing built with stupid in mind or what? And why does fatso get more protection than the rest? He looked like a tanker for a MMORPG.

13. Drop planes - 

Who thought it was a brilliant idea to drop soldiers through suspended lines? Seriously? This was the United Defense Forces grand idea to get the soldiers to the battlefield? Hundreds of drop ships full of twenty soldiers each when they should be packing at least 5O to 1OO? That seemed horribly planned for a surprise invasion. You know even the Japanese in WW2 would try to knock down planes and then collect the assholes parachuting down afterward. Why is nobody TLAMing the shit out of Europe first?

14. Old Clinton - 

There is a press coverage shot of Hilary Clinton in the beginning of the film. How old is Hilary Clinton when this happens? It seems like it could happen next year and some how we would quickly adapt and survive. Seeing a video of Clinton made me wonder, would we unite that quickly to fight a common threat? Some how I feel the answer is no.

15. Cloud's Sword of Justice - 

Anyone realize that massive cleaver Rita was holding looked super familiar? It looks like a very similar replica of Cloud's buster sword from Final Fantasy 7. Some how I don't think that was an accident, perhaps a nod to the story's Japanese roots? I wonder why MORE soldiers didn't have a cleaver of their own considering that its a very reusable and cost effective weapon. Its like the sword from Pacific Rim...why not use that shit in the beginning and not when all else fails?

16. Suit Building - 

The battle suits look like some pretty advanced shit and need consistent, top notch manufacturing to put more doomed soldiers in. But why allow people to build the suits? With all the automation going on today, you are telling me they can't program a machine to build these things through an assembly line? And who gets the battle tank version compared to the regular kind? A factory machine would build hoards of these much faster than any set of humans in existence. And they complain less too.

17. Swimming Deep Below - 

Squishy Squishy Squishy Squishy...

There is no effing way Major Cage could swim that fast toward the Omega at the bottom. The force pushing against him would tire him out quickly. Cage would drown before he reached the bottom.

18. Helmets - 

WHY IS NO ONE USING THEIR DAMN HELMETS? At least he made the cute remark it slows him down. I will give him that one. But damn dude, get some protection.

19. Hat in formation - 

I know they needed a fast distinction marker to identify Cage, but he is literally the only shit bag in formation wearing a hat besides MSgt Farell.

2O. Bionic Man Syndrome - 

This problem exists in every action movie ever. Cage survives several rib cracking, back breaking falls even though this was his last chance on Super Nintendo Hard Mode with no do overs. He also gets dragged by a plane through the concrete and water, gets tossed several yards, down a shaft, hits a piece of concrete and drops onto a car. Then STILL saves Rita chick from dying from a slab of concrete. Insane.

21. Nobody Remembers Cage - 

Remember in the beginning how there were like 3O people just chilling in the room in front of the Generals office? How did Cage and Rita walk right in? With a GUN at that? There was no metal detector in a federal building holding a high position officer? REALLY? There seemed like at least 35 armed guards just patrolling around that place out of boredom. You are saying no one recognized Cage or even stopped him from walking into the UDF Commander's office? I don't care how good he is, that's a path that is impossible to not get past without being spotted. What about his secretary? Aren't secretaries always near or next to a commanding officer's office doors? You couldn't get past them without them giving you the stink eye.

Rita and her Squad of well armored thugs

22. Rita Has Super Bitch Balls of Steel - 

Not only does she sock some dude in the face just because he was being a little shit, she owns her name "Full Metal Bitch" and hacks every murderous, invertebrate on the battlefield, refuses to play it safe like a woman and take the back seat, then demands an answer from an Officer because he disturbed her sexy yoga session. Rita...I salute you. You are my new favorite girl crush.




23. Exosuit Guy - 

And while Rita and Cage make their get away from the General's office there is a guy in an exosuit just hanging around WHY? Every guard in that building is wearing a regular uniform and this exosuit guy just happens to be walking around [or maybe trying to run away from battle?] and stops an on coming car with his suit. Its a cool shot, but this makes no sense.

24. Power Stealing Theory - 

If Cage stole their power, how did the Omega know he was coming at the end? There were quite a lot of mimics just hanging around and the Omega still has the ability to make a mistake because it never lived the day. Also if the Alpha was out for Cage's blood, why wouldn't he get it after Cage drowned? Cage kills the Alpha and the blood transfers onto him, Alpha rips Cage a new one and drowns him and.....Cage still gets to keep his abilities?

Also why would these Alphas need to exist? If this was the Omega's one weakness, why have them in the first place? What can the Alpha do that the other minions could not? They stated the mimics were the claws and the Alpha's were the nervous system. Besides killing them transfers their power, are they useful for anything else?

Last, if the power is to reset the day, why did Cage reset it 2 days prior after killing the Omega? How long has the Omega been there before the events of Cage going to Europe? Shouldn't this have reset the day the Omega came to the planet?

25. Kimmel [the fat recruit] Had a Bear on His Chest - 
Did anyone notice this? He has a teddy bear strapped to his chest. Now I wonder if Kimmel has a son/daughter and the aliens just murdered their father.

26. Old Fart - 

Is it me or is Tom Cruise REALLY looking old in this movie? It's as if time finally caught up to him and now he is forced to accept that he no longer can continue playing a young action hero. He's got super bags under his eyes and some sagging going on. No make up in the world could cover up the reality of Cruise's ungraceful aging. Not that its necessarily a bad thing. Everyone has to get old at some point. I just thought he was immortal, that's all. I wonder if Scientology can fix this problem...



So overall the movie was good. Did it have its flaws? A few. However it had a lot of really great moments and good fluidity of action. I was VERY impressed by the editing done on this film. They kept it to the point and easy to follow as Cage navigates through his nightmare of reliving the same day over and over again. The characters were interesting and the story gave a strong Groundhog's day / Starship Troopers feel to it that made it both entertaining and strong as a story.

What did you like about Edge of Tommorrow? Did you agree with the review or am I full of it? COMMENT and let the SHIT TALKING BEGIN!

Love to read some movie smack down? Subscribe to my blog today! Its as simple as following or adding your email to my super awesome email app. Become part of the fan list and GET DIRTY EMAILS!

DnD Rating: 9/1O

After Credits? Nope, just walk out.

X-Men: Days of Future Past - HORRAY, X-Men 3 Never Happened!

In one epic two hour movie, the vile fetus child of Brett Ratner's abomination, X-Men 3: The Last Stand, is finally erased from the timeline forever! Also X-Men 2...because Jean and Scott are still alive. Yay for movie time traveling! Righting all the wrongs in the fictional universe so that fans can finally wash out the bad taste in their mouths. This gem of a movie brought back its all star cast, every single one of them, both new and old to make an outstanding change in the timeline. I think we are back on track, ladies and gentlemen!

When time slows, the fun begins

Down and Dirty:

What can I say? This movie was well done. It was complicated, but not convoluted. Between past and present, it was easy to follow each piece of the timeline and their effects on each other.

The rules were generally clean cut in the explanation of consciousness time traveling. As for the special effects, they were barely passable and weren't realistic enough to be believable at times. Overall a pretty entertaining movie with a good mix of drama and humor. It doesn't take itself too seriously, but lovely references all the other movies in the cineverse at the same time.



Story: 

Probably the best part about the movie. The story was very strong, easy to follow and fun to watch.
Even though Bishop was replaced as the one to go back in time, Bryan Singer knew we barely know Bishop nor his struggles. However Wolverine is very familiar and we all love that guy. So off he goes into the time space continuum to warn the others of impending doom. Sentinels that can adapt to ever mutant power and destroy them all.

Beast. Wolverine. Make it so.

Logan is definitely our star as he becomes the main protagonist that goes back in time to save the world. And the funny part is he has to be patient with a very stubborn, emotional, slackjaw younger version of Professor X that is pissed at the world. But I think the most interesting part of all was how much mixing of real history they pushed into the story. The unfortunate part is they didn't choose to do anything obscure [because we all know how well the American public actually knows their history], but still delightfully done none the less.

CGI:

The effects were rather corny. I don't know who they hire to do the graphics for these movies, but Fox must keep selecting the lowest price package possible because the effects are cheaply done. The worst example were the pieces of rail road that was pulled off and shredded into smaller pieces to embed into the robots. That was just awful. They didn't even try to make it realistic. The sentinels also looked like they copied the models straight off of the Protoss race from Star Craft. At least the blackbird doesn't look too bad and Blink's portal effects are pretty cool too. I really wish they colored one blue and the other orange. That would have been such an awesome nod to the game, Portal.

New Characters:

We really didn't get to know some of the new characters, but here is what I understand:

Blink - I love her abilities, the portal capability is very useful for the other characters to play off of in a fight. I like her look, its got an almost cyberpunk like look. However we barely got to understand her personality. So I don't know much about her.

Bishop - Seemed like a pretty cool dude and his energy absorption to fire up his weapon and capabilities is nice. Bishop is the first to go through Kitty's mind time effects so he can warn the mutants in the past against the Sentinel strike. Bishop seems like a leader.

Sunspot - All I know is he sets himself on fire and....yeah. How does he keep his hair?

Warpath - I still don't get him. By the way...this dude's real name is Booboo and he was in Twilight. Nough said.








 

Quicksilver - FINALLY we get to know a character a bit more than watching them die two different times. Quicksilver is by far, the most fun to follow. I love the slow motion scene where he is moving through the room playing jokes on his attackers while saving his group from certain doom. Quicksilver is presented as a smart ass and trouble maker that seems to feel he is above the law. Of course with his abilities, I can't blame him. You can't arrest what you can't catch. Quicksilver has a great personality and seems eager to please and learn when guided in the right direction. I would definitely like to see more of him in the future.






The Future is NOW: [A collection of thoughts]

The Fastest Boy Alive - 

How old does Magneto have to be in this movie to have a 16 year old brat named Quicksilver? Supposedly Magneto was born in the 193Os...so I guess by the time 1973 rolls around he is what...3O to 4O something years old? Holy moly. He looks in the movie as if he could have been in his early 3Os. Something is off here.

Detection Error - 

Four perfectly good mutants were right in front of these behemoths and who do they detect? Magneto holding up the thunder dome in the sky. So Bolivar...you say they never make a mistake? There is pretty strong confidence in that assumption. You are just as good as Justin Hammer with his drones. Did Ivan Vanko work on your bots too?

How does this thing seriously detect X-genes?

Baby Monitors - 

So the robots have these devices in them that detect the mutant X gene and they REALLY look like baby monitors. I was waiting for a baby's cry to emit from the speaker side of the detector. SENTINELS, there to protect your babies...from evil mutants and soothe them with bottles.

Ice Ice Baby - 

Was it REALLY necessary for bobby to turn his body into ice? It looks cool, I'll give him that, but unless you are a glacier, ice shatters pretty easily. I wouldn't have bothered to do that knowing these Sentinels are pretty ruthless.

Magneto Just Turns Them On - 

So now Magneto can turn on and control these robots? I thought the metal splitting was merely to control the bots physically and not through command and control. Yeah...this was a little far fetch'd for my taste.

Casual Cops to the Rescue - 

I know good ol Pietro, AKA Quicksilver was a trouble maker, but did his mom seriously think Logan and the gang were cops? Did cops just wore whatever they wanted in the 7Os?

I feel like she is really trying to become the last airbender

Blink is also Psychic - 

I know Blink needs to anticipate wherever she is portaling, but how did she know Kitty and Bishop were in trouble on the opposite side of the building so she can portal in to save the day? And how can she just portal without being in the area?

Amazon Delivery Drop - 

I know this was the final arc of the storyline, but why did Trask felt he needed to send a shit ton of sentinels to kill Magneto, Xavier and the last of the mutant stand? It seemed from the first fight just 3 sentinels could take them all down with ease. Even when the carriers exploded, they still had 2O more climbing the walls.

Enslavement - 

I know mutants are the spooky scary us against them scenario, but how does anyone believe enslavement is OK for even mutant children? Oh right...Japanese internment camps. Never mind.

Do me a favor, Pod. Be a good lad and fetch me some wine.

Trask Gives Almost No Viable Explanation of His Hatred for Mutants - 

If Trask didn't hate mutants that much, why was he so bent on eliminating them all? It seemed he had a successful business already set up. Was mutant terror, a problem that never seemed to be a big deal before, something he just needed to eliminate? Was he bored? And why can't I help, but keep thinking he is Tyrion and I need to feel sorry for him? Trask didn't seem like such a bad dude or much of a villain compared to his counterpart, Major Striker.

Drugs Are Awesome! - 

Xavier sure loves his drugs...until its convinient to the plot. Gosh. Who knew a pep talk was the solution to cure drug addiction? Damn. Why doesn't EVERYONE just do that? And man, Beast is an enabler. Grow a spine, Beast.

So Original -

Nothing says 197O like a lava lamp. Gosh, you couldn't think of anything more nostalgic? It is literally the first thing that comes into view when Logan wakes up. Its like we can't get away from these things being in every scene of every movie made about the 7Os. Its like....that is the only thing everyone remembers because they were all high as a kite.

"The Crow" Wannabe Has Some Constipation Issues

Warpath is Useless - 

Hi I'm an Indian and I can sense shit from far away. That is my only power, but after being a glorified scout, I'm pretty useless as a fighter. But check out my MENACING MEAN FACE! GRRR! Are you intimidated now?

Warpath: "Oh! Oh! Hey guys I see something!"

Sentinels: ROAR. DEATH AND TAXES!

*Everyone gets killed*

Warpath: "Hey...guys? Guys? Am I the only one alive? Oh shit."





 Hank's Doohickey - 

I'm pretty sure if the guards saw his device, they probably wouldn't let him keep it on the tour. What was his explanation? Oh sorry officer, this is just the remote control for my TV set. I sure love Howdy Doody.

No Forks For You - 

Seriously... where are the utensils? Not even a spork? How was Magneto supposed to eat his food? And why were they keeping him below one of the most important military/political structures in DC? You figured he would be far far away from anyone important in a special prison some where on an island where he could never escape.

Kirk just discovered Priceline.com went out of business

Star Trek References Current Situation - 

Not only was this scene emphasizing how geeky Beast was, the movie also takes the time to play a Star Trek episode that TOTALLY references the current issue. This episode came from the original Star Trek series and its called "The Naked Time."


Major Striker is the Worst Body Guard Ever - 

This guy is supposed to protect Trask and instead he just keeps screwing up. He can't even save his troops in Vietnam from an unarmed woman. When they caught Raven in the meeting room, why didnt he shoot through the table? I know hes an officer and they dont like to get their hands dirty but seriously....why does he suck so bad? Was that the first time he ever held a gun? Geez. No wonder they put you in special programs. They probably didn't want you to get them killed on the battlefield.

Kitty Scratch - 

You just got scratched...omg...what are you taking? blood thinners? How can you leak that much blood to the point that you are losing too much of it? Why couldnt they tear a piece off of magnetos cloak to stop her from bleeding? Its not like hes going to use it anyway.

You Make Me Sick - 

Haha...Silly Mutant, your power makes everyone puke. LOL. Lame.

^ Not Scarlett Witch. Peter's mom is cheating on Magneto

Quicksilver's Sister -

And where is Scarlett Witch?? His twin sister never shows up or even gets referenced in the movie, so I assume they were separated at birth for whatever reason. Man, Peter's mom is a dick to her own daughter AND she keeps the next one to add salt to the wound. This woman clearly couldn't handle two abnormal children wrecking her life. Time to pop a bastard with a NORMAL man.

Porcupine Kid - 

How did this kid get through MEPS without being eliminated from the facility? Oh son...you look like you got into a fight with a thorn bush. You got your balls? Good. Good enough to fight in nam. NEXT!!!

Kitty Power Change - 

Now Kitty has the power to do mind melding, past/present shit. So how did this second genetic mutation happen again? And what would they do if she couldn't do that? I mean...we wouldn't haven this movie, that's for sure.

This is her "I'm going to put a foot up your ass" look

Ravens Clothes - 

So Raven can morph herself and her clothes....but she couldn't do that with the mink coat she was wearing? Why is she allowed to morph her clothes too? So does that mean she is always technically naked if her clothes are part of her skin transformation?

Logan Lights One Up - 

In the shitiest of times you can always count on Logan to light up a cigar casually right before all hell breaks loose.

Double Nixon - 

When Raven turned into Nixon, I swear some one was going to mess it up by saying....HEY...you aren't the President! I am really shocked that 3O different people kept their mouths shut like a pro.

Blink is Asian? -

Blink is now Asian folks....she no longer looks link P!nk, she looks more like an anime character. I guess they needed a token Asian in this one or my peoples were going to through a fit.

Raven's Foot Choke - 

She choked out that dude with her foot! Daaammmn. That's hot.


So overall this was a great movie and really brings back the spirit of what the X-men are all about. Bryan Singer is just amazing at making these movies. FOX, please make him do all of them! If you love stories about time traveling, mutants, and post-apocalyptic doom, then you will be in love with this movie. The script is on target, clings onto you and never lets you go all the way til the end. Of course we all knew it would end well, but it definitely left an impression. Enjoy!

What did you think of the new X-Men movie? Loved it or hated it? Tell us why in the comments below!

You want more of this? Sign up for the email list today and catch this in your inbox!

DnD Rating: 9.5/1O

After Credits Teaser?: YES! After the credits are complete, you will get to see a glimpse of the upcoming storyline: Age of Apocalypse. Why do I tell you this? Because I'm a 1OO% sure that if you aren't a big comic fan you would have no clue what that ending meant [I didn't]. For those of you who want to read more into it here is a great link explaining the after credit scene: ‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’ End Credits Scene Explained

Godzilla: Perpetuating the Reality that FEMA Still Sucks at Disaster Relief

All Hail the KING! Godzilla roars into theaters and I was so ready for a monster/disaster film to make up for that awful 1998 version of "GINO" [Godzilla In Name Only]. This movie goes back to the core of what Godzilla was about. He isn't just some monster wrecking the city, he's a monster that battles other monsters who wreck the city while also wrecking the city. And he's also the people's monster, fighting for the good of the land while being mistaken as a non-cuddly version of Barney. Godzilla has shown that he is an alpha predator, a shark in the water, and a MUTO stomping, shit kicking hero of the lands.

The Angels of Death Have Arrived

Down and Dirty [just how you like it]:

So what can I say about this movie? It was pretty awesome. One of the best films I had seen in a while. This is one of the rare moments where expectations meet fulfillment and I love me some carnage porn. There is so much carnage porn I was wondering when the Jaegars/Gundams/Mechas/Giant Robots were going to come out to play.

The story was great, we got to see a lot of Godzilla battling the forces of evil, everything gets destroyed and we even get to see some G rated MUTO mating. Aww they nuzzled when they met, that's so cute! The only thing I have to say about this movie are the characters. Compared to the awesomeness of Godzilla, everyone was practically a co-star and boring ones at that. The best character was honestly crazy ass Bryan Cranston, giving one of the best performances of this movie, and he dies way too quick for us to get to know his character better. His son, Ford, however, is incredibly emotionless, boring, serious and not up to snuff [sorry Aaron Taylor Johnson...this just wasn't your movie]. If you are looking for a good disaster flick this season, Godzilla will delight!

Story:

The story is pretty intense. It starts with a disaster and ends with a happy ending...after four cities have been demolished. The story is about a man who lost his wife to a tragic accident at the power plant they both work at due to an earthquake. Years later the husband continues his madness by trying to discover the truth of the cause of his wife's death. His son, Ford is now in the United States Navy as an Explosive Ordnance Disposal Officer and has a stable life with his wife and son back in San Francisco.

Ford goes back to Japan when he gets a call that his father was arrested for trespassing. So he heads back to bail him out and tries to convince him to come back with him to the US. However his father, convinced that the Japanese are covering up the power plant accident, convinces Ford to head back to Janjira to get the data from their home and finally put this to rest. Until....they get arrested and taken to the plant where a giant egg is being fed radiation in secret by Project M.U.T.O and two purposes converge. Then shit goes to hell and then the monster hunt begins!

Characters:

We are onto you Bryan. We know you act like Hal backstage.

The characters could have been a bit more interesting. I am generally conflicted though. The movie is really about Godzilla, so you don't want to take the spotlight away from him. But Lt Brody could have been way more interesting than how he was portrayed. Everyone seemed like supporting actors and their development was bland if not totally lifeless, and unmemorable.

Aaron Taylor Johnson really seemed out of place in a military uniform, except the fact that he buffed up for the role. Bryan Cranston was the best thing about this movie, but we strangely didn't get enough of him even though he is plastered on every trailer out there.

CGI:

Super carnage porn and awesome monster disaster footage is sprawled all over this film. It takes a while to get to the moment Godzilla submerges from the sea, but its well worth it. There is destruction in Japan, Las Vegas, Honolulu and San Francisco. Golden Gate Bridge? Yeah. What bridge? Monsters be breaking through like its chicken wire. The CGI is definitely great in this film. The only thing I would have to comment is the MUTO's feet. They were...weird at best. But Godzilla was pretty damn impressive with those phat dino hips!

This reminds me of a a turtle with mountains on its shell

Godzilla:

Freaken gnarly! Best design ever. He looks just like the original, but way better. And the best part is he had the most awesome Mortal Kombat finishing move. Shit fire in your opponents mouth and rip their head off as a trophy! The whole room clapped when he started using his infamous atomic flame attack.

I also love it that they got Ken Watanabe to star in this movie just to say "Godzilla" with a Japanese accent. He totally speaks perfect English until he accents the shit out of the name "Godzilla" or should I say Gojira? Love it. Nobody else dared use that name, but him. It was HIS word.

Noted Cool Shit: 

Did anyone noticed the word "Mothra" on the fish tank? Yeah that was pretty cool. Too bad that MUTO wasn't Mothra. Sad face.

One of the best shots in the film

Toho, the original production company who created the Godzilla films, had a hand in producing this movie. They even provided the sound clip of the original Godzilla roar which was improved on for the film.

For Godzilla's fighting style, the special effects department studied the fighting style of bears and komodo dragons.

Godzilla which derived from the pronunciation of "Gojira" or "Gozira" is actually a hybrid word that is in-between the Japanese words for gorilla and whale.


Deep Water Thoughts:

This is less a list of complaints, but more commentary as I thought the movie was great...but all movies have a few flaws....shall we count the ways?

They are looking in the one area that's Asian. Racists.

1. The Military Sure Knows How to Make Things Worse:

I love the compentency level of the military in these movies. It always seems to be around saving lives, but they always manage to make screw things up. Does anyone ever have an op plan for shit like this? I think the force uses any excuse to go nuclear whenever possible. When monsters strike the city, you can always count on the military to:


Option A. Shoot at it...even though it doesn't work, hasn't worked, and continues not to work.

Option B. Hit it with bombs even though its more like a bird taking a crap on your head. Its unpleasant and annoying, but doesn't effect things large enough to throw seismic temper tantrums.

Option C. Nuke that bitch and get it over with [even though radiation is their food source and that's like dumping ice cream into their lap].

Or Even better...the AF has a plan:

Air Force Reassures Public it can Defeat Godzilla

2. Heisenberg's Wife is like a Teleporter:

I distinctly remember his wife had only started walking down the tunnel when they started noticing something wrong. You would think the first sign of a major shake, everyone would be bolting back instead of waiting for shit to break. However when they discovered a leak and her group had to run, they ran for a good ten-fifteen minutes down that hall and still didn't make it. That's like an Air Force PT test right there. There is no way she could have gone in a mile and a half already in that short of a time. Also...what is the point of having suits if they aren't going to protect you from a major leakage? And dude...she died on your birthday? Man...God is a dick to Heisenberg.

Her entire purpose was to say happy birthday and die...

3. Reused Looping Footage:

Also....with the gas leak running scene, they totally reused that footage over and over and over again. I thought something was up when that same hallway like gas flurry looked oh so similar every time. And strangely as that smoke was chasing them, they were able to keep up even when they fell? Nope. That should have caught up with them as soon as they fell and tried to get off the ground.

4. Some Dude With Goggles Got In the Movie:

Yeah some guy with googles just took up the whole screen in the beginning. Who does he think he is? Famous? pfft.

5. Missing Scenes:

There were scenes in the trailer that were cut out of the movie. The part where Godzilla is roaring as the doors close [the doors do close on Godzilla, but he is fighting with his opponent] and the part where Lt Brody asks, "Can we kill it?"Also they clipped part of the speech Bryan Cranston did in the trailer too. They extracted a line out of it in the final cut. How did I even notice this? I've only seen the trailer like 15 times and each variation of Godzilla's trailers almost has the same scenes in it.

6. Gas Masks...Who Needs Them?:

I am amazed at how many people just pop off their gas masks in this movie like its no big deal. I mean you aren't wearing thick, scratchy, hot MOPP gear just for shits and giggles. You are wearing it because radiation poisoning is a bad mofo. This is the 3OO helmet situation all over again. I know we all want to see the actor's pretty faces, but geezus people, does anyone read the safety manual? Ever?

This love machine looks like Aliens had sex with Goro

7. Pokemon! Gotta catch Em All!:

I swear to God the MUTOs look like Pokemon. I was waiting for Ash Ketchum to pop up from
around the corner with Pikachu to do battle and try to capture those impressive creatures with a legendary super ball. Then after their victory, they will high five each other and Ash will be like "All right Pikachu! We did it!" and Pikachu will scream in excitement, "Pika pi!" and wait...I'm totally getting carried away with this comment point.

8. Broken Promises:

They never addressed the broken promise Lt Brody gave to his son that he would be there the next day. In fact...he broke a LOT of promises in this movie. I'm fairly sure his child is going to grow up to be a drug addict. Yup. Drug addict.

9. Instant Uniform:

So Lt Brody gets rifted with the Army and needs a uniform because...nobody will take him seriously without one? And what do you know, they have a spare for the Navy guy! WOWS. Thanks Army Dudes. We are like hundreds of miles from the closest base, but you are total bros. Also I expected the Army guys to call Lt Brody a seaman as much as possible. Damn...opportunity missed!

1O. NAAAAPPP TIME!

And after the King of Beasts had a thrilling romp through the city and bitch slapeth his winged, spider foes to the next stone age. Our King taketh a nap near the pier and a well deserved rest for saving half of the city so all the gays can rejoice and keep on rockin their Andrew Christian underwear. The End.

It is a miracle they had his size...

11. The Man that Wouldn't Die

So Lt Brody goes through some pretty screwed up events in the time line of the movie. He jumps from a very high set of train tracks into a river. He miraculously does not break his legs or back in the process. He got swept away with a entangled mess of steel and wood and was the lone survivor. And then he served up some scrambled MUTO eggs and got twerk blasted a good 1OO feet forward. And some how he still gets to keep everything. Damn dude. Bionic man, much?

12. Heisenberg is SO not in this movie!

The trailers REALLY focus on Bryan Cranston a lot like he is in this movie. The guy dies like 3O minutes into it and the rest of the story is carried on by his bore of a son. ZZZZzzzz Ford. Who names their kids after cars? pfft.

13. Where Did That Picture Come From?

When Lt Brody was onboard the aircraft before his jump he pulls out a picture of his wife and kid. First off...who keeps physical pictures anymore and how in the world did he manage to get it? And even if he had it the entire time..how did that photo survive after all the shit he went through?

14. Excuse me, Pardon me, Sorry! Coming through:

Damn military. Why the hell are you in Godzilla's way? He was trying to be polite and dive deeper to avoid capsizing your stupid ships, but all of your bo-ats were totally cock blocking him from passing. MOVE. Its your fault your ships flipped. You think your dumb ships are going to stop him from moving you out of the way like a toy in a child's bathtub? Also for a monster...he was very polite. After he finished his nap, he gently got up, walked back into the water and left. What a GGG, Godzilla was.

And the Best Christmas Lights of 2O14 go to...

15. MUTO Chandelier Eggs:

That was a pretty display MUTO female produced, but how could one make the missile look like that without sticking it up her hooha and shitting eggs on it? Also...we totally didn't get a chance to see prehistoric softcore monster porn with some love tracks from the master, Barry White. MISSED OPPORTUNITIES!

16. Finally! We Found the Sub!:

I'm so happy for them that they found that random Russian nuclear submarine, but seriously...how long has that shit been hanging there? Does nobody hike in Hawaii? And how did this sub get there again? Did MUTO do some spearfishing off the coast of the Kamchatka Peninsula and pick up a sub sandwich on his way into town?

17. Man's Best Friend's Contract Ends Today:

The dog that ran from the tidal wave, would have been gone FAR before the humans would have ever noticed something was up. Like I told my friend, if you see animals all running in ONE direction, FOLLOW THEM! Drop whatever donut you are eating and run you fools!

18. This Guy Can't Catch a Break:

Everywhere Lt Brody goes...those things follow him. Japan, Hawaii and then California? Shit dude. If I were Lt Brody I would quit my job and live as a hermit as far inland as I could get to keep away from those things.

19. I am Running On the Railroad, All the Live Long Day:

Just walking on those tracks with wide spacing was hard enough for the Army....then they had to run? Oh no. That isn't possible in a panic. I was expecting some one to fall through, but nope, MUTO-SAN ate them instead.

This disaster looks super familiar....

2O. And They Stopped Everyone on the Bridge...WHY?:

Everyone is trying to escape from the city with busloads of people and the police are blocking the bridge. WTF San Francisco Police. This is not a time to be cordoning shit off, assholes. In a few seconds there isn't going to BE a Golden Gate Bridge!

21. Everyone in This Movie is Deaf:

There were multiple times character's in this film were surprised to see something behind him. Such as the Japanese Police at the old Brody home..and the monsters SNEAKING up on them. I mean...these things just breath and shit explodes. How can they not hear or feel these things walking around?

Oh yeah..Godzilla's Kaiju bros broke this shit a year ago

22. Goth Asian:

HA. Goth Asian. Sorry. I had to add that one.

23. Annnnnnddd...we lost him:

The Navy had to have known Godzilla was just messing with them and letting them escort him around for fun before he took off.

Godzilla: Oh hey fellas. Nice Bo-ats you got there. OH. Sorry. Spotted my prey. TTYL BYES!

Deep submerge...TAKES OFF LIKE A SHARK.

Yeah Navy...you funny.

The markings are to assure you don't confuse it with RAID

25. I Quit:

Once you start seeing F-35s and F-15s fall out of the sky...that's when you start considering putting in your separation paperwork. Yeah...screw that. When they said, "All threats, foreign and domestic," I didn't think they meant katamari sized monsters shitting on the city. That looks like a big cup of NOPE to me.


So overall, I give this movie a big double thumbs up. It was everything I would expect out of a monster movie and they didn't skimp on the destructive force of the battle scenes. Which is what we all came to see, isn't it? Godzilla 2O14 had a strong Pacific Rim/Jurassic Park feel at times, but still kept to its own design. Going back to the heart of what made Godzilla defining and memorable. He wasn't just another stupid monster, he was a monster that people could empathize with. So if you want to have a rampaging good time, I highly recommend Godzilla!


What did you think of the new Godzilla movie?

If you enjoy my blog; subscribe, share, dance naked in the sun! Or comment below!

DnD Rating: OH NO, 9/1O MEANS YOU GOT TO GO GO SEE GODZILLA!

After Credits?: Nope. Don't bother waiting.

The Amazing Spider Man 2: Roll Credits! Oh wait...you are not done yet?

Spider-man, Spider-man, does whatever a spider can. Spins a web, any size. Catches thieves- just like flies. Look out! Here comes the Spider-man. And came he did, with a long running time of 2 hours and 22 minutes, this film is so bloated with fluff and poorly used story mechanisms, even the author of Fifty Shades of Grey would not approve. I can only conclude it was minced to death by Sony execs to the point that it barely represented the story it was and hobbled into theaters as the story it is.

Down and Dirty [Just how you like it]:

*Sigh* What a buzz kill this movie was. All of the best moments were literally in the trailer, so if all of you want to know the essence of the movie, just watch the trailer and you will be good to go. The rest was not that important in the grand scheme of things. This had the most unnecessary convoluted plot possible with not one, not two, but three bad guys that appeared, but two out of the three barely got any running time. We don't even get a team up of bad guys, they choose to separate their battles for no reason at all. Sony just doesn't know how to make a Spider-man movie and could really take a lesson or two from Disney who seem to get better and better with the Marvel films they put out. To wrap this up, I would say it was only an "OK" movie and not something I would not be jumping out of my chair to recommend people to go see. If it was 4O minutes shorter, it would have been a decent film. Not a great film, but a decent one. And Sony really needs to stop stuffing bad guys into these films like a fat kid stuffing cake in his mouth.

Humor:

Spidey hitches a ride with front row seats

I would like to start off the review on a some what positive note. The humor in this film was great and I really enjoyed the cheekiness of the new Spider-man. He's fun to watch. Andrew Garfield does an amazing job as Peter Parker and even though I was surprised at his pick, I have to agree that he is a much better Spider-man than Tobey Maguire. The humor was probably the best thing in this film. Especially the moments where you hear the spider-man theme ring tones. Unfortunately that is where the film stops in light of the fun.

Story:

The story was so convoluted, I wondered how the post-production team didn't pull all of their hair out before the film was completed. You had a back and forth love drama going, Peter's problem with Harry dieing, Electro's messy nonsense, dealing with Aunt May's problems, and then the whole issue with wanting to know the truth about his father. It was just too many things to follow and the order that we followed it in didn't build an arc, but more of a small town roller coaster that gave you the biggest thrill right in the middle and then lots of little lumpy thrills at the end.

The whole film was clearly 4O minutes too long. The longest wrap up in history. Trust me...I looked at my phone around the time I thought the film should have ended and we still were barely at two hours. I don't mind long films, but there was a lot of post battle shit that went on and on and on. The summary of the story was Peter gives up on life for a good year [it was 5 months but the went through all four seasons...so I thought it was a year] after Gwen's death and then eventually returns to defeat Rhino...which only had a good ten minutes of film time. I wish they kept this film light and lean. The fact that they made it dramatically dark after she dies might have been a bit too much, but considering she was running away to England, I guess she had to be killed, right? Spider-man can't leave New York. That's where all the monsters and baddies converge to destroy shit.

Music:

This is one of the few times I will have to say the music was...weird. They tried to make the battle at the power station mix with the music and all it did was create confusion. I was getting confused if Electro was actually saying the words or that was the singer singing the lyrics in the background music. Don't do that shit, Sony! Also...I felt the music where Peter and Gwen met up was very "take my breath away" cheesy like.

One of the coolest slo-mo shots in the movie

Graphics:

Nobody steals Slo-mo from 3OO. NOBODY! They slo-moed the shit out of every battle in that movie to the point that I was like "here we go again" [cue eye roll]. Despite this, the electricity shots are pretty awesome and fun to watch. I really liked the color blends they chose and the way they reconstructed Electro each time he had to reform. The graphics were decent in the film, but the aftermath of said graphics sometimes didn't match up. Such as the whole battle sequence between Spider-man and Electro at the power station. They must have knocked out like fifteen towers and for some reason all of them were still up with minimal damage when they finished.


My Spidey Senses Has Counted the Sins!:

1. NYPD's 15 Vehicle Car Chase:

I guess it was a slow day for the NYPD. No need to chase gang bangers or deal with giving out traffic tickets for threatening violent sodomy on the guy who cut you off. Nope, they had all the time in the world to chase a guy who stole a truck. Instead of splitting up and cutting this crazy Russian carjacker off at the intersections, they all proceeded to chase him from behind like this is drag racing or Boston marathoning.  This is a great way to reaffirm to our youth that the police are incompetent and never trust them to ever get your car back. Just wait for your favorite super hero to come save you instead.

2. The Viles that Nobody Cared About:

So what were the viles for in the beginning chase scene? Plutonium? Also if the viles were that important, why did crazy guy not care if they were bouncing around while he drove around the city? Also...who the hell puts plutonium in small, possibly breakable viles? Shouldn't this truck be fully loaded with dudes with weapons if it was that important? Whoever was Chief of Security of Trucks should be fired. They should hire Happy in their place. Happy is a person who gets things done. Just like Joe Pesci.

Thats definitely a jheri curl fighting with a spider on his head

3. Pocket Protector Pens are Pocket Protected:

Nothing says nerd like a few pens in a shirt pocket right? Well how about 7 pens stuffed in a shirt pocket? This dude had pens stuffed in there like he was stealing them in bulk from Office Max. There was absolutely no reason he needed his entire pen portfolio hanging off his chest.

4. Nerd Alert:

I really dislike the nerd look people portray so much. Thick rimmed glasses, buck teeth, pens in the pocket, and whats up with that rad comb over? Do black men even do that in their old age? I thought that was exclusively a white man's crippling desire to keep the last strands of youth on top of their head.
 
5. Ill Walk Myself Out:

FAIL. This is bad guy 1O1 man. You never let your enemy go like that! Harry should have been escorted all the way down the stairs and into a cop car. That is the only way you win, evil board of directors dude. You win by making sure that little shit punk doesn't wander around his own building free after he supposedly betrayed the organization. Isn't there a handbook for this shit? Why is evil so dumb?

Let there be LIGHT! And Bad Assery.

6. Electrocuted on Electric Avenue:

How is Peter's organs not fried with a side of apple butter from getting electrocuted so much? He got his face electrocuted and his body electrocuted and his hands electrocuted. They make it look like he just got some mad static shock, because he recovered way too quick for his own good.

Come on Sony...he should have been constantly in pain. Getting electrocuted hurts like hell. Also he should have NEVER been able to escape Electro's attacks. Electricity runs extremely fast. The only person who should have been able to compete with Electro in speed is Quicksilver.

7. Harry is Scary:

Could we not have an uglier looking villain? They really over played the goblin look on Harry to the point that he was outrageously hideous and cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West. He even snatched Dorothy...I mean Gwen up for kicks. I didn't really imagine the effects of the venom would have been that dramatic that they changed his facial expression and his douchey hipster haircut for a punky/aphex twin's "come to daddy" look.

8. His Past:

So Peter gets dumped and he becomes all emo and sulky. Finally he gets the idea to start going through his father's stuff, because hey we have something to relate to now, right? Also why are there 35 pictures of Gwen on his wall? Is this guy really that obsessed with her? Damn. A bit stalkerish this one is.

Who the hell is this guy?

9. Goblin Suit:

So Harry gets down to the super secret place and gets injected with the super spider venom. After his victorious grin emerges, Harry realizes he made a mistake and falls from the painful venom while the evil director schmuck that unwillingly helped him bails, hits the emergency button and leaves him there to die. You would figure everything would seal off but instead the doors open to the magical goblin suit with open arms. And some how in the midst of all the madness and struggle crawling, Harry is now magically standing in the suit in the next shot when he clearly was barely able to get off the ground. Can we say, fire the video editor? Also, how did he know the suit would help him from dying?

1O. 5 second Goblin Chase:

We barely got much of the Green Goblin and only after Electro died off. Why put the big battle before the smaller one? Why sony? why? They needed to team up!

11. Apparently Harry has Spidey Senses too:

How did Harry figure out Gwen was Peter's ex-girlfriend? Peter never mentions her name, hes never seen her before, and he never saw her talking with him before she ran into him in the elevator. How does he know this is the one out of hundreds of employees that roam the building?

I just noticed they digitally removed the bulge from his suit

12. Peters Voice:

This really kills me. How does Harry not possibly know Spider-man is Peter Parker? The voice gives it away. I can't imagine Harry would think Spider-man would be any other person since Peter some how made their meeting happen. I know Peter seems weak and unsuspecting, but I am sure the thought had to have popped into his head at some point.



13. Electric Eels Plus High Voltage = Electro?:

PLEASE tell me how this is possible. Those eels were eating him alive in that tank. So you are telling me the shock of the electricity in the water plus modified super eels just makes him an electrical entity with pants? I'm the Queen of Believing in pseudo-science, but this is just considerably far fetched from other transformations. He is the equivalent of if you peeled back the skin off of a smurf with super powers.

Also how did 9 people not notice Electro pulling off the grate right in front of them and grabbing the electrical wires underneath? I mean he's a black dude [well more blue...but you get what I mean]. White pedestrians should automatically assume because he is wearing a hoodie he is out to take their babies and steal their investment portfolios. Also cops smell a black dude doing wrong from hundreds of miles away. They are like flies on shit. Even when the black dude is just THINKING of doing something wrong a cop car rolls up. Are you saying racism doesn't exist in the Spider-man universe? ESPECIALLY in a place like New York?

I wonder if you plug him in if his head lights up...

14. Apparently the Suit and Spanx Come with the Electricity:

I know Sony is trying not to be crass, but HAHA he's got nut huggers! The dude should be flat out naked every time he zips through a wall socket. However he some how comes with his own set of clothes. That's as incredible as the Hulk's pants surviving every time he transforms into the green fists of rage. Or Captain America's pants being the perfect length after growing a foot and gained steroid size muscles.

15. Super Secret Train Lab?:

The video clearly was filmed from his home, but some how it was on his computer at the lab. Why? We've seen him make the confession, but how did he find time to pass it to the computer before he got on the plane and died? This was in an isolated train station after all. And if Peter never broke the calculator, he would have never known the truth. How would Richard Parker know Peter would figure out where the train was? Wasn't this a risky scheme to begin with? In a normal universe Peter would have trashed Dad's old stuff and never figured out what happened. This is poor planning on his father's part.

After a date on the bridge, Peter takes her to the SAW party

16. The Most Unromantic Spot Ever:

Does Peter ever think for a second that Gwen may not want to be a place where she might be thinking of dying? Like the very top of a bridge that I am sure moves a bit from the wind, the earth's rotation, maybe the sand shifting or birds shitting? I know this was supposed to be a masterful scene of love finally coming together so you can all crush us later, but I don't think many women would love to be placed in a position where if the wind farts we can fall to our doom. A park would have done just fine.

17. Stolen Police Car:

So Gwen steals a police car....why is half of NYPD not chasing her for this?! Oh you chase a criminal for plutonium vials, but one police car gets stolen like GTA and nobody cares suddenly? Christ.

18. Im late, but they loved me!: 

Gwen is the only person in the universe that was late for an interview and still got the position. What kind of people just let some one be late for a interview, have a whole conversation in the hallway and still give them the opportunity? More hungrier, on time people want this more, Gwen. I think you lied so Peter can want you back! If this was Glenn Gary Glenn Ross this would have never gone down like that. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about...BEHOLD..one of the best speeches in movie history to kick you out of loserville: [fast forward to 1 min in]

19. Power Station Recovery:

So how did the entire city get all of its electricity back again? You can't tell me Spider-man packaged everything in a nice neat bow and saved the day. I call shenanigans on that one. There were like 15 electrical transformers that got knocked out during their battle. I say that place should have been holy shit destroyed. Also why was the power button under a padlock and the dead guy had the key in his hand? What was he planning to do before his death? He would have never known Electro was coming even if he could turn it off. Also why is the fate of the entire city's electricity dependent on one dude with a padlock key? Doesn't that seem extremely irresponsible of Oscorp?

2O. Why is New York Dependent on One Power Station?:

I know they briefly mentioned that Oscorp was the soul supplier of the city's electricity, but who the hell would put the city's entire electrical grid in one place? Why was there not several stations that existed and backup points for emergency services? Am I the only one who thinks about this stuff? Also its New York...you would figure they would be prepared for any kind of terrorism. You know?

21. Gwen's Death:

I was going to be so pissed if she was still alive after seeing her crack her head hard on the concrete. I'm glad she died. Not because I'm glad she died, but I'm glad they didn't pull a fast one on us and made her alive some how. Also...Gwen is a stupid cow. Peter told her this shit was dangerous...and she didn't care because she's being a stubborn girlfriend. Oh Gwen. Now you done it. Left the series open for another Mary Jane to swoop in and coddle the heart of our hero....and get in all sorts of trouble. I guess Emma Stone wanted out of her contract? I would too if I made this movie.

Thanks to modern CGI, he looks nothing like this

22. Rhino...is Not Really in the Movie:

The last five seconds we finally get to see Rhino and the movie ends. Rhino was never meant to have a mechanical suit from I understand, so it was very awkward to see him in one.

Also, why would OSCORP spring him out to wreck the city? Are they trying to find the whereabouts of Peter Parker or draw him out? I mean, there is a thing called the internet. Peter couldn't be hiding in that many places, right? Now that he knows who Spider-man really is, Peter should be easy to find.




So overall I have to say that this movie just didn't impress me. I'll admit, I've never been a huge Spider-man fan, but that doesn't stop me from liking a movie. So I say Sony is never going to get this right if they haven't gotten it right by now. They keep making the same mistakes, forcing too many emotions in a film that had no idea what to feel in the first place. Too little character development and too quick of a ramp up caused the story to feel unevenly paced and chaotic. If they had not tried to stuff three villains in the same movie and thrown in too many plot conveniences [which I feel is a sign of story teller weakness], the story might have been good with just Electro alone. The Goblin is overplayed and apparently never played right. Let it die, Sony.

What did you think of the Amazing Spider-man 2? Did you think it was better than the first?

Want MOAR of my awesome reviews? Become a Down and Dirty Follower and subscribe today!

DnD Rating: 5/1O

After Credits: Yes, there is one special clip a little after the credits start. Oddly enough, it has NOTHING to do with Spider-man. I still don't get it.