Godzilla: Perpetuating the Reality that FEMA Still Sucks at Disaster Relief

All Hail the KING! Godzilla roars into theaters and I was so ready for a monster/disaster film to make up for that awful 1998 version of "GINO" [Godzilla In Name Only]. This movie goes back to the core of what Godzilla was about. He isn't just some monster wrecking the city, he's a monster that battles other monsters who wreck the city while also wrecking the city. And he's also the people's monster, fighting for the good of the land while being mistaken as a non-cuddly version of Barney. Godzilla has shown that he is an alpha predator, a shark in the water, and a MUTO stomping, shit kicking hero of the lands.

The Angels of Death Have Arrived

Down and Dirty [just how you like it]:

So what can I say about this movie? It was pretty awesome. One of the best films I had seen in a while. This is one of the rare moments where expectations meet fulfillment and I love me some carnage porn. There is so much carnage porn I was wondering when the Jaegars/Gundams/Mechas/Giant Robots were going to come out to play.

The story was great, we got to see a lot of Godzilla battling the forces of evil, everything gets destroyed and we even get to see some G rated MUTO mating. Aww they nuzzled when they met, that's so cute! The only thing I have to say about this movie are the characters. Compared to the awesomeness of Godzilla, everyone was practically a co-star and boring ones at that. The best character was honestly crazy ass Bryan Cranston, giving one of the best performances of this movie, and he dies way too quick for us to get to know his character better. His son, Ford, however, is incredibly emotionless, boring, serious and not up to snuff [sorry Aaron Taylor Johnson...this just wasn't your movie]. If you are looking for a good disaster flick this season, Godzilla will delight!

Story:

The story is pretty intense. It starts with a disaster and ends with a happy ending...after four cities have been demolished. The story is about a man who lost his wife to a tragic accident at the power plant they both work at due to an earthquake. Years later the husband continues his madness by trying to discover the truth of the cause of his wife's death. His son, Ford is now in the United States Navy as an Explosive Ordnance Disposal Officer and has a stable life with his wife and son back in San Francisco.

Ford goes back to Japan when he gets a call that his father was arrested for trespassing. So he heads back to bail him out and tries to convince him to come back with him to the US. However his father, convinced that the Japanese are covering up the power plant accident, convinces Ford to head back to Janjira to get the data from their home and finally put this to rest. Until....they get arrested and taken to the plant where a giant egg is being fed radiation in secret by Project M.U.T.O and two purposes converge. Then shit goes to hell and then the monster hunt begins!

Characters:

We are onto you Bryan. We know you act like Hal backstage.

The characters could have been a bit more interesting. I am generally conflicted though. The movie is really about Godzilla, so you don't want to take the spotlight away from him. But Lt Brody could have been way more interesting than how he was portrayed. Everyone seemed like supporting actors and their development was bland if not totally lifeless, and unmemorable.

Aaron Taylor Johnson really seemed out of place in a military uniform, except the fact that he buffed up for the role. Bryan Cranston was the best thing about this movie, but we strangely didn't get enough of him even though he is plastered on every trailer out there.

CGI:

Super carnage porn and awesome monster disaster footage is sprawled all over this film. It takes a while to get to the moment Godzilla submerges from the sea, but its well worth it. There is destruction in Japan, Las Vegas, Honolulu and San Francisco. Golden Gate Bridge? Yeah. What bridge? Monsters be breaking through like its chicken wire. The CGI is definitely great in this film. The only thing I would have to comment is the MUTO's feet. They were...weird at best. But Godzilla was pretty damn impressive with those phat dino hips!

This reminds me of a a turtle with mountains on its shell

Godzilla:

Freaken gnarly! Best design ever. He looks just like the original, but way better. And the best part is he had the most awesome Mortal Kombat finishing move. Shit fire in your opponents mouth and rip their head off as a trophy! The whole room clapped when he started using his infamous atomic flame attack.

I also love it that they got Ken Watanabe to star in this movie just to say "Godzilla" with a Japanese accent. He totally speaks perfect English until he accents the shit out of the name "Godzilla" or should I say Gojira? Love it. Nobody else dared use that name, but him. It was HIS word.

Noted Cool Shit: 

Did anyone noticed the word "Mothra" on the fish tank? Yeah that was pretty cool. Too bad that MUTO wasn't Mothra. Sad face.

One of the best shots in the film

Toho, the original production company who created the Godzilla films, had a hand in producing this movie. They even provided the sound clip of the original Godzilla roar which was improved on for the film.

For Godzilla's fighting style, the special effects department studied the fighting style of bears and komodo dragons.

Godzilla which derived from the pronunciation of "Gojira" or "Gozira" is actually a hybrid word that is in-between the Japanese words for gorilla and whale.


Deep Water Thoughts:

This is less a list of complaints, but more commentary as I thought the movie was great...but all movies have a few flaws....shall we count the ways?

They are looking in the one area that's Asian. Racists.

1. The Military Sure Knows How to Make Things Worse:

I love the compentency level of the military in these movies. It always seems to be around saving lives, but they always manage to make screw things up. Does anyone ever have an op plan for shit like this? I think the force uses any excuse to go nuclear whenever possible. When monsters strike the city, you can always count on the military to:


Option A. Shoot at it...even though it doesn't work, hasn't worked, and continues not to work.

Option B. Hit it with bombs even though its more like a bird taking a crap on your head. Its unpleasant and annoying, but doesn't effect things large enough to throw seismic temper tantrums.

Option C. Nuke that bitch and get it over with [even though radiation is their food source and that's like dumping ice cream into their lap].

Or Even better...the AF has a plan:

Air Force Reassures Public it can Defeat Godzilla

2. Heisenberg's Wife is like a Teleporter:

I distinctly remember his wife had only started walking down the tunnel when they started noticing something wrong. You would think the first sign of a major shake, everyone would be bolting back instead of waiting for shit to break. However when they discovered a leak and her group had to run, they ran for a good ten-fifteen minutes down that hall and still didn't make it. That's like an Air Force PT test right there. There is no way she could have gone in a mile and a half already in that short of a time. Also...what is the point of having suits if they aren't going to protect you from a major leakage? And dude...she died on your birthday? Man...God is a dick to Heisenberg.

Her entire purpose was to say happy birthday and die...

3. Reused Looping Footage:

Also....with the gas leak running scene, they totally reused that footage over and over and over again. I thought something was up when that same hallway like gas flurry looked oh so similar every time. And strangely as that smoke was chasing them, they were able to keep up even when they fell? Nope. That should have caught up with them as soon as they fell and tried to get off the ground.

4. Some Dude With Goggles Got In the Movie:

Yeah some guy with googles just took up the whole screen in the beginning. Who does he think he is? Famous? pfft.

5. Missing Scenes:

There were scenes in the trailer that were cut out of the movie. The part where Godzilla is roaring as the doors close [the doors do close on Godzilla, but he is fighting with his opponent] and the part where Lt Brody asks, "Can we kill it?"Also they clipped part of the speech Bryan Cranston did in the trailer too. They extracted a line out of it in the final cut. How did I even notice this? I've only seen the trailer like 15 times and each variation of Godzilla's trailers almost has the same scenes in it.

6. Gas Masks...Who Needs Them?:

I am amazed at how many people just pop off their gas masks in this movie like its no big deal. I mean you aren't wearing thick, scratchy, hot MOPP gear just for shits and giggles. You are wearing it because radiation poisoning is a bad mofo. This is the 3OO helmet situation all over again. I know we all want to see the actor's pretty faces, but geezus people, does anyone read the safety manual? Ever?

This love machine looks like Aliens had sex with Goro

7. Pokemon! Gotta catch Em All!:

I swear to God the MUTOs look like Pokemon. I was waiting for Ash Ketchum to pop up from
around the corner with Pikachu to do battle and try to capture those impressive creatures with a legendary super ball. Then after their victory, they will high five each other and Ash will be like "All right Pikachu! We did it!" and Pikachu will scream in excitement, "Pika pi!" and wait...I'm totally getting carried away with this comment point.

8. Broken Promises:

They never addressed the broken promise Lt Brody gave to his son that he would be there the next day. In fact...he broke a LOT of promises in this movie. I'm fairly sure his child is going to grow up to be a drug addict. Yup. Drug addict.

9. Instant Uniform:

So Lt Brody gets rifted with the Army and needs a uniform because...nobody will take him seriously without one? And what do you know, they have a spare for the Navy guy! WOWS. Thanks Army Dudes. We are like hundreds of miles from the closest base, but you are total bros. Also I expected the Army guys to call Lt Brody a seaman as much as possible. Damn...opportunity missed!

1O. NAAAAPPP TIME!

And after the King of Beasts had a thrilling romp through the city and bitch slapeth his winged, spider foes to the next stone age. Our King taketh a nap near the pier and a well deserved rest for saving half of the city so all the gays can rejoice and keep on rockin their Andrew Christian underwear. The End.

It is a miracle they had his size...

11. The Man that Wouldn't Die

So Lt Brody goes through some pretty screwed up events in the time line of the movie. He jumps from a very high set of train tracks into a river. He miraculously does not break his legs or back in the process. He got swept away with a entangled mess of steel and wood and was the lone survivor. And then he served up some scrambled MUTO eggs and got twerk blasted a good 1OO feet forward. And some how he still gets to keep everything. Damn dude. Bionic man, much?

12. Heisenberg is SO not in this movie!

The trailers REALLY focus on Bryan Cranston a lot like he is in this movie. The guy dies like 3O minutes into it and the rest of the story is carried on by his bore of a son. ZZZZzzzz Ford. Who names their kids after cars? pfft.

13. Where Did That Picture Come From?

When Lt Brody was onboard the aircraft before his jump he pulls out a picture of his wife and kid. First off...who keeps physical pictures anymore and how in the world did he manage to get it? And even if he had it the entire time..how did that photo survive after all the shit he went through?

14. Excuse me, Pardon me, Sorry! Coming through:

Damn military. Why the hell are you in Godzilla's way? He was trying to be polite and dive deeper to avoid capsizing your stupid ships, but all of your bo-ats were totally cock blocking him from passing. MOVE. Its your fault your ships flipped. You think your dumb ships are going to stop him from moving you out of the way like a toy in a child's bathtub? Also for a monster...he was very polite. After he finished his nap, he gently got up, walked back into the water and left. What a GGG, Godzilla was.

And the Best Christmas Lights of 2O14 go to...

15. MUTO Chandelier Eggs:

That was a pretty display MUTO female produced, but how could one make the missile look like that without sticking it up her hooha and shitting eggs on it? Also...we totally didn't get a chance to see prehistoric softcore monster porn with some love tracks from the master, Barry White. MISSED OPPORTUNITIES!

16. Finally! We Found the Sub!:

I'm so happy for them that they found that random Russian nuclear submarine, but seriously...how long has that shit been hanging there? Does nobody hike in Hawaii? And how did this sub get there again? Did MUTO do some spearfishing off the coast of the Kamchatka Peninsula and pick up a sub sandwich on his way into town?

17. Man's Best Friend's Contract Ends Today:

The dog that ran from the tidal wave, would have been gone FAR before the humans would have ever noticed something was up. Like I told my friend, if you see animals all running in ONE direction, FOLLOW THEM! Drop whatever donut you are eating and run you fools!

18. This Guy Can't Catch a Break:

Everywhere Lt Brody goes...those things follow him. Japan, Hawaii and then California? Shit dude. If I were Lt Brody I would quit my job and live as a hermit as far inland as I could get to keep away from those things.

19. I am Running On the Railroad, All the Live Long Day:

Just walking on those tracks with wide spacing was hard enough for the Army....then they had to run? Oh no. That isn't possible in a panic. I was expecting some one to fall through, but nope, MUTO-SAN ate them instead.

This disaster looks super familiar....

2O. And They Stopped Everyone on the Bridge...WHY?:

Everyone is trying to escape from the city with busloads of people and the police are blocking the bridge. WTF San Francisco Police. This is not a time to be cordoning shit off, assholes. In a few seconds there isn't going to BE a Golden Gate Bridge!

21. Everyone in This Movie is Deaf:

There were multiple times character's in this film were surprised to see something behind him. Such as the Japanese Police at the old Brody home..and the monsters SNEAKING up on them. I mean...these things just breath and shit explodes. How can they not hear or feel these things walking around?

Oh yeah..Godzilla's Kaiju bros broke this shit a year ago

22. Goth Asian:

HA. Goth Asian. Sorry. I had to add that one.

23. Annnnnnddd...we lost him:

The Navy had to have known Godzilla was just messing with them and letting them escort him around for fun before he took off.

Godzilla: Oh hey fellas. Nice Bo-ats you got there. OH. Sorry. Spotted my prey. TTYL BYES!

Deep submerge...TAKES OFF LIKE A SHARK.

Yeah Navy...you funny.

The markings are to assure you don't confuse it with RAID

25. I Quit:

Once you start seeing F-35s and F-15s fall out of the sky...that's when you start considering putting in your separation paperwork. Yeah...screw that. When they said, "All threats, foreign and domestic," I didn't think they meant katamari sized monsters shitting on the city. That looks like a big cup of NOPE to me.


So overall, I give this movie a big double thumbs up. It was everything I would expect out of a monster movie and they didn't skimp on the destructive force of the battle scenes. Which is what we all came to see, isn't it? Godzilla 2O14 had a strong Pacific Rim/Jurassic Park feel at times, but still kept to its own design. Going back to the heart of what made Godzilla defining and memorable. He wasn't just another stupid monster, he was a monster that people could empathize with. So if you want to have a rampaging good time, I highly recommend Godzilla!


What did you think of the new Godzilla movie?

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DnD Rating: OH NO, 9/1O MEANS YOU GOT TO GO GO SEE GODZILLA!

After Credits?: Nope. Don't bother waiting.

Quick Thoughts: Frozen - We Don't Need No Man!

I never imagined Disney would detour from the usual "Prince saving the Damsel in Distress" formula, but its finally come to pass with Frozen. This is a movie that focused less on the guys and more on the girls, two sisters to be exact. Elsa and Anna, one sister who has snow magic and the other who is...pretty normal as far as young girls go. You know...girly, desperate, falls in love with the first man who gives her attention. Thank God that dissipated pretty quick.

Elsa seems like the responsible, sensible, worrisome type, while Anna is more carefree, irrational and fearless. There is also a host of extra characters such as Sven the Reindeer, Olaf the snowman, and Kristoff [the main good guy]. The rest of the people are not terribly important to the story in general. They are mainly antagonizers more than villains.

The story moves incredibly fast, going from little kids to dead parents, to run away Queen, etc etc. In fact, it really didn't have much of a story in general that went too deep. Which I think for a kids movie is appropriate considering the attention spans of the audience. Its cute to say the least and teaches a pretty decent lesson, you really don't need a guy to save you nor be happy, but its nice when the right one is there. So I give a thumbs up to Disney for that.

There were a few things I was really curious about though. How did Elsa get her powers? There was no one else like her and her parents obviously didn't share the same traits, so how did she get them? What in the world created those rock people? And how did Kristoff and Sven survive so long with them? Why were they with the ice cutters in the first place? And if they belonged to none of those guys, how did they survive in the ice cutting business?

Also...I was confused at how everyone was totally surprised with Elsa's gifts considering the staff that got cut had to have talked about it at some point. But I guess these aren't really concerns in a kids movie. The last is Elsa's powers. She mainly creates ice and snow, but apparently she can also create clothes, create life and build things? That was different, but OK. Also she seemed SUPER surprised at Olaf considering Olaf couldn't possibly have existed without her. So did she create Olaf when they were children and he ran away when they rushed out to save Anna? Or did she make a snowman in memory of her sister, walked away, and it came to life?

I think the worst of this was all the singing. I forgot Disney movies were about the soundtrack. Ive been spoiled by Pixar and Dreamworks for way too long. Every time they sang I couldn't help, but to think of this honest trailer:

 

Have you seen the hit movie, Frozen? What did you think of it?

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DnD Quick Thoughts Rating: 7/1O [because of the singing]

Netflix Streamable? Nope. Too popular.

The Amazing Spider Man 2: Roll Credits! Oh wait...you are not done yet?

Spider-man, Spider-man, does whatever a spider can. Spins a web, any size. Catches thieves- just like flies. Look out! Here comes the Spider-man. And came he did, with a long running time of 2 hours and 22 minutes, this film is so bloated with fluff and poorly used story mechanisms, even the author of Fifty Shades of Grey would not approve. I can only conclude it was minced to death by Sony execs to the point that it barely represented the story it was and hobbled into theaters as the story it is.

Down and Dirty [Just how you like it]:

*Sigh* What a buzz kill this movie was. All of the best moments were literally in the trailer, so if all of you want to know the essence of the movie, just watch the trailer and you will be good to go. The rest was not that important in the grand scheme of things. This had the most unnecessary convoluted plot possible with not one, not two, but three bad guys that appeared, but two out of the three barely got any running time. We don't even get a team up of bad guys, they choose to separate their battles for no reason at all. Sony just doesn't know how to make a Spider-man movie and could really take a lesson or two from Disney who seem to get better and better with the Marvel films they put out. To wrap this up, I would say it was only an "OK" movie and not something I would not be jumping out of my chair to recommend people to go see. If it was 4O minutes shorter, it would have been a decent film. Not a great film, but a decent one. And Sony really needs to stop stuffing bad guys into these films like a fat kid stuffing cake in his mouth.

Humor:

Spidey hitches a ride with front row seats

I would like to start off the review on a some what positive note. The humor in this film was great and I really enjoyed the cheekiness of the new Spider-man. He's fun to watch. Andrew Garfield does an amazing job as Peter Parker and even though I was surprised at his pick, I have to agree that he is a much better Spider-man than Tobey Maguire. The humor was probably the best thing in this film. Especially the moments where you hear the spider-man theme ring tones. Unfortunately that is where the film stops in light of the fun.

Story:

The story was so convoluted, I wondered how the post-production team didn't pull all of their hair out before the film was completed. You had a back and forth love drama going, Peter's problem with Harry dieing, Electro's messy nonsense, dealing with Aunt May's problems, and then the whole issue with wanting to know the truth about his father. It was just too many things to follow and the order that we followed it in didn't build an arc, but more of a small town roller coaster that gave you the biggest thrill right in the middle and then lots of little lumpy thrills at the end.

The whole film was clearly 4O minutes too long. The longest wrap up in history. Trust me...I looked at my phone around the time I thought the film should have ended and we still were barely at two hours. I don't mind long films, but there was a lot of post battle shit that went on and on and on. The summary of the story was Peter gives up on life for a good year [it was 5 months but the went through all four seasons...so I thought it was a year] after Gwen's death and then eventually returns to defeat Rhino...which only had a good ten minutes of film time. I wish they kept this film light and lean. The fact that they made it dramatically dark after she dies might have been a bit too much, but considering she was running away to England, I guess she had to be killed, right? Spider-man can't leave New York. That's where all the monsters and baddies converge to destroy shit.

Music:

This is one of the few times I will have to say the music was...weird. They tried to make the battle at the power station mix with the music and all it did was create confusion. I was getting confused if Electro was actually saying the words or that was the singer singing the lyrics in the background music. Don't do that shit, Sony! Also...I felt the music where Peter and Gwen met up was very "take my breath away" cheesy like.

One of the coolest slo-mo shots in the movie

Graphics:

Nobody steals Slo-mo from 3OO. NOBODY! They slo-moed the shit out of every battle in that movie to the point that I was like "here we go again" [cue eye roll]. Despite this, the electricity shots are pretty awesome and fun to watch. I really liked the color blends they chose and the way they reconstructed Electro each time he had to reform. The graphics were decent in the film, but the aftermath of said graphics sometimes didn't match up. Such as the whole battle sequence between Spider-man and Electro at the power station. They must have knocked out like fifteen towers and for some reason all of them were still up with minimal damage when they finished.


My Spidey Senses Has Counted the Sins!:

1. NYPD's 15 Vehicle Car Chase:

I guess it was a slow day for the NYPD. No need to chase gang bangers or deal with giving out traffic tickets for threatening violent sodomy on the guy who cut you off. Nope, they had all the time in the world to chase a guy who stole a truck. Instead of splitting up and cutting this crazy Russian carjacker off at the intersections, they all proceeded to chase him from behind like this is drag racing or Boston marathoning.  This is a great way to reaffirm to our youth that the police are incompetent and never trust them to ever get your car back. Just wait for your favorite super hero to come save you instead.

2. The Viles that Nobody Cared About:

So what were the viles for in the beginning chase scene? Plutonium? Also if the viles were that important, why did crazy guy not care if they were bouncing around while he drove around the city? Also...who the hell puts plutonium in small, possibly breakable viles? Shouldn't this truck be fully loaded with dudes with weapons if it was that important? Whoever was Chief of Security of Trucks should be fired. They should hire Happy in their place. Happy is a person who gets things done. Just like Joe Pesci.

Thats definitely a jheri curl fighting with a spider on his head

3. Pocket Protector Pens are Pocket Protected:

Nothing says nerd like a few pens in a shirt pocket right? Well how about 7 pens stuffed in a shirt pocket? This dude had pens stuffed in there like he was stealing them in bulk from Office Max. There was absolutely no reason he needed his entire pen portfolio hanging off his chest.

4. Nerd Alert:

I really dislike the nerd look people portray so much. Thick rimmed glasses, buck teeth, pens in the pocket, and whats up with that rad comb over? Do black men even do that in their old age? I thought that was exclusively a white man's crippling desire to keep the last strands of youth on top of their head.
 
5. Ill Walk Myself Out:

FAIL. This is bad guy 1O1 man. You never let your enemy go like that! Harry should have been escorted all the way down the stairs and into a cop car. That is the only way you win, evil board of directors dude. You win by making sure that little shit punk doesn't wander around his own building free after he supposedly betrayed the organization. Isn't there a handbook for this shit? Why is evil so dumb?

Let there be LIGHT! And Bad Assery.

6. Electrocuted on Electric Avenue:

How is Peter's organs not fried with a side of apple butter from getting electrocuted so much? He got his face electrocuted and his body electrocuted and his hands electrocuted. They make it look like he just got some mad static shock, because he recovered way too quick for his own good.

Come on Sony...he should have been constantly in pain. Getting electrocuted hurts like hell. Also he should have NEVER been able to escape Electro's attacks. Electricity runs extremely fast. The only person who should have been able to compete with Electro in speed is Quicksilver.

7. Harry is Scary:

Could we not have an uglier looking villain? They really over played the goblin look on Harry to the point that he was outrageously hideous and cackling like the Wicked Witch of the West. He even snatched Dorothy...I mean Gwen up for kicks. I didn't really imagine the effects of the venom would have been that dramatic that they changed his facial expression and his douchey hipster haircut for a punky/aphex twin's "come to daddy" look.

8. His Past:

So Peter gets dumped and he becomes all emo and sulky. Finally he gets the idea to start going through his father's stuff, because hey we have something to relate to now, right? Also why are there 35 pictures of Gwen on his wall? Is this guy really that obsessed with her? Damn. A bit stalkerish this one is.

Who the hell is this guy?

9. Goblin Suit:

So Harry gets down to the super secret place and gets injected with the super spider venom. After his victorious grin emerges, Harry realizes he made a mistake and falls from the painful venom while the evil director schmuck that unwillingly helped him bails, hits the emergency button and leaves him there to die. You would figure everything would seal off but instead the doors open to the magical goblin suit with open arms. And some how in the midst of all the madness and struggle crawling, Harry is now magically standing in the suit in the next shot when he clearly was barely able to get off the ground. Can we say, fire the video editor? Also, how did he know the suit would help him from dying?

1O. 5 second Goblin Chase:

We barely got much of the Green Goblin and only after Electro died off. Why put the big battle before the smaller one? Why sony? why? They needed to team up!

11. Apparently Harry has Spidey Senses too:

How did Harry figure out Gwen was Peter's ex-girlfriend? Peter never mentions her name, hes never seen her before, and he never saw her talking with him before she ran into him in the elevator. How does he know this is the one out of hundreds of employees that roam the building?

I just noticed they digitally removed the bulge from his suit

12. Peters Voice:

This really kills me. How does Harry not possibly know Spider-man is Peter Parker? The voice gives it away. I can't imagine Harry would think Spider-man would be any other person since Peter some how made their meeting happen. I know Peter seems weak and unsuspecting, but I am sure the thought had to have popped into his head at some point.



13. Electric Eels Plus High Voltage = Electro?:

PLEASE tell me how this is possible. Those eels were eating him alive in that tank. So you are telling me the shock of the electricity in the water plus modified super eels just makes him an electrical entity with pants? I'm the Queen of Believing in pseudo-science, but this is just considerably far fetched from other transformations. He is the equivalent of if you peeled back the skin off of a smurf with super powers.

Also how did 9 people not notice Electro pulling off the grate right in front of them and grabbing the electrical wires underneath? I mean he's a black dude [well more blue...but you get what I mean]. White pedestrians should automatically assume because he is wearing a hoodie he is out to take their babies and steal their investment portfolios. Also cops smell a black dude doing wrong from hundreds of miles away. They are like flies on shit. Even when the black dude is just THINKING of doing something wrong a cop car rolls up. Are you saying racism doesn't exist in the Spider-man universe? ESPECIALLY in a place like New York?

I wonder if you plug him in if his head lights up...

14. Apparently the Suit and Spanx Come with the Electricity:

I know Sony is trying not to be crass, but HAHA he's got nut huggers! The dude should be flat out naked every time he zips through a wall socket. However he some how comes with his own set of clothes. That's as incredible as the Hulk's pants surviving every time he transforms into the green fists of rage. Or Captain America's pants being the perfect length after growing a foot and gained steroid size muscles.

15. Super Secret Train Lab?:

The video clearly was filmed from his home, but some how it was on his computer at the lab. Why? We've seen him make the confession, but how did he find time to pass it to the computer before he got on the plane and died? This was in an isolated train station after all. And if Peter never broke the calculator, he would have never known the truth. How would Richard Parker know Peter would figure out where the train was? Wasn't this a risky scheme to begin with? In a normal universe Peter would have trashed Dad's old stuff and never figured out what happened. This is poor planning on his father's part.

After a date on the bridge, Peter takes her to the SAW party

16. The Most Unromantic Spot Ever:

Does Peter ever think for a second that Gwen may not want to be a place where she might be thinking of dying? Like the very top of a bridge that I am sure moves a bit from the wind, the earth's rotation, maybe the sand shifting or birds shitting? I know this was supposed to be a masterful scene of love finally coming together so you can all crush us later, but I don't think many women would love to be placed in a position where if the wind farts we can fall to our doom. A park would have done just fine.

17. Stolen Police Car:

So Gwen steals a police car....why is half of NYPD not chasing her for this?! Oh you chase a criminal for plutonium vials, but one police car gets stolen like GTA and nobody cares suddenly? Christ.

18. Im late, but they loved me!: 

Gwen is the only person in the universe that was late for an interview and still got the position. What kind of people just let some one be late for a interview, have a whole conversation in the hallway and still give them the opportunity? More hungrier, on time people want this more, Gwen. I think you lied so Peter can want you back! If this was Glenn Gary Glenn Ross this would have never gone down like that. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about...BEHOLD..one of the best speeches in movie history to kick you out of loserville: [fast forward to 1 min in]

19. Power Station Recovery:

So how did the entire city get all of its electricity back again? You can't tell me Spider-man packaged everything in a nice neat bow and saved the day. I call shenanigans on that one. There were like 15 electrical transformers that got knocked out during their battle. I say that place should have been holy shit destroyed. Also why was the power button under a padlock and the dead guy had the key in his hand? What was he planning to do before his death? He would have never known Electro was coming even if he could turn it off. Also why is the fate of the entire city's electricity dependent on one dude with a padlock key? Doesn't that seem extremely irresponsible of Oscorp?

2O. Why is New York Dependent on One Power Station?:

I know they briefly mentioned that Oscorp was the soul supplier of the city's electricity, but who the hell would put the city's entire electrical grid in one place? Why was there not several stations that existed and backup points for emergency services? Am I the only one who thinks about this stuff? Also its New York...you would figure they would be prepared for any kind of terrorism. You know?

21. Gwen's Death:

I was going to be so pissed if she was still alive after seeing her crack her head hard on the concrete. I'm glad she died. Not because I'm glad she died, but I'm glad they didn't pull a fast one on us and made her alive some how. Also...Gwen is a stupid cow. Peter told her this shit was dangerous...and she didn't care because she's being a stubborn girlfriend. Oh Gwen. Now you done it. Left the series open for another Mary Jane to swoop in and coddle the heart of our hero....and get in all sorts of trouble. I guess Emma Stone wanted out of her contract? I would too if I made this movie.

Thanks to modern CGI, he looks nothing like this

22. Rhino...is Not Really in the Movie:

The last five seconds we finally get to see Rhino and the movie ends. Rhino was never meant to have a mechanical suit from I understand, so it was very awkward to see him in one.

Also, why would OSCORP spring him out to wreck the city? Are they trying to find the whereabouts of Peter Parker or draw him out? I mean, there is a thing called the internet. Peter couldn't be hiding in that many places, right? Now that he knows who Spider-man really is, Peter should be easy to find.




So overall I have to say that this movie just didn't impress me. I'll admit, I've never been a huge Spider-man fan, but that doesn't stop me from liking a movie. So I say Sony is never going to get this right if they haven't gotten it right by now. They keep making the same mistakes, forcing too many emotions in a film that had no idea what to feel in the first place. Too little character development and too quick of a ramp up caused the story to feel unevenly paced and chaotic. If they had not tried to stuff three villains in the same movie and thrown in too many plot conveniences [which I feel is a sign of story teller weakness], the story might have been good with just Electro alone. The Goblin is overplayed and apparently never played right. Let it die, Sony.

What did you think of the Amazing Spider-man 2? Did you think it was better than the first?

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DnD Rating: 5/1O

After Credits: Yes, there is one special clip a little after the credits start. Oddly enough, it has NOTHING to do with Spider-man. I still don't get it.