Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Thor 2: The Dark World - Lets face it, Loki is the ONLY REASON this movie exists...

Thor 2: The Dark World has thundered into theaters with a mighty roar and frankly has came out with some scars, but still victorious at 65% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. I can't say I am fond of the Thor movies. The first one was horrible and a waste of a good actress [Natalie Portman]. Yes, yes, I admit, Chris Hemsworth [Thor] is hot. Standing at a gallant 6'4 and bulging muscles, he does at least look yummy with his shirt off [which we totally never get enough of Marvel *hint hint*]. But his character is as dry and boring as cardboard. There is just no edge to Thor. He is the good son and like all good sons, must always do the right thing. The only thing that was good about the first movie was Loki and their brotherly bickering dynamic. And lets face it, Loki is the ONLY REASON this movie got a decent rating.
First Impressions:

This is the movie in a nutshell...

Think of Star Wars mixed with Lord of the Rings with a hint of Asgard and Quantum Leap. This is all kinds of mixed up on what genre it wants to be. I was miffed at all the classic star wars sounds and spacecrafts that were moving around. The Night Elves also seemed like a complete waste of story space as they only advanced the plot with very little purpose and even less passion.

Don't get me wrong, there were a lot of fun moments in this movie. It was awesome to see Chris Evans [Captain America] make a small cameo. The likability of this flick was Loki's greatest trick yet, even with its infinite amount of flaws. The movie was definitely better than the first. However I still have a lot of bones to pick with it.


Night elves look strangely like Romulans from the movie, 3OO
The story was, for the lack of better words, not terrible. They had an interesting premise that got really muddled up by character dynamics and drama. So the Night Elves want eternal darkness and Asgard does not. Then the worlds are going to align and collide, but its OK because we just got to wait when they are out of alignment. Oh wait, that's right some ancient evil is sitting under a rock that can EASILY escape into a host and wretch on the world with its super infinite abilities. Which makes me wonder why it stayed under the rock for so long if it could easily escape?

So, any way, the Night Elves want their super blood powers back so they can bring eternal darkness during the 9 realm alignment. This is basically the most convenient cluster of the year that only could happen in a comic universe. Natalie Portman has a bigger role but is just as useless and pathetic as normal. She spends the first half of the movie moping around that her Viking God boyfriend hasn't came back in 2 years. Then she spends the second half freaking out, sleeping and maybe doing some useful science shit. OH yeah. That's right. We all forgot didn't we? She's a scientist...her power is science. And yet she still manages to be so useless it just eats me up inside.

The good thing is there are a lot of GREAT references to the Avengers in this movie and Loki of course. Which brings me to the whole discussion on why this movie made my "Give a Shit" list.


And this is why Loki can't have nice things...
Yes I had to make my own category. This guy is phenomenal. Loki is your down to the word, perfect archetype of the "Trickster/Joker" character. Loki will never be a leading role character [at least not in these movies], but he is truly the best thing about them. For him to be completely removed would give a drawn-out, bland story about Thor and his completely dependent girlfriend, Jane. Unlike the two of them, Loki is witty and full of great lines and fun. He is written as the comic relief even within his sinister nature.

I also would like to add that he keeps this rather cheesy story light as Thor is a boorish oaf that takes himself way too seriously. Loki balances the movie out perfectly with his carefree, yet manipulative demeanor. Tom Hiddleston [Loki] is really the best thing that ever happened to these movies. He has more passion and motive than Thor could ever have and I at least respect his motives even if they are wrong. I think I felt more emotions about Loki receiving the news about his mother's death than Thor witnessing it. Loki never had a chance to say goodbye.

Favorite Loki line:

Random Asgard Friend: If you betray him...
Loki: ...you'll kill you? Evidently there will be a line.

Beef #1: There is not enough of this, marvel!
Technology: Holy crap make up your fricken mind, Marvel! Asgard..."where the one ring to rule"...I'm sorry wrong story. What I mean to say was, "Where technology meets magic!" Its like this world is upside down. We have technology and magic for days to shoot, protect and murder things, but we don't have enough to help save people who got stabbed? You know how hard it is to die from stabbing Marvel?? In a world with that much magic and technology at that? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?? Also why does it take FOREVER to get that magical shield up? Asgard, I know you are ancient as the dawn of time, but I'm pretty sure you could have built a faster generating shield than that!

And the most irrelevant death of the year goes to...
The Stabbing: Who gets stabbed once and dies instantly? Why are Asgardian women so frail? Why weren't there more guards in the room? Why do guards suck at shooting rather large objects? Why didn't she cast her own tricks so she wouldn't die? She can't do two tricks at once?

Meaningless Deaths: I know, I know. I am still on the stabbing deal. However this happens more
than once in this movie. They didn't build Frigga's character up enough for me to feel even an ounce of emotion when she died. She had a whole ceremony with the rest of the dead people to be casted out into sea on fire. This is a tradition I thought was only for rich people, but they did this for all of the dead as well. I didn't see this in the first movie. Were the people who died in the first movie given the middle finger?

The Jealousy that Never Was: So warrior Asgard chick wants Thor to park in her garage and SOME HOW this side plot vanishes half way through the movie. Why? Why would Marvel elude to a possible jealousy, cat fight problem when Jane came back into the picture and not follow through? She's not jealous anymore? Bull shit.

Evil juju gets around like the HIVs...
Inconsistent Effects of Evil JuJu: When Jane possesses the evil juju, she's as cute as ever...except when her eyes turn black...or blue...or whatever the special effects department feels like that day. However with the Night Elf..his skin tone turns ashy grey and his eyes turn red. Except when its blue again. PICK A COLOR SCHEME AND STICK WITH IT.

Cutting a hand off with a dagger: I know we all want to believe some one can chop a hand off with a dagger, but seriously? I was really skeptical when I saw this and if I was skeptical, Night Elf man should have been SUPER skeptical! There is no way you can hack off a man's hand with a dagger in a clean swipe. I knew after I saw that he DIDN'T BLEED, unless the dagger has cauterizing capabilities, that this was an illusion for sure.

Good ol pops...he gives great gifts.
Thor Never Gets in Trouble: So Thor breaks all the laws  and he doesn't get in trouble? Why? Did his friends get in trouble? Is it his dashing good looks or the "I want my son to be king" ordeal? I can see why Loki hates his guts. The kid is invulnerable to punishment!

Thor's Magic Hammer: I feel sorry for Thor's hammer. It is always so reliable and always comes when he whistles. But falling between worlds sounds like a drag. His hammer is hopping into space, dropping back down, going back into space. I can see his hammer screaming "MAKE UP YOUR MIND THOR! Stay in one realm damn it!"

Captain Coincidence Strikes!: I hate to say this, but when Jane and Thor ran into the cave and found the wormhole that can take them back to her world instead of getting stuck in the dark world, that really was way too convenient for the plot. There was no struggle, desperation or feelings of being lost forever. There was a "Oh look, we just happen to find the cave that goes back to my world. Cool. That was easy."

So overall, yes I bashed the movie quite a bit, but like I said before, it was not all bad. Great actors, good dialogue really make the bulk of why this is 65% fresh. However its story law inconsistencies and meaningless plot movements tend to shadow the good this film has. Thor still has a long way to go, but it can't be worse than Captain America, can it? can it???

I leave you to ponder this...

What did you think of the new Thor movie? Let me know!

DnD's Movie Rating: 6/1O

Bonus Clips at the End? You bet! There are two clips at the end. DON'T MISS OUT! One comes shortly after the credits start and the other is after the end of the credits. Enjoy!

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