How I Met Your Mother - A Legen ---wait for it---dary Ending that Pissed Off the World

Its hard to end popular shows to get at least most people to nod and smile that it was a good ending to a series. How I Met Your Mother has ran brilliantly as one of the best stories ever told about a guy that desperately wants to find love. And then whoring his way all over the town to find it.

However many were enraged at the shows finale this past week. I for one, am actually not unhappy. It wasn't a perfect ending and definitely not what I imagined, but it really shows how truly complex and difficult relationships can be and I really enjoyed the somber reality of that message. So you can disagree with me all you want, but the twists and turns of the last episode really had me thinking way after the fact. I admit, the creators didn't set this up well enough to justify how oddball the ending turned out, but it wasn't all bad either. For a happy-go-lucky series, the ending really was about the imperfections of life between a group of friends and that even though bad shit happens, they eventually always find their way back to each other.

The most sickly cute couple on the planet.

Marshall and Lily - They were always the perfect couple and ended in the manner everyone would expect. Marshall keeps moving up in the world and Lily is very supportive of him. They are the example of marital bliss and it would make sense that Lily would be confused how her friends have not always fit in the same picture. However they were the perfect couple archetype that seemed to be the nurture and guidance the group needed. They were the "stability" of the group.

Ted finally meets the mother...after 8 years of searching.

Ted and the Mother - The show has been ELUDING to the fact that the mother actually dies. The episode where he talks to the mother's apartment door wishing he could spend just a little more time with her, was a big hint that their time was short. Ted's story was all about finding the "one" he wanted to spend his life with. So in the end, he finally found her, but also loses her. Its a somber, but realistic ending sometimes to the perfect fairy tale relationship. Ted has always been a tragic, romantic character.

Have you met my gay boyfriend?

 Barney - Barney has always been the joker character. Unstable, chaotic, and eccentric. Barney's character was never meant to settle down and the fact that he ended up divorcing Robin only made sense considering Robin is very career oriented and so is Barney. They were a fun couple, but Barney is considerably immature and foolish. He usually gets what he wants and it makes sense that he would be back on the prowl again. It also made sense that a kick in the nuts, like a baby, would stop him in his tracks. But I see him being a father that might still be irresponsible. His ending was realistic to his personality and what might happen with a player like him.

Canadians...this is how we American's imagine you.

Robin - Robin has always been the stand out character in the mix. Her role has been the seductress/tough girl. She doesn't fit in this group very well [neither does Barney honestly] however the chemistry works. She gives good feminine play off of Lily which would never exist with only the boys around. So she brings a balance even though her character is so odd. However Robin is a career oriented character too. She has always picked career over love and that is why her marriage was crushed. There was also a lot of eluding to her being with Ted in the end. Cold feet at the wedding is really bad. Both Barney and Robin almost had cold feet. It would make sense they would not stay together long.




This is how I saw the show. I watched all 8 seasons at once before the ninth season came out, so I have not been waiting all 9 years. I usually don't follow a series in general. I'll jump in usually in the middle of seasons.

The story was always about Ted wanting Robin. In fact, we can see how much Ted might be secretly comparing ALL the girls he dated as Robin in general. He just got lucky to find a girl that was even more lovely and more perfect than Robin could be at that time. In the final season we see Ted finally move on from Robin and we can tell it killed him that she was marrying Barney instead of him. But like the nice guy that he was, he let it be. But did he ever let her go? Maybe for the time he spent with his wife who made him very happy, but afterward, we can tell this whole story was told in a way where Robin was the center of Ted's problems in life.

What we do know is this:

1. Ted wanted a family and be in fairy tale love. He would never be able to get that through Robin since she was more career minded, had a fear or commitment and couldn't have kids. However Barney was totally happy and accepting of that situation since he never wanted kids and he was commitment phobic himself. So in the beginning Ted and Robin had very different goals and desires. She wanted a less sensitive man, but in the end, Robin was very insecure and needed a man who was strong enough to BE sensitive and accepting of her insecurities. So they were bound to take separate paths for the most part.

That one point when they had potential....

2. Barney and Robin were a train wreck as a couple. Even though they fit in certain aspects, they don't fit in all of them. Mainly because they are too similar is what makes them impossible to be committed to each other. The commitment-phobe, player, playful frat boy with the commitment-phobe, secretly sensitive, daddy issues, fun girl tend to cancel each other out in the overall mix.

The first time they were together, Barney ate himself to death and Robin was constantly miserable. The second time, Robin was at the height of her career and Barney was trying to be supportive, but it was more the Robin show and Barney was the tag along in her life. Their chemistry was really about the sex and the fact that both of them are "Dudes" in a way. Hanging with Robin for Barney was like making love to one of his best bros, but Barney doesn't even know HOW to be there for Robin if she really needed it. And Robin doesn't know how to tell people she needs it. Ted is the only one sensitive enough to notice when Robin is scared besides Lily. If you think about it, Robin rarely has broken down in front of Barney. She has gotten angry, but never has shown much fear or sadness. However virtually everyone else has seen her like that. What does that tell you about Robin? It tells you she never truly trusted Barney to be there for her, so he didn't get a chance to prove he is capable. Not even before the big wedding day does she tell him she is a bit afraid. It gets resolved outside of Barney's knowledge.

Most people will need some one that can be there for them and even though Barney is a good guy, he is still immature irregardless of how much he changed over the course of the series. In this case, Robin needed a solid person in her pocket and she also clearly needed to slow the hell down if she wanted a relationship. Personally I always thought she was running from being in love. Barney was the closest she ever had gotten to being in love, but in the end she still didn't put love first. That was a fatal mistake.  I really don't think either of these two even bothered to try to work it out. They could have, but I imagine that wasn't their style to sit down with a marriage counselor.

Robin is sad she let the genie of the wine bottle escape...

3. Robin leaves the gang. Some people were upset at how Robin ditched the gang for a while, however I understand Robin's point of view. It was impossible for Robin to keep a relationship with Lily without seeing Ted and Barney.

It would have been hard to bite on Lily's time while supporting Marshall in a stressful job, having three children and then what little time she had to spend with the gang, carve that time out for Robin too. I know Lily would have gladly done it if it meant keeping Robin in the group, but I can see Robin as hating to be a burden on anyone with her problems. Even if they promised that the divorce wouldn't change the dynamics of the group, it always does in the end. People have to pick sides and nobody wanted sides to be picked.

On top of that, everyone was clearly happy and she was alone and miserable. That's pretty hard to be on the outside looking in. Its not that Robin necessarily pushed Barney away on purpose, its just that she knew if he didn't want to be with her anymore, why force the issue? The last thing I would like to point out is nobody really showed the SUPPORT Robin desperately needed after divorcing Barney. Ted was occupied with Tracy, Lily had Marshall that needed her more, Barney quickly moved on, and all Robin had was her career and her dogs [which I had no idea where they came from, guess she got a new pack because she was lonely]. Robin and Barney's divorce was quickly steam rolled by Lily's announcement of her third pregnancy. So its no wonder Robin feels she has to suck it up even if she needed support. Barney was a different animal, he handles his pain through sex. It was natural for Barney to revert to make himself feel better.

So for those that were angry she ditched Lily, I think it was a mistake on her part, but that was classic Robin. She was handling it the only way she could, which was by herself because she yet again had a difficult time trying to ask for help. Robin needed that time to reevaluate her life and where she was going. This was good time for Robin to eventually return after she had mourned for her losses and pick back up again. She could not do that if the wounds continued to be ripped open by seeing everyone in a state of bliss, but her.

Horns are sexy, must steal her a horn.

4. Robin and Ted Strike Back. This story was always about Ted and in the end he DID get what he wanted. Which was the family and love he always desired. He spent wonderful years with a woman he adored and I don't think any of that time was wasted. It truly speaks to the fact that life is precious and you never know what will happen tomorrow so you must always hold onto and cherish today. Most of us would be so lucky to have a love so special such as Ted and Tracy at least ONCE in our lives.

It was beautiful for the time he spent and I'm sure if Ted could have more time he would steal it just like he stole the french blue horn. I don't see his relationship with Tracy as a lost, it showed him true love does exist and to continue loving deeply. His relationship with Tracy only brought back the romantic that died after so many years chasing Robin. While Robin has had enough time to forgive her failed marriage and return back into the fold. Robin now has what she wanted, a good career as a hard hitting reporter and at the same time, she is finally open to accept a sensitive, loving guy like Ted. I was personally thrilled Ted gave it one last chance.

However what people failed to notice was....Lily never gave Marshall the money back. In the final episode, Marshall begrudgingly gives Lily the money since he lost the bet on Ted and Robin getting together permanently. In a sense, the final scene was open ended. It doesn't mean they lived happily ever after, it means that Ted never let his love truly die for Robin. Robin was the woman he always wanted since the beginning and perhaps Robin is finally open enough to accept Ted as the man who always knew her better than she knew herself. Or maybe not. We will never know for sure. Robin is a fickle character. Perhaps they tried it out again and broke up for the 23rd time. It happens.

When is this story going to end? I already hit puberty

5. The kids were RIGHT all along. This WAS a story about how Ted was always in love with Robin. Even though the writers screwed with our heads in the beginning, think of ALL the episodes where Ted and Robin went back and forth together. And the bet that Lily and Marshall made where it became a running gag the entire 9 seasons of will they or wont they?

They were not the perfect couple like Ted was with Tracy, but they had good chemistry and Ted was the guy Robin always needed. She needed that sensitive guy to reassure her and that he loved her no matter what. The type of guy who knew in an instant that something was wrong and wouldn't let it go until it was fixed. She needed a guy who was experienced in handling problems appropriately. But Robin was always too stubborn and prideful to really be open to Ted and I really don't think she had more than friendship feelings for him. I believe Robin admires Ted's optimism when it came to love and that is really the attraction there. If Ted and Barney combined, that would be the right amount of everything for Robin in a sense. Both characters had traits she liked.

As for Barney, he was never portrayed as a sensitive guy to women, but a guy with a good heart that had a strange way of expressing his love. He even tells Robin he likes the fact that she is so independent. Meaning he doesn't have to be there for her as much because Barney has a hard time being the empathetic guy. But at least he became an honest guy, which was a signal that Barney really was giving this marriage stuff a try.

I really think the ending was more realistic to real life. Sometimes things don't work out and sometimes friends drift away. Sometimes you lose and sometimes you win. The point of the story was that they were ALWAYS friends and always came back together no matter how far apart they drifted. Including Robin. Even though she abandoned Lily for a while, Lily still forgave her. In the end, it was definitely bitter sweet, but I found it much more complex and interesting than an everyone lived happily ever after sort of deal. I see too much of that these days and it was a refreshing surprise to see such a complicated finale.

Things I wished they changed in the Ending:

1. I was SO waiting for the ultimate voice over wrap up of, "And that kids, is how I met your mother" but it never came. Ive been waiting 9 seasons to hear that....that was kind of a let down.

2. The kids blue eyes REALLY bother the shit out of me. Why do they have blue eyes? Both Smoshby and Tracy have brown eyes. What the heck, casters.

Hes crying because she threw up on his suit...

3. Barney's transformation from player to father figure is really abrupt. I really didn't care for the "all of a sudden I'm going to be a loving person" BS they tried to play off. What would have made more sense is Barney learned a few things from his marriage with Robin, changed at least some what and then transformed a bit more when his child came about. Although the way he acted about "number 31" really gave me the impression he was just going to send a check once a month or forge documents that the baby isn't his and be rid of the situation. I like the fact that he had a baby girl. He wouldn't have changed much if it was a baby boy, but because it was a girl, that forced him to look at women in a different light. Like..those women some day could be MY daughter and I would never want her to go out with a creep like me.

4. I was really disappointed the writers never showed how Barney felt after his divorce. They made it look like he sprung back pretty quickly, but I can't seem to shake how devastating something like that is to a guy who never wants marriage. To marry and it not work out to the only woman that he felt was good enough to be his wife. I wished they had a few moments where we saw Barney alone and realizing he does miss her, but never contacts her to tell her so.

Both of them discovered they liked banana yellow.

5. Flipping forward and backwards. There was way too much back and forth between the past and present. To the point I started caring less and less about the first meet between Ted and his wife. I also wish we got to spend much more time with the wife.

It was a bit unfair that the show was called "How I met your mother" and we spend 8 seasons waiting for this woman to show up and then we get maybe 45 minutes worth of cut scenes and a "hey guess what, shes dead too." Not like I didn't know she was dead...speculation has been swirling around for a while on the internet. That was fine. I just expected to see MORE of her and not less. But yet again...this story never was about the mother as the children expertly pointed out. This was about Robin.

Overall I am sure this finale will be debated for a long time to come. The creators have already stated there is an alternative ending to season 9 which I bet would be more in line with how viewers imagined the ending was going to be. I see it as the perfect way to sell DVDs after they took a risk and failed, but who knows how many sales they are going to get after this. People will probably just boycott and torrent the alternative ending instead.

What did you think of the series finale? Did you hate it as much as everyone else? What was your take on Barney, Robin and Ted's situation?

If you enjoy my blog, please subscribe, comment, share...you know the drill!

The Legos Movie - The Quirky Movie that Makes Everything Awesome

The Legos Movie advertised last year at Comic Con and for some reason I thought they were kidding. Legos is a big attraction every year, building life size lego creations like Lego Hulk, Lego Ninja Turtles, Lego Ironman and more. So naturally, any idea I think is ridiculous gets magically tucked away into oblivion.

Then it happened. It came to the theaters and my friend James squeals "You must see this movie!" And I put it on my "To Do List into Oblivion," which means I will get to it whenever my apartment sets on fire. Well luckily my apartment didn't get set on fire, but I was invited to go see it with another friend who was interested. So here I was sitting in the theater thinking, OK, this can only be minorly good, but it did get a good rating so I expect decent. Maybe terrible, but stupid funny. Or maybe horrible. Horrible sounds correct.

Nobody pisses Batman off, not even you Reptar

First Impressions:

So after watching the movie, my conclusion was it wasn't bad. Its quirky, light-hearted, playful, and cute. I enjoy watching animations that delve into different worlds and witnessing what the world's "biggest fears" are. In Toy Story it was the fear of being forgotten or no longer the child's favorite toy, in Monster's Inc it was a child accidentally following you back into the monster world, in Wreck-it Ralph it was being shut down forever.

The Legos movie was no different. Their greatest fear was called "The Kragle" which was a play on "Krazy Glue" with some of the words missing from old use. But there is more to it, even though I thought the story was way too close to formula standards and all the jokes were obvious, the morals of the story were great overall. It talked about how everyone was the special if you believed it and that you can create anything [which is a big Legos marketing theme...and ploy to sell more over priced legos if you ask me].

The Story:

Obviously some one farted...guess who?

The story is about an ordinary plain Lego workman named Emmet who tries to fit in as much as he can into the very orderly world he lives in. However one day he ends up falling down a hole in the construction site and survives with a lego piece now attached to his back. From there everyone hilariously mistakens him as "The Special" or "Master Builder." So Emmet goes from scene to scene with Wyldstyle and the wise one, Vitruvius as they try to gather a team of Master Builders to stop the evil President Business from unleashing "The Kragle." The best part is even though they play on Emmet's boringness and horrible ideas, they actually become useful in times of crisis. Including a double decker couch that ends up surviving the destruction of the underwater vehicle they built. Its this wonderful playful poking of Emmet's unspecial like qualities is what makes the movie great among the very random backgrounds and situations they encounter together.

Characters:

Doesn't this scene just scream "Merica?"

If you are really into legos or internet/pop culture in general you will be very happy to see a plethora of different characters. There is Lego Batman, probably the most awesome lego of all that pretty much does all the leg work with his inventions and cunningness. You also have Unikitty, a lego cat/unicorn character that reminds me a LOT of a mix of new style My Little Pony and the Nyan Nyan Cat.

There is also a pirate lego man whose body is made of various parts, a spaceship lego man named Benny [who is dying to build a spaceship], Wyldstyle which is a Matrix like character, Vitruvius which is like Gandalf, but there IS a Gandalf and Dumbledore in the movie [which makes it more funny and confusing]. You also have Lincoln, Han Solo and Chewie, The Statue of Liberty, Michelangelo [the turtle], Robots, Superman, etc. The list truly is infinite in this story. Its great to see the whole lego universe get mentioned without playing too far into each one.

Animation:

The animation was a mix of stop motion and 3D animation that for the most part was seamless with each other. The stop motion though was very obvious when they did it because it was considerably choppy, giving the Legos even more of a toy feeling than before. Sometimes the choppiness can be distracting and I'm still curious why they chose to mix the two instead of do one or the other. I don't mind stop motion animation [I loved Wallace and Grommet and the Nightmare Before Christmas after all], but I am curious why they decided certain scenes even needed it while others did not.

What I wanted to destroy in Lego Land:

This is the military's new slogan during the budget crisis

1. Everything is Awesome:

Geez. This song truly rivals "Its a small world" in annoyance. Stupid song gets stuck in my head whenever I think about it. Its the easiest lyrics on the planet to remember and has this sweet, poppy, bubble gummy tune makes me want to punch babies. GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD! GET IT OUT NOW!

2. Mid-Air Building:

I know the movie plays a lot on fantasy building on the fly. That's fine. But seriously...it gets old when people are falling to their doom and have the capability to build in mid-air to save themselves. I mean...come on, there has to be a limit to that!

3. Building and Destroying:

What was the point of this world where they would build all day and destroy a bunch of shit? Half of the beginning was smashing buildings and building stuff. I thought this was supposed to be orderly building? Did I get this confused? I still don't understand what the hell was going on in that beginning montage besides that stupid "Everything is Awesome" song playing and everyone dancing while working. Damn you legos.

4. Short Man Complex:

President Business had REALLY OBVIOUS short man complex with those giant stilt boots. He
also has a large dose of OCD and anal retentiveness. You got other issues we need to know about, Mr. Crazy?

AND YOU SHALL BRING ME A SHRUBBERY!

5. Think Tank - Unexplained:
I'm really curious how the Think Tank works. With all of these master builders everywhere you would think the whole room would be total freaken chaos. Instead the room is created to use their imagination power to create instructions for the brainless citizens out there. So how does the Think Tank create chaos into order? THAT is the bigger mystery here...not how to defeat President Business and the Kragle.

6. The Kid Built What?:

Without going too far into it...there was a LOT of stuff that was built in this movie and the height requirement didn't match. Lets just say that. Plus....he built some complicated shit. Just saying. Kids talented as crap. Glad some one recognized it toward the end.

7. Punchlines:

I know, I know. I am being picky, but I was very sensitive to how formula like the punchlines were. It was almost like clockwork and so obvious I couldn't help, but sigh a lot of times. There is not a lot of originality with the puns in the Legos movie. I wish the creators dug just a WEE bit deeper on making this more just funny to the specific product than play off of fifty other character universes. You know what I mean? Its hard to explain, but there was an edge missing that could have made it that much better.


So in essence, I say this movie is worth taking the kids to and even the girlfriend/wife [she might smile a little too]. Its clean, funny, quick paced and enjoyable for everyone. And if she complains, just tell her, "What are you talking about? EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!" Then start break dancing horribly in front of her and everything will be good.

What did you think of the Legos Movie? Comment Below!

If you enjoy my reviews on the latest entertainment subscribe today!

DnD Rating: 8/1O

After Movie Cool Shit? No. However there are some neat animations during the beginning credits.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty - A Day Dreamer's Fantasy into Real Life

When I saw the rating the Secret Life of Walter Mitty received, I was a bit shocked. Ben Stiller has always been consistent with his movies. However he hasn't done a lot of non-comedic films and I am always reminded how much this one feels like Will Ferrel's "Stranger than Fiction." I do agree though that this story, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, was tough to adapt to the screen. How can you possibly stay true to the story when its barely a page or two long? Besides that, the story lacked any sort of point or resolution that I could see. It would make sense to adapt it into a more relateable piece that expressed a message and I loved the message of this film. As some one that constantly day dreams and has wild fantasies, this movie tells you to get out there and live.

Initial Thoughts:

Day Dreaming of Her...Watch Your Back.

I thought that Stiller did a good job on recreating the essence of what The Secret Life of Walter Mitty was about. This is a story about a man who day dreams too much to get away from his current life. Something we all can relate to when we don't want to be working in our dead end jobs or be with our bitchy spouses with a house full of screaming kids.

Surprisingly, there was no one to fight against Mitty's dreams, unlike the written version where he had a wife that nagged him at every turn. It seemed the world around him is used to his zoning out and accepts that is the way he is. What I really appreciated about the film is it felt like you were looking through a magazine. I was impressed by being pushed to see the words written on the walls, on the streets, on signs, and bus stops. It caused me to pay attention more and appreciate the beautiful long shots that featured some of the most stunning scenes I have seen in a movie. *Sigh* Its so dreamy.

Interesting characters:

The story definitely didn't lack a swathe of interesting characters. There are so many to mention: the drunk helicopter pilot that got dumped, the fisherman crew that was hustling to the one bike on the entire island to get to the nudie bar, the afghans that liked clementine cake. Well lets see...who else?

You have the work bully, Ted, who is the new manager that has came in to shut down the publishing division of Time Magazine so they can put up the web division instead. He pretty much looks and sounds like a douche and haunts Walter for negative photo 25...the "Quintessence of Life" and Sean's best photo yet. Too bad Walt can't find it.

You jerk...you made Mitty come all that way for nothing

You have the mystery man, Mr. Sean O'Connell, the brilliant photographer he has worked with for years, but had never met in person. Yes, Sean is a man's man. The guy that Walt and every man wants to be. He has ventured into dangerous territory to get some of the best photos Life has produced over the years. He only trusts Walt with his work and seemed to have an appreciative nature toward Mr. Mitty.

You have the family support, a sister that tries to push/claw/bribe Mitty out of his shell and a mother who is full of life lessons and strength for Walter when he is down. They seem like a great family and Walt shows how dedicated he is in taking care of them.

You have the instigator, Todd from Eharmony who roots for Mitty, pushing him to finish his profile so he can attract his love interest in winking at him. [by the way, Eharmony sucks, just saying] Ha. Todd. What a trip. He was a great distraction at times during the long points of the movie when Walt was traveling.

Also last, but not least, the love interest, Cheryl. The mysterious, perfectly normal starting intern with a son. Cheryl is a fairly one dimensional character and seems to remain flat throughout the movie. Its odd, but she is so normal it bothers me. However it doesn't take away from my enjoyment.

Colors and Details:

Ballin Detail. Run Mitty, Run! DESTINY AWAITS!

Like I mentioned before, the words that blended into the shots were a work of art in itself. There were so many messages that you don't always catch. Just like in this still shot of Walter running past all of the iconic photographs of Life magazine. See the top right hand and bottom left corner? It states: Walter Mitty's Personal Album - Making of a Brave Man / Astronaut Walter Mitty. That indicates "explorer" mode doesn't it? Going into unknown territory and becoming that man he wants to be. How cool is that?

All of this caused me to pay attention to how beautifully artistic this movie was. Its highly recommended to see this film in IMAX considering all the stunning visuals. I also felt that there were a lot of great color choices used for this film. The way Walter dressed was almost like a black and white television screen. No life..very plain, meek. Even his work place seemed so plain. Then when he went on his adventure he chose reds, the colors of the world were vibrant just like his fantasies. There were also a lot of dreamy blues, lively greens and other wonderful details that drove my senses wild. It really impressed me as an artist that he took this story and made it so visual [like the world he worked in] it became a feast for the eyes.

Story:

This would be faster if he just said he liked her...THE END

The story itself wasn't bad per say, but I felt like it could have said more. It seemed like the story was rather safe and didn't present anything deeper which is where I felt it missed the mark on being "ever lasting." What I do love though was the quirky, nonverbal humor. That part of acting where you can laugh even when nothing has been said. The acting from Stiller was excellent and I could feel the power of each action he took as a significant step in his recovery to return to living life. Although I was a little pissed at the real answer to where the missing negative 25 photo was. If I was Walter, I would have choked the man on that mountain. His answer felt like a horrible waste of time going through this entire journey where you practically felt like the dude was leaving clues. Which he wasn't. He was just a dumb photographer that wanted to be cute about it.

But that was not the real mystery, was it? The desire to find out WHAT was that amazing photo he took remains a secret all the way til the end. And I called it as soon as I heard him rant how great it was, but refused to tell him. I will let you all figure out what was negative 25 for your own viewing pleasure. But it was the best treat of all and I couldn't imagine a better ending to the story.



And now time for what Walter Mitty SHOULDN'T have dreamt about:

1. The Benjamin Button Fantasy - I know that is everyone's favorite part, but my God, the horrors of a man baby curling up next to his full grown wife is creepy. A horrible, horrible fantasy.

Stretch Dragon Ball Z on 22nd and 9th St.

2. The Stretch Armstrong Fight - Hilarious at first, it tends to run its course a bit longer than it should and turn into practically a ninja, street surfing fight scene where stretch gives the "oh crap" face and comes to life.

3. Walter's past [not a dream...]- I liked peeking into his past...but that mohawk was just unbelievably out of character. I am just questioning, how can a man change so much?

4. Cell Phone Reception [this has to be a dream because I can't get good reception in California, much less these places] - I don't know what plan Walter is on, but it has some ridiculously fabulous reception on those snowy mountain peaks. And why didn't he use that on the boat if he had a phone that entire time? Christ Mitty. Get it together.

Please tell me how this shit was possible...

5. Crossing into Afghanistan from Yemen [totally not a dream] - I think most people don't know their geography, but YEMEN ISN'T EVEN CLOSE TO AFGHANISTAN. He never mentions how he gets to Afghanistan because he has to cross more than one country just to find Sean O'Connell some where in the mountains. This is not a short hike at all.

There could have had multiple outcomes that would have ended with Walter being dead in almost every scenario.

So to wrap this up, I really do believe this movie should get more credit than it got. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is a gem that is bright and interesting in its own way. A sweet story about a man who never lived his life up until he was force to become the hero he always wanted to be. The graphics are beautiful, the music is inspiring, and you will find yourself rooting for Mitty all the way through.

Open Your World. Live Life!

What did you think of the Secret Life of Walter Mitty? Tell me in the comments below!

And if you want to hear more crazy rants and reviews, don't forget to subscribe!

DnD's Rating: 8/1O

Anything After the Credits? Nope, however there are some great things going on during the credits that you might want to stick around for.

The Wolf of Wallstreet: A Three Hour Obnoxious Ode to Wallstreet's Most Enterprising Criminals

 
The Wolf of Wall Street is about the life of Jordan Belmont [Leonardo DiCaprio] and his merry pack of thieves. A film set up with an all star cast, including Jonah Hill, Matthew McConaughey and that dude, Shane from the Walking Dead [glad you got work as Zombie Shane] and directed by the legend himself, Martin Scorsese [Taxi Driver, Goodfellas, Hugo, Raging Bull, etc].


Down and Dirty [just how we like it]:

Let the Midget tossing commence!

This was so not a small 18O minutes, it felt more like 5 hours. Painfully drawn out. Even the Hobbit felt short in comparison. No, this is a monster of a movie about a man addicted to the high of money, booze, babes and blow. Get ready for a long winded story about the man behind Stratton Oakmont's dirty business and  the fall of an empire.

Get ready for a lot of scenes with snorting, drinking, screaming, screwing, partying, and madness at this hyper indulgent biopic of a Wall Street criminal.







Story:

Im still extorting money by enticing you to watch me screw you.

I have read the story of the Wolf of Wall Street years ago. A man who laundered and extorted billions of dollars through his company. But why? Because we let him. Say what you want about Jordan Belfort, but he was only extorting one of the most ugly emotions of human nature, greed. The story leaps from panel to panel of Jordan's life and the fat cash he has made, becoming King of the Mountain in a few short years. But like all people who roll the dice, his luck ran out in the end.

We would hope that a story like this ends poorly for such a vile example of an anti-hero [if we can even call Mr. Belfort that], but it honestly doesn't. Sure he loses the house, the wife, the kids, and the cash, but hes still kicking in the end. Because a true villain never seems to die, he always manages to recreate himself differently.

Overall the story was drawn out, with scenes that were funny, but took up way too much film time to be impactful and punchy the way the film seems to present itself. The FBI agent parts seemed considerably underwhelming until the end where they finally nail Belfort on camera. Hilarious.


Characters:

Don't worry there is plenty where this came from...

Just a long collection of douche bags that have a taste of the high life and yell the F word every other word. I guess that is the language of Wall Street, but the film seems to present these men as heroes of the trading world. The person you want to idolize in getting rich and the powerful elite. They were untouchable and acted as such. Nothing was too much for these power houses as they steam rolled through each scene.

Leonardo DiCaprio has a flair for the rich prick. I have never seen him in The Great Gatsby, but I certainly have seen his role as Mr. Candy in Django Unchained and I saw a bit of that same rich prick charm in Jordan. The type of charm that contains a hint of smugness that makes you burn inside with anger.

Jonah Hill still plays a fat guy that sounds like a Jewish New Yorker. Jonah's Donny represents Danny Porush, one of Jordan's real life close friends. A man who quit his job to work for Jordan so he could be rich like him. Donny soon becomes Belfort's right hand man and confident as they roll through life in their limos and ferraris.

The rest of the cast is purely just side talk as the focus is all on Jordan and his ridiculousness.


Emotions:

This picture about sums it up....

I honestly didn't feel a lick of sympathy for these guys. The emotions in this film was rather upbeat, light hearted, and comically sarcastic for a film about an enterprising criminal. This could have been presented intentionally to show that Belfort was a total douche that deserved everything he got in the end. But it made me feel more like why am I watching some one prey on the poor? It wasn't easy for me to like his character at all, although his inner monologue was hilarious at times.

But I digress. The witty sarcasm presented in the movie was lost after a while to stupidity and arrogance. Jordan could have clearly bailed out when he knew he was in hot water, but like any addict, he had to roll the dice one last time. And he lost. I just don't believe he learned his lesson in the end. Unlike most people, he got stuck in a white collar prison for a few years, got out to write a book and continued making money as a motivational speaker bringing in tons of people. Think about that. A guy who cheated people millions, is still being paid by people to teach them to get rich. That's like paying a 7-11 thief how to get a job at 7-11.

So what lesson do we take from all of this? That everyone gets their due? That all good things must come to an end? That the rich always get a second chance? Its hard to tell with this Scorsese film. Regret is a word that least comes to mind when it comes to Jordan Belfort.


Violence:

For the most part, there isn't much violence in this film until the very end when things unravel. There is a scene where Jordan hits his wife, twice. It didn't bother me as much [because gosh...it was something different for a change. Hooray for fake spousal abuse!], but it made half the audience faint. So if you are sensitive to female violence, I would just...cover your eyes or make a trip to the bathroom after his second wife asks for a divorce. You aren't missing much.


What Grinds My Gears:

Me. Me. Me.

1. Talking to the Camera - We all know Jordan is telling this story, but its almost self-imposing and narcissistic to tell it yourself. It was probably intentional, but it jolted me out of the story a lot. I never liked the personal insertion of the narrator in any kind of film.

2. Jonah Hill - I'm not exactly sure how accurate Jonah's interpretation of Danny Porush was, but he was not my favorite character. He felt like the second hand henchman to a villain instead of his own dynamic entity Also why didn't this guy upgrade his glasses after being filthy rich? The guy still wore the same horrible glasses since the beginning. Are they afraid people wouldn't recognize Jonah at all without it? I mean..hes Jonah..the only fat guy on screen. How can we miss him?

3. Hrs of Indulgence for What? - What really bugged me was that story telling quickly took a back seat to a marathon of scenes featuring drugs, sex, and alcohol. To the point where it literally got boring to watch. This is the same problem Don Jon had. After every other scene being porn/sex or the talk of porn/sex it had me thinking, "All right already. I get it. He likes porn and sex. Skip please."

The gang...that nobody got to know.

4. Why were the other characters introduced? - There were 4 or 5 other people introduced in this story that made "appearances" but we didn't really know a damn thing about them. I thought at some point they would be fleshed out more, but they never did.

5. What happened to Matthew McConaughey? - I really want to know what happened to that guy. If he was such a great stock broker...you would figure he would have showed up at Stratton Oakmont at some point.

6. Backing up - Sometimes backing up was necessary and funny. Such as the scene where Jordan is so high, he thinks he drove his car safely back home when instead he wrecked the living shit out of it. However this backing up routine is used frequently and a bit unnecessarily for my tastes.

7. The language - I know this is New York and all, but gosh. Does every other word really need to be the "F" word?  I am not sensitive to curse words at all, but diversity people! Diversity!

Overall the Wolf of Wallstreet does have some charm to it from scene to scene. Unfortunately the story is so long it becomes hard to appreciate it toward the end. When you think it is ending...it doesn't for a good 4O minutes. Why this film got such a high rating initially is beyond me. I think they could have cut an extra 45 minutes and it would have been relatively the same story. Now if you excuse me, I got to go wash all the "F"'s off of me.

What did you think of the Wolf of Wallstreet? Tell me now by commenting below!

Also don't forget to subscribe to my blog!


DnD Rating: 6/1O

Don Jon - The 'Anti-Chick Flick' Flick

DON JON

Don Jon stars Joseph Gorden Levitt and Scarlett Johansson in a romantic comedy about a traditional New Jersey man that meets a traditional New Jersey woman, but this is anything, but a traditional story.

First off, I have to give props to Joseph. He really got ripped for this film! OMG. I was like...WTF did those come from? I always loved his portrayal of Arthur in Inception, but Joseph Gorden Levitt has been around for a long time as mainly a TV actor [the big ones being 3rd Rock from the Sun and Roseanne], but in the past several years has risen as a great movie actor as well.

I was excited about this one due to the interesting premise of a man who has everything going for him, including the ladies, but is a porn addict. This is Joseph Gorden Levitt's debut as a director and writer. I really like what actors do when they become directors in Hollywood. They always give unique spins to stories and show more depth and attention to detail. The odd part was the opening weekend crowd at a noon show was a rousing 2 people [me and some other dude sitting far in a corner probably jacking off to Scarlett Johansson]. Are we the only addicts in this theater or did people feel too uncomfortable to come see this? I think they were missing out in a way. This wasn't as bad as people imagined, but its also not as good at giving out the punches of morality with expectations as much as you would hope. The movie has a lot to say...but no really strong lines you can identify with like in movies such as Fight Club.

First Impressions?

This made me feel I was watching a Jersey Shore Porno, I'm sorry to say. The movie makes you purposely uncomfortable in how much pornographic imagery that is shown, but it fails to finish off clean like most films. The story's conflicts were not as integrated into the main central theme and came off as plodding from scene to scene, with little pay off.

However it doesn't mean there weren't any fun moments. The movie essentially makes fun of the chick flick genre and the images and  unrealistic expectations that different forms of media sends out to our young generation. The story work shows an intricacy that Joseph Gorden Levitt has in deviating from the normal path of the traditional romantic comedy. With some skill sharpening, I can see him taking his ideas further in the future.



Story:

The story is unusual as we follow our hero Don Jon from being a typical New Jersey horndog Italian male that loves his family and God to a man changing for the woman he loves to being lost and then overcoming his problems.

The issue here is I feel that Jon's relationship with Barbara had nothing to do with the story and often served as background noise to Jon's problems. There is also not enough connection between Jon and Esther for them to develop much of anything at all except in his moment of weakness. It is odd, but this movie felt clipped at the end. Like there should have been 3O more minutes that existed. It ends awkwardly with a rather sloppy fizzle out into nowhere. I must be missing a few extra plot points some where here. It didn't feel like it even ended and I was taken aback when it just stopped.

There are some good moments here. Jon's POV dialogue is interesting to listen to, however it doesn't make any real points besides the A-typical male stereotype. Jon and Barbara's chemistry is fun to watch as both manipulate each other in different ways. And Jon and Esther's interaction late in the movie is sweet. There are some funny moments that come about and who doesn't love Joseph Gorden Levitt jamming to "Good Vibrations?"

The central issue of Jon's journey is his addiction to porn. However the story also points out that the same unrealistic fantasy guys have about sex from porn, women expect from men with love in relationships. And as an interesting twist, the story does not end in the way you expect out of a romantic comedy. Consider this...the DUDE BRO FLICK of love comedies.

Which brings me to...

Sex: 

Yes. I said it. Sex. There is so much sex, porn, tits and ass in this movie that I was wondering if I should be watching this for content or paying extra for the free porn in the theater. Its confusing and a little unnecessary. After a while, it was like, OK, I get it. He loves his porn. Do we need to insert every clip the internet has to offer?

This is a new breed of romantic comedy...the guy's point of view and there is enough girl bashing and banging to fulfill any guy's interest if he so misfortunately gets dragged to this film.

Flow: 

The flow is exactly this....Sex, Porn, Gym, Church, Family Dinner and never deviates much from that flow until Barbara comes into the picture. Its kind of weird because some of these scenes seem considerably irrelevant to the storyline itself. But I guess they wanted to show that Jon is a consistent, simple man?

Characters:

Jon:

Jon is probably the only decent character in the movie. Jon is a perfectionist and you can see it in how he takes care of himself, his home, his car and the women he dates. He's flashy, confident and expects a lot. He wants not just any woman but the perfect woman. A woman that makes all men jealous and he could lose himself in. He is considerably vain and selfish. Expecting women to be there to pleasure him. When he meets Barbara he bends to her every desire so he can get with her, but ends up feeling trapped inside the charade of Barbara's fantasies. Jon is a rather simple character that drifts between the duty of God and family and his own closeted sexual life as a serial sex and porn addict. So basically the typical New Jersey Catholic. [Kidding. Please don't come to my door. I love Jersey! I really do!]

Barbara:

Barbara is the typical hot Jersey girl. Raised on fantasies of the perfect prince sweeping her off her feet and pampering her as the beautiful princess of his desires, Barbara sees Jon as a person she can "mold" into her dream husband. Barbara, however, has typical glaring female flaws such as an abhorrence to porn and feels the need to control her man from being anything, but her fantasy. Including a rather annoying tiff in the store when she argued with Jon that a man that cleans isn't sexy [what planet is she from?! You know how hard it is to find a man who LIKES to clean?! Barbara...what is your problem?]. Barbara is rather selfish in a different way, but unlike Jon, she never sees the fault in her logic.

Esther:

Esther was a pleasant surprise considering she is not even featured in the trailer at all. Esther starts out as a 'who the hell is this woman?' type of character. Awkward, overly friendly, doesn't take hints. She irritates Jon most of the movie. Its confusing at first where she falls into place until much later in the story. She ends up serving as a more softer, accepting side to Jon's issues and because of their interaction, he changes and grows.

Jon's Dude Bros:

Both of them are one-dimensional characters. Danny is kind of the typical short, Italian male friend that can get what he can take and Bobby [featured in this photo] seems to be a dog as well, but serves more as a man of conscience to Jon.

Bobby seems to have more of a morality compared to the other two guys. He asks poignant questions that the other guys never think of which shows his game is more sophisticated compared to the flat out aggressive chase of the two Italians.

Jon's Very Italian Family:

Father: Tony Danza is hilarious as the father and seems to say the F word every 3 seconds. I also like the wife beaters at the dinner table. Nice touch.

Mother: The very typical Italian mom, pushing Jon to get married and have grand babies so she can be a grandmother. Jon's mother seems to care greatly about the family, but we can tell when she gets angry, she definitely wears the pants.

Sister: I swear she doesn't say anything in this movie except for one line. Jon's sister seems to spend most of her time in the background, texting...somebody. Man...who is she texting? She texts in church, at the dinner table, during all family related events. But she does say one of the most important lines in the movie when she finally speaks.

Other gripes:

1. The many moments of banter that are irrelevant to the story can get annoying. There are several moments such as when the guys compare chicks, the argument about TIVO and football and other stupid banter that makes the scripting annoying. Don Jon does have its moments and there are some witty lines in there, but its fleeting at best and its hard to get into the humor at times. Maybe I just hate listening to stupid people.

2. The narration. There is so much narration in this movie that I feel like Im reading a book and it drives me nuts. It completely cock blocked my ability to get immersed into the story. The narration is often too long, sometimes pointless, and spoon feeds you long, sexist manifestos about why he dislikes something.

3. Also..wtf is in Jon's cum? Lead? Tissues don't slam into wastebaskets that loudly. I guess they wanted to signal him tossing it in the wastebasket with a noise. Still...it really caught my attention.

4. Jon punches a guy's window out in his car and he just lets him go to church, no problem? Really? Is this typical New Jersey behavior? F* you! NO F* YOU Asshole!  *punches window out.* We settle our shit the JERSEY WAY!

5. Also super random note...if you are epileptic in any way. Don't watch this movie. There is a lot of flashing lights in the beginning and a few other parts. Nobody should convulse over softcore porn.

So to conclude Don Jon may not be movie of the year, but its still a fun one if you can stand the Jersey accents. Its has its moments, charming, interesting, different, and a good first time for Joseph Gorden Levitt.

Rating: 6/1O

Take it away Marky Mark!

Kick Ass 2 - What just happened?

[WARNING: SPOILERS!]

There were a lot of exciting movies that came out this summer and Kick Ass 2 was something I was uber excited about. Kick Ass has to be one of my all time favorite comic book movies due to the concept of a real life vigilante is fun to think about. As Kick Ass 1 was about Dave and his transformation story, Kick Ass 2 really felt more like Mindy's story with a Dave sideplot.

When I first saw it come out, it had a rating of 66%. This ended up plummeting to 23% within a few days as reviews came out bashing the movie. Even though this was not the best sequel [sequels are always a hit and miss], it still had some good moments. But you do have to sit through a lot of the bad pockets that make you want to tear your hair out.

Kick Ass had a lot of smoothing over to do. I really felt the Mindy high school girl acceptance side plot was a total distraction. Mindy [or Hit Girl] is some one I just don't see following anyone blindly to fit in. This is a girl that has murdered people on her own and home schooled on the side. So lets just toss her into society without any transition whatsoever. Great idea, pops!

I'm surprised her new father had no practical sense on how to transition her knowing her history. I doubt she had friends growing up...or social skills in general besides making smart ass remarks. And to force her to make friends...with the popular girls? WTF was he thinking?

Also WTF was this sexual awakening bull shit? You don't watch a N'Sync wannabe video and all of a sudden go boy crazy! What the crappity crap is that about? You could not think of a better intro into the high school boys thing? And what is up with these girls and that nasty talk behind closed doors? Its just down right creepy. Do girls talk like that in high school now? I never talked like that in high school.

Everything the writers did to the epically cool Mindy was instantly trashed, watered down and distanced from the Hit Girl persona. I super disliked the softer side of Mindy because her main character was to be a crime fighting cold-hearted bitch with a snarky attitude. I loved that about her in the first movie and just like her, it felt like the whole second movie had an identity crisis of what kind of message it wanted to get across.

Now lets go back to Dave...who is also trying to figure out how he fits back into society after some how miraculously getting away with being Kick Ass and killing a bunch of people, surviving torture, and watching a man immolate in front of his very eyes. Why is this boy not whimpering in his bed in the fetal position? And where was his girlfriend in this film?

She just shows up to dump him over a vague misunderstanding. That seemed like a way too convenient lead way into him banging Night Bitch every Justice Forever Pow Wow. Which was holistically pointless as they never stay together any way, leaving room open for a possible Dave and Mindy romance [which is a huge no no in my book...they are pretty far apart in age in the comics].

And WTF is up with Chris D'Amico? He just goes bat shit crazy in this movie. Kills his mom with no consequences and dons her dom gear so he can go murder it up. Then when his uncle shows him real evil, he gets EVILER. Right back at ya uncle! I can do worse and not some how land in prison! Man...Chris steps out one time with that costume and the cops would be man handling him all the way to jail. Especially New York cops....they don't get paid to take your shit. That's for sure. I'm really surprised his gang of ultimate killers did not just threaten him to give them all of his money and then beat him to death and take over. Apparently the Russian chick was paid 5O million by Chris to look like a real life street fighter character and don a cleverly racist name. Wow. In Mother Russia, America pays you!

So what about the other characters? In general a great mixture. Jim Carrey rocks it as Col Stars and Stripes. Turk from Scrubs plays a happy go lucky Dr. Gravity, a vigilante that wasn't even a doctor. lol. The playful mixture of the Justice Forever team seemed to be well-helmed by the Col which is a born again Christian that has a penchant for kindly reminding the members not to take the Lord's name in vain.

Even John Leguizamo, who plays Javier, Chris's body guard, had a decent cameo. Although he
was considerably unrealistic watching the little shit go crazy on the world.

So what bothered me about this film? It was serious when it should have been funny and funny when it should have been serious. There were some REALLY odd moments that should have not been made for laughter. Like the potential rape scene. Poor taste on their part. And the blatant disregard for all the killing they did and the implications of that. Dave's father gets murdered and some how they have time for a funeral that was also cop guarded [how did Dave afford the funeral again?]. If I were Dave's friend...I would have bailed as soon as I saw those cell phone pictures. Who wants to be a part of that? That's real life big boy stuff. Screw that. They were just supposed to be saving lives in cool costumes. Not watch people they love get killed.

I do realize this movie is naturally over the top and that is what I loved about the first movie itself. I think Kick Ass 2 definitely went far over the top of ridiculousness that it was difficult to shut my brain off completely. Did I totally hate it? No. There were some funny moments and I thoroughly enjoy every time Mindy beat some ass or got her revenge. That's the way it should be for me. But I think it was lacking polish, tempo and common sense. It basically ruined the best character of all, Hit Girl and that to me is unforgivable.

RATING: 7/1O

This is what I want to do to the people that ruined Hit Girl....

Double Downey Review: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Due Date

While I recover from my adventure out in the woods of Big Bear Mountain and man-eating bugs...I decided to write a classic double feature!

---------------------------

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is about a thief masquerading as an actor [Robert Downey Jr], a detective by the name of Gay Perry [Val Kilmer] and a struggling actress [Michelle Monaghan] mixed up in a middle of a murder mystery.

The movie is quite humorous in its jarring, convoluted story telling as Harry Lockhart [our thief and hero] tries to recall the story of his wild adventure in Hollywood. The best character in this film has got to be Gay Perry, a hard ass detective that has a penchant for insulting Harry at every turn. The dark humor between the actors seems to string you along like bread crumbs far into the woods of engrossing interest. And it only continues to get weirder and more twisted as you go farther down the road.

Random side note:

What blows me away the most is Val Kilmer...still acting. But he's far from his days of flying high in the F-18 taking out "Mig-28s":

Yes Val...we did. Where did that guy go? Tom Cruise hasn't aged a second in his life, so what is your excuse? At least you were pretty damn entertaining in this movie so I forgive you.

Its not a film to watch with the kids, but its still worth watching if you like off beat films. Beautifully done with quirky dialogue, dark humor, patched well with sex, murder, and unexpected turns. Enjoy!

9/1O

---------------------

Due Date - What an odd film. This one is about a high strung, father to be, named Peter Highman [Robert Downey Jr] who is forced to hitch a ride with a wanna-be-actor named Ethan Tremblay [Zach Galifianakis] after he gets kicked off of a plane to meet his pregnant wife for the birth of his child.

The movie has its moments, but I really feel like Zach has no other characters besides stupid, fat ones. I didn't like him that much in the Hangover and he isn't that much more likable in this movie either. However that is the roles he plays. The obnoxious, but strangely lovable psychopath.

The only thing that makes him worth keeping around is the fact that he is a great actor to bounce insults off of. And there are a lot of great moments where Peter [RDJ's character] loses his shit. Even at one point spitting on Ethan's little hog-snorting, masturbating french bull dog, sunny.

There are also a few scenes I found a bit out of place, even just plain useless to the storyline. This movie is about a road trip from hell with the most ignorant, happy-go-lucky nightmare of a man. Mixed with a man with rage issues and you got one heck of a story. At times, uncomfortable to watch even.

I wouldn't say this is film of the year, but the highlighted moments make it at least tolerable to watch. I wouldn't say it would be something I would watch again in full. Perhaps in select pieces.

5/1O

Bonus Film....Robert Downey Jr and Zach Galifianakis interview moments: