Guardians of the Galaxy - Featuring your Parent's "Get it On" Music, KOTR, Shameless Humor and Pop Culture References

The hottest movie of the year finally made its debut this weekend and has already surged to the top. So much hype has been pushed around Marvel's new and relatively unknown franchise, that people started to worry that this would be horribly stupid. In fact, it was quite the opposite. The movie totally gives what it sells and a lot more. A great mix of fun, mockery, dirty jokes and beat em up fun, for everyone who is a comic book / space junkie, this is an adventure that really gives the audience everything it needs to enjoy a movie.

Down and Dirty -

Xandarians know what obscene alien gestures look like

A great giant mockery and plethora of contrasts meshed with key elements of a hero's journey, transforming a rag tag, divided group of criminals into the Guardians of the Galaxy. This whole movie literally makes fun of itself and what we expect out of a comic book movie. Its happy, then sad, then happy, then slightly serious, then back to happy. The music often times doesn't fit the mood of the scene and neither does half the scenes in the movie. Even the characters are pretty awkwardly put together. Its almost a joke in itself at how ridiculous the contrasts are and that is what makes the movie work. Its quirky, adventurous, lighthearted, and full of punches. Disney took a grave chance on such a unique story and has won the battle.

The Soundtrack - 

Is literally the most noticible thing in the movie and sometimes it is quite strange. I felt like the whole movie was built around the soundtrack and not the other way around. Although the track picks are quite good, it can confuse the mood of a scene at times. I do think the choices were intentional however to keep the mood light, even in large states of conflict. Even Chris Pratt's rendition of "Ooh Child" when he sings to Ronan the Accuser was thoroughly hilarious. The last thing you want to do when some one is about to wipe out your existence is to sing and dance in front of him. I guess the power of dance does work.

Story - 

Take a picture, it will last longer.

The story was pretty good and easy to follow. The only part that might have been shaky was Gamora's betrayal of Ronan and Thanos. That was pretty big news to me considering she probably had done quite a few bad things for a while. So why now? Unlike the Avengers, I felt the developing bond between the criminals was much better than the automatic copy/paste job they did with making the Avengers work all of a sudden. They had enough time in the story to help each other out and side with common goals to make the final friendship that much sweeter. As Drax said:

"You, Quill, are my friend."

"This dumb tree is my friend. And this green whore is now my..."

*Gamora berates him*

Science -

Nope. I can make believe a lot of things for the sake of fantasy and enjoying movies...but nope. Just nope. Don't bother thinking about science, it will make your brain hurt. But I guess we never watch these things for the science. I was just thrown out of the story a few times when I realized that there was little regard for how they treated space in general.

CGI - 

Drax is totally joy riding in the back.

Very awesome, they pulled off Rocket, Groot, Thanos and all the animated characters and sci-fi forces that made this whole film spectacular. Their color blends, tones, realism and movements were spot on and amazing. I was very pleased with how well developed all of the graphics were, including the contrasting colorization which made the film sublime, but not so unrealistic that it threw you out of the world. In fact, I really felt like I was watching a comic book and could imagine myself turning the page.



Characters -

Amazing. Everyone popped with their own personalities and it meshed well, perhaps better than even the Avengers irregardless of their differences. 

Peter Quill - The immature, smart ass and leader of the group. He seems to be a slick thief and the a hell of a fighter when he is in a jam. Even though he plays off as a player, it seems he does have a soft spot for women. Peter is literally stuck in the 8Os and has never gotten out of it due to being abducted from earth during that time period. He makes obscure references to the 8Os even though nobody understands what he is talking about. Peter also calls himself "Star Lord" and prides himself as the most wanted outlaw in space [even though nobody knows who he is].


Gamora - The assassin with a heart? It seems she has the most belief in Peter than anyone else. Gamora is the "daughter" of Thanos. The last of her race, her family was murdered and she was abducted to be experimented on and turned into a dangerous weapon. Gamora's character is well developed because she is not a damsel and distress type character, nor a highly feminist "hear me roar, I don't need no man" female. The kiss tease was one of the highlights of the film, because it went there...but then didn't. I appreciated Gunn's avoidance of her being the token love interest and went down an entirely different route all together.

Rocket the Raccoon - By far, the best out of the bunch. Rocket is a treat for everyone to behold. He is a raccoon with a gun, how much better can you get than that? His personality, antics and temper is what keeps things interesting. Rocket fidgets with things and creates weapons as he goes along, which would seem appropriate for a intelligent creature such as a raccoon. Rocket is sarcastic, ill tempered and defensive, but has a deep affection for his friend, Groot. Rocket is a little brainiac hellion in a furball body and you will love every minute of his dialogue and antics.


Groot - The walking tree with a gentle heart, selfless and childlike. Until you threaten his friends. Then he will stomp you into the ground. Groot is a wonderful bag of tricks that can only say "I am Groot" to every response. Rocket is his best bud and translator. He seems to protect Rocket with a passion, understands him, and puts up with him. Groot is the muscle while Rocket is the brains. If you think about it, they have a great Lenny and George dynamic to them.

Drax the Destroyer - A fierce warrior that has been on a rampage since his wife and child died at the hands of Ronan. He has no ability to understand humor, expressions or sayings. Even though he is the type of guy you don't want to mess with, there are times he seems innocent. Drax is a strong, loyal, and interesting character that seems a little thick headed at times. He is also fearless, running into battles regardless of his chances of survival.







FUN Facts:

You know you want a telepathic Russian dog to do your taxes

COSMOS: The movie delivered when they brought in Cosmos, the telepathic Russian dog. Unfortunately, they had him as part of the collection and we never got to know Cosmos properly. Maybe next time? In the comics he is supposed to be the Chief of Security of Knowhere and he seems pretty bad ass with his broken English. And if you want to know...the original Russian space dog was named Laika, one of the first living creatures to go into space.





Infinity Gems Watch: All of the marvel movies so far are leading up to the infinity gems and Thanos's take over. So far we have seen 4 gems appear in the movies:

1. The Tesseract - That cube thing that caused a ruckus in Avengers 1? Yeah, that is one of the infinity gems. Its power is space. So as far as we know its safe in Asgard.

2. The Aether - That red airy thing that got stuck in needy Jane in Thor 2 is the second infinity gem. Its power is reality. From what we know, this gem is safe with the Collector [or maybe not anymore].

3. The Orb - The gem in the orb in Guardians of the Galaxy is the third infinity gem in the series. Its power is..well...power. Demonstrated by its infinite destructive capabilities. Its now safe in the hands of the Nova Corp according to the end of the Guardians movie.

4. Loki's Staff - This one is not confirmed yet but its wildly debated that its another infinity gem. Its power is mind [as was demonstrated when Loki took over people's minds in Avengers 1]. From what we know, HYDRA has the staff according to the ending credit scene from Captain America: Winter Soldier. So I expect it to play a bigger part in the Avenger's movie.

If Loki's staff is an infinity stone, there are 2 more gems we haven't seen yet [time and soul] and I will bet anything that we will see another one in the Avengers: Age of Ultron that is coming out next year. Here are some great references if you want to know more:

Marvel Universe - Infinity Gems

Infinity Gems History Explained



Things Ronan Would Spend Time on the Toilet Thinking About:

Super Deaths - 

Every hero has to have a dead or missing somebody, don't they? I don't know a lot of comic hero movies that don't have some weird, tragic back story. So I guess my point is, if your parent is missing/dead/been abducted by aliens/left you when you were 2; you could very well be a super hero. For those of you with normal parents that are still together. Yeah...you. You are super villain fodder when Zod/Thanos/Ultron/Dark Elves/Giant Super Evil invades Earth.

That Walkman -

Is the most indestructible thing since the Hulk's pants. Seriously. What the hell is that thing made of? And how does Peter get batteries to keep it going? Whatever the case is, the people at Apple and Droid need to take a lesson from Walkman so klutzes like me can keep using them for the next 26 years.

While we are at it, that Table is Pretty Impressive Too - 

The Collector's slave girl gets all "Let My People Free!" on everyone and blows up half the building when she touches the infinity stone. That table just resisted everything, damn. Im surprised the Collector didn't die. Whatever that table is made of, I want it to EMP proof my home.

This was a "Hold My Beer" moment for Drax

Drunk Aliens Do Drunk Things - 

Apparently it doesn't matter what race or how big you are, if you are not a drinker, you are bound to do stupid things. I am pretty sure Peter knew what being drunk was, so I can't imagine how he thought letting a gun loving raccoon, a giant tree, and a revenge lusting psychopath have a few....several drinks and thought this was going to turn out all right. The fact that they decided to get drunk right before they met the collector was hilarious considering they were about to meet a super important dude.

Knights of the Old Republic -

Did anyone feel like Xandar had a strong Knights of the Old Republic feel to it? I couldn't help but see Star Wars in that scene and running around with my character in the game. It could be the style and white stone contrast that reminded me of the series, but it was so strange to watch. I was half way expecting C-3PO to come out.

This Movie Had a Case of Emotional ADD - 

The very first scene we get is SUPER DEPRESSING and then all of a sudden out comes the tunes of "Come and Get Your Love" and the movie now wants you to feel up beat and laugh. This type of scene contrasts happens quite frequently and its a little jarring until you get use to it. I think the beginning scene was the most jarring because opening moments do set the tone of the film. The beginning scene was so unnecessary to me it wouldn't have mattered if it existed at all due to it being mentioned a few points in the film for the characters to connect.

Crash! Bang! Boom! - 

At some point, Rocket crashes his ship through the window of Ronan's ship saving quite a few people in the process, but there would have been no way Drax survived the hit he took from Rocket's ship.

LICK MY LOLLIPOP! NOW!

Ronan the Accuser Sounds Awfully Similar in his Opening Monologue to the Mandarin - 

Did anyone catch that vibe? I felt like he was practically saying the same words...almost had the same tone and then finally broke away a bit. And what was the point of murdering some dude with a hammer? I guess its part of being accuser...you get to kill the accused with hammers.

Nobody Notices a Giant Spaceship in Front of the Hospital - 

Aliens come down to Earth to pick up...one puny kid? You know how many fat terrans they can find if they just went down the street? I mean why terran flesh? Don't they realize we are all made of Hardees, KFC, Mcdonalds and Panda Express and that Americans have no nutritional value?

Holding your Breath in Space - 

This is the big nerd in me, but Gunn treated space like water and that is a big no no. So Peter gives Gamora his mask to breathe so she can live and he starts dying himself. Then when they get beamed on the ship, they are suddenly OK? I saw the both of you start to deteriorate, you can't lie to me! I know her DNA is different, and lets state for a second, Peter's is different enough that he can survive long enough in the most outrageous temperatures and conditions in space, but looking this up took 2 seconds on the internet, so shame on you Gunn for letting this BS fly:

       This is Why We Can't Live in Space Without a Giant Suit:

• You would lose consciousness because there is no oxygen. This could occur in as little as 15 seconds.
• Because there is no air pressure to keep your blood and body fluids in a liquid state, the fluids would "boil." Because the "boiling process" would cause them to lose heat energy rapidly, the fluids would freeze before they were evaporated totally. This process could take from 30 seconds to 1 minute.
• Your tissues (skin, heart, other internal organs) would expand because of the boiling fluids. However, they would not "explode".
• You would face extreme changes in temperature: sunlight - 248 degrees Fahrenheit or 120 degrees Celsius;shade - minus 148 degrees Fahrenheit or minus 100 degrees Celsius
• You would be exposed to various types of radiation (cosmic rays) or charged particles emitted from the sun (solar wind).
• You could be hit by small particles of dust or rock that move at high speeds (micrometeoroids) or orbiting debris from satellites or spacecraft.

You would die quickly because of the first three things listed, probably in less than one minute. The End. Thanks Google. You Da Real MVP.

And to think, I didn't imagine hillbillies would make it to space

Yondu Udonta is a Space Merle Dixon - 

As soon I saw this guy Im like OMG, Merle, your skin turned blue! I guess you couldn't have a James Gunn movie without Michael Rooker, he was also in his movie, Slither. Apparently Gunn only had Rooker in mind when he casted Yondu. Lucky man! There is life after death in the Walking Dead, and its being the alien leader of the Ravagers!

Face Destruction - 

For as much crap that these guys get put through, everyone makes this out alive and relatively unharmed from extreme internal organ damage, I swear Peter may have cancer of the everything now that he has lived through space and touching an infinity stone. In fact, I think everyone, but Groot might just die before the next Guardian of the Galaxy movie from the infinity stone battle.

Villains Really Need to Cut the Monologue - 

I swear, Ronan, this is like Villain Lesson #1, if you have the good guy in a position of mercy, don't talk for a half hour about how you have won. Just kill them, darn it! Ronan is so atypical of a villain to gloat. I would just  have "gotten on with" the doom and destruction bit since you know, I wasn't really there for my glory, just your deaths. But he had to let them know he won before he killed them. I guess every villain is secretly a pompous rejected rock star inside.

Thanks for Saving Us? - 

I don't know about you but I didn't see a lot of places that was not destroyed by the fight. Not sure what there was to thank about since a lot of people died, buildings crumbled and a giant spaceship crashed in the middle of the city. Also....there were a lot of people hanging around the area Ronan was at. I would be way in the back...trying to plot my escape from the planet as this craziness was going on, not running toward it to watch Ronan burn me out of existence.

Music Life Sentence - 

Did Peter really listen to this soundtrack for 26 years? Shouldn't the tape have shredded by now at some point? And man..he should have opened that package he got from his mom sooner. He could have gotten some new beats at least at some point in his life or just downloaded the entire database of music from Earth every now and then. He had to have wanted to return at some point out of curiosity. Right? Right?

She's definitely jealous of her Beyonce Hair

Sister Bitch Fight - 

At one point the sisters, Gamora and Nebula have their big show down [as we expected], but Gamora is not actually Thanos's daughter, so is Nebula also not his daughter? And why does Thanos just take random women and make them his "daughters"? Is he impotent? I think he is impotent. There you go folks, too much power and a desire to conquer the universe = impotent.




Ronan the Accuser is Thranduil -

Dude, I totally didn't recognize Lee Pace. GREAT JOB on the make up! You even covered up his eyebrows.

Emporer Palpatine, is that You? -

I swear at some point it looked like Emperor Palpatine was talking on screen. I was totally like, dude, stop rubbing it in our face that you purchased Star Wars, Disney. We get it...you are very large and very evil.

They just Played Space Invaders for their Final Battle Scene... - 

When Ronan's flyers were kamakaze bombing into Xandar, the Ravagers posted into the city and pointed upwards shooting them as they came down. They were basically playing space invaders...

Peter's Dad is Special? -

I'm sure comic fans knew this and I know I can just look this up, but I want to be surprised who Peter's dad really is. Is he an Elder? Some type of Celestial being? It was good that they explained that Peter's ability to hold onto the infinity stone had a lot to do with that because I was about to call bull shit seeing how powerful that stone already was.

All of these Characters are Equally Matched? -

This is why we can't have nice things...

Its weird, but all of the characters are equally matched in capability. Granted the better fighters are Drax and Gamora, while Groot is all powerful and heavily convinient to the plot. Peter was still able to get the best of Gamora in their fights, outsmarts Drax in his talks, and seems to be able to control the insane duo Rocket + Groot before they kill him. I figured Peter would be the least capable of the group in fighting ability, but I guess not.

Convenient Arrow is Convenient - 

Why didn't we have that thing on board? Or even on the ground? That whistle arrow killed 2O people and a ship in five seconds. We could have used that on Xandar or against Ronan or really anybody at all. Take your pick, Yondu.

The Entire Force of Xandar Died In One Scene - 

Seriously...I don't know why everyone's so freaken happy. The entire flying patrol force of Xandar just got murdered in this battle. Now Xandar is completely defenseless and has to rebuild. Nobody even acknowledges this. I'm surprised any of these people were left to say thanks to Peter and his crew. There should have been memorials everywhere. That main officer should have been sulking his friends died and that he was the lone survivor because he wasn't up there with them. People forgot a good thousand ships or more died to give the Guardians enough time to defeat Ronan before the ship crashed landed.

Orange Water- 

I really want to know the cleansing properties of that agent orange water they hosed them down with in that jail.

Definitely puppy stealing eyes going on in this photo

Glenn Close Looks Like She Wants To Steal Your Puppy - 

She got that "Cruella de Ville" hair do going on. I thought I was going to have to hug every puppy the next day at the shelter to make sure she wasn't coming to make coats out of them.

What is She Typing? - 

The chick that was typing next to Glenn Close while she was ordering everyone around to protect Xandar. She was furiously typing on one finger and I kept thinking, there is no way she is keeping up with all of the orders on one finger. She must be typing to her boyfriend about how much her job "suxx lol. #livingthedream #XandarAttack #ImTotallyAnExtraInThisMovie"

This Jail Sucks - 

It took the Guardians five seconds to get out of that jail in the most noisy, damaging way possible. Why didnt they seperate these knuckle heads? They knew Gamora was wanted for all kinds of deaths, they knew the raccoon and house plant had broken out more than once before.

Don't know why they didn't separate them and why the sentry tour is literally in the middle of the jail. That's a total bust if they have to run out to save themselves because the Guardians managed to block the guard's only escape route. This jail is designed really poorly.

This...does not look safe at all.

Rocket Boots - 

Star Lord has way better control of his boots compared to when Tony Stark made his. Tony neededstabilizers on his hands to better control the direction of his flight, but Peter doesn't. I do think Peter wins this one.

So...the Collection - 

Now that the collection has escaped...what kind of consequences does that cause the universe?

Whoever Hid the Infinity Stones Needs to be Fired - 

These stones don't seem very well hidden in this universe. If you happen to stumble onto one that's just hanging out in a ruin some where, it seems pretty darn easy to grab. Even if you had no idea how to open it, the beings who do know how to open it will find you. So really these infinity objects were held in pretty shitty easy places to begin with even though they are so dangerous. I guess Elders of the Universe's have shitty millennial intern problems too.


So overall this movie was really fun and a risky dark horse compared to the rest of the Marvel Universe. Contrasting choices and humor vs emotions worked well in some instances and not so great in others. The casting choice was 1OO% spot on. Everything from the make up, the CGI movement, and even the voice acting that breathed life into the most obscure of characters. The movie gives you that beautiful swath of colors, emotions, and character development. A real treat for the audience. We got a great comic book feel without it being too corny or fake, making you forget that there are no such things as talking raccoons and cities based out of floating heads. So come out to the theater and get your love!

Got a burning urge to prove your nerdy pride? Comment below!

Want more super awesome reviews of the latest in marvel cinema? Subscribe today!

YAY Sparkles!

DnD Rating: 8.5/1O

After Credits: Yes! There is a scene as the credits start and another one after the full credits are complete, so stay behind! Its not really a scene to connect the movie with the rest of the series, but it is an interesting surprise. In case you don't get the final scene...comment and I'll explain.

How to Train Your Dragon 2: Teaching You To Never Listen To Your Parents Since 2O1O

How to Train Your Dragon has to be one of my all time favorite animated movies. Its a unique, beautiful story about a boy and his dragon. The story works so well, Hiccup and Toothless are so amusing together, you can't imagine the series without them. Plus the animation is incredibly well done and easily heartwarming without being cliche. The second film had finally arrived after four years of waiting and it does not disappoint.

The same look a cat makes before it tears you a new asshole

Down and Dirty:

The overall story was well done, the graphics and movie score was beautiful, and we got to explore more of Hiccup's family ties and the world of dragons that exists beyond Berk. The viking town has adapted and quite attached to their new scaly friends and everyone seems happy until they find out a man named Drago is capturing dragons and creating an army.

The action sequences are explosive, the low points are devastating, the humor is within the vein of the first movie, and of course there are more dragon species for us to see. The biggest let downs of the movie are the villain's motives weren't strong enough and seemed aimless. Minor characters seemed to drown beneath the action of the main ones and the story dragged out farther than needed to circle around and give a more punchy ending.

Action:

Train Your Dragon 3 will Feature Dragon Skinny Dipping

There is a lot more action in this movie than ever before. Probably a little too much in certain respects. Two large battle sequences back to back made me feel this movie should have been broken up a bit more. The other thing that bothered me is that creatures and characters did a whole lot of nothing off screen while certain characters were confronting each other.

It seemed like Dream Works had a bit more trouble this time keeping track of everything at once and could only handle one problem set at a time. The biggest fail was the sequence where Stoick and his wife were hiding behind the rocks while the dragon searched for them and Hiccup confronted Drago. While Hiccup was confronting Drago, the dragon seemed to do absolutely nothing for that entire sequence. He could have easily freezed over the entire area his family was last seen at even if he couldn't find them. The sequences were poorly planned when the battles were large scaled, but very well planned when they were on a smaller level of confrontation.

Story:

This story was beautiful, touching, heartwarming and exciting. I was so happy for Hiccup and Astrid being together. I was so happy Stoick finally found his wife. I was thrilled that Toothless made a friend in Cloudjumper and that we got to explore more of the world beyond Berk. However the story seemed to have a bit too much going on. The themes that ran along were far too much to pack into one movie:

This poster is as bad as the story clutter

1. Hiccup finds mom - strong
2. Hiccup fears becoming a cheiftain - weak
3. Hiccup reunites family and quickly loses it - beautiful, but forced
4. Hiccup and Toothless learn to solo fly and catch each other - well planned
5. Drago's conquest to destroy all dragons by controlling dragons, to destroy dragons - weak
6. Love Triangles Galore - funny
7. Hiccup must defend his people and the dragons - strong
8. Eret's contribution to the story - weak and filler

This was a whole lot of whoa for a story and some of these threads were weakened by the overall craziness that was going on. Some tracks took a back seat to the others and were weakened overtime due to never addressed properly. Losing his father was way too quick of a rebound. I understand the movie has to force the characters to move forward, but I would have liked more input to how losing his father affected Hiccup in the ending monologue which seemed so epically happy, it weakened the death of a truly amazing character.

Drago is the Weakest Villain Yet:

Drago's reasoning for attacking everyone was weak at best. First he demanded to become the Chief of all Chieftains so he could "protect" everyone from the dragon threat. When they laughed him out of the room and he set everyone ablaze, he then wanted to eliminate the dragons, because they tore off his arm and messed up his life. However if dragons are gentle creatures, how did this happen? Did he go out of his way to kill these creatures? How does his iron arm work? Why did he take so long to exact revenge? And why bother killing the dragon riders if his whole plot was to destroy all the dragons? Was he just pissy everyone else enjoyed them, but him? I just don't understand what the deal is with this guy. He is creating a dragon army to destroy all dragons. That makes a lot of sense I guess.


Dragons, and Vikings and Alphas, Oh My!:

Eret makes the same face as Jon when he sees naked girls

You Know Nothing Jon Snow -

Eret is voiced by Kit Harington! That's right. Eret is Jon Snow! I'm surprised they didn't make him prettier.

Oh, You're Still Alive? - 

Eret son of Eret pops out of no where after a good long sequence of battle where I have no idea where he was that entire time. Cowering in a corner maybe? So when he popped up with the baby dragon flying scene I was like OH. I forgot about you. Right. I guess you are still alive. You know, because you are the typical bad guy who isn't so bad after all.

Toothless Takes Just Long Enough To Murder Hiccup's Dad - 

Saddest part of the movie, but Toothless did not need to stalk Hiccup to torch him. He was already under full control so he could have torched hm immediately. Surprisingly Dad looked great for some one who just got struck by an explosive blast. You would figure they would need to collect his limbs or at least have all of his hair singed off. He looked like he wasn't hurt at all. I know its a kids movie, but at least make him look extra crispy or something. The Night Fury has the most powerful blast of the dragons, you are telling me this man isn't even some what smoking after that?

Son,  I'm taking the house and your father's money after he dies

That's It? We Cool? - 

So Hiccup accepts mom's apology, check. Stoick accepts mom's apology, check. Well, that was easy. No fighting, shouting or awkwardness. It was like OH HEY you are still alive! This is great. Lets be a family again! OK! This is like a divorce child's wet dream. This rarely happens in real life. How could we not know how THAT reunion was going to end?  These guys were taking a page out of GRRM's books.





Is Ruffnut the Only Available Female in Berk? -

Seriously, where are the rest of the youth? Is Ruffnut the only choice these dudes have? Damn. She reminds me of a trashy goth girl. Go back to reading Anne Rice or something.

The Burial Kit, Never Leave Home Without It! - 

So I know a battle just went on, but it seemed the dudes did a great clean up before they left. Probably the best clean up I've seen since I've been to the French Quarter on a Friday night. So tell me again where did they get these bows and arrows? Where did they get the boat? Or the fire for that matter. I imagined they had nothing to make fire with at that point since no dragons. They may have gotten a small boat from a destroyed ship...maybe some bows and arrows from the ground. It didn't look like Drago's crew left much behind. I know they wanted to show a traditional viking burial, but seemed oddly convenient they had all the right tools for it.

This Battle Makes No Sense - 

Bow before my slave chained tusks! Or DIE!

Drago wants to attack the alpha to take control of the dragons. So he brings another big dragon to fight the Alpha and win dominance. So what are the ships and men there for? If there is a giant dragon hanging around, do we need that much "drawing out" power? Couldn't they have sent a few ships with some men, tossed some fire and rocks and crap and then started the fight? Did we need that much considering those ships could be more useful once their alpha achieves control? There seemed to be no strategy to this fight.

Also they HAD captured dragons. Why weren't they using them more to fight the other dragons from the Alpha? Also why weren't the other dragons that were controlled by the first alpha attacking the second alpha just like the second battle with the second alpha attacking Berk? The dragons were attacking all the ships when it literally didn't matter. I imagine the dragons could sense another larger dragon nearby, right? How could they not? They can track a human from hundreds of miles away, but they can't sense some big scary monster hiding under the water? Why didn't they all rally around the first alpha then?

Dad Dies and Everything is Good - 

I know its a children's story and this has to have a happy ending, but Hiccup just lost his Dad [strangely he was cool about losing his leg in the first movie too]. He took a really short time to get over that. Is Hiccup going to become an alcoholic? I think he's going to become an alcoholic.

Icky, sticky, lizard juice

If it Never Washes Out is Hiccup Forever Gross? -  

Hiccup keeps stating to Toothless his tongue slime never washes out. So is he disgusting or what? I'm surprised Astrid is still dating him. He must smell like dragon puke.

Hes 2O? REALLY? - 

I didn't realize Hiccup was at least 2O years old. That little stubble didn't have the aging effect that the producers wanted to have. And for a boy who came from such a brawny man, I'm thoroughly surprised how thin he is. Yeah, yeah, he takes after his mother. Still, can we give Hiccup some muscle please? I mean he does seem to be doing a lot of physical activity.

The Fat Dragons All Look Alike - 

Seriously...I thought Fishlegs and Gobber the Belch's dragons were the same type. Apparently not. They need to do a better job of distinguishing the fatter ones.

The Village of Berk is Still Alive and Well - 

I could have sworn Berk was gone. All of that ice should have destroyed everyone, but for some reason it didn't. I'm still not even sure why Dragon decided to go after Berk if he already had Alpha control he could have just taken all the dragons away, iced the place and traveled off. Its not like other placed were chieftainless from his first encounter with them.

Toothless Can Fly Without Hiccup? - 

I feel like he's doing it wrong...

It was stated in the first film Hiccup and Toothless are one being. Toothless can not fly properly without Hiccup's harness and directional switches due this tail being damaged. So how is Toothless flying solo and how was he flying with Drago and when he finally snapped out of his mind control..he just falls from the sky? I don't get it.

New Guy Switches Pretty Fast - 

So new guy, Eret son of Eret, is a dragon trapper and has no reason to switch over since Drago is a psycho. He could have saved his hide by bailing out of there as soon as he was able to escape. He didn't need to save the rest. The fact that he switched was...almost irrelevant. In fact, his character was kind of felt irrelevant in the entire breath of the story. He was totally overshadowed by the original characters. It seemed the only purpose he had was to take Skull Crusher and to cause tension between the two boys that were fighting over Ruffnut. If I were Hiccup, I would want to keep Skull Crusher for myself since that was my father's ride.

Drago is An Idiot - 

Why did he bother to let Hiccup touch his dragon, Toothless, while he was riding him. I know he thinks the Alpha's powers are absolute, but I wouldn't let Hiccup even get near Toothless to even reason with him. I would have just hit Hiccup with my stick and knocked him off his dragon.

Crazy Dragon Lady - 

I don't remember how established the elder lady was in the first movie, but she just popped up as the elder lady at the end making Hiccup Chief. That was totally odd considering she had literally no role in this film except the fact that she needs to be on hoarders.

So which quest do I get a chance to pick this one up?

Hiccup is a Nerd - 

Light saber? Really Hiccup? You built a light saber? WE can't even build a light saber. Damn it, I want a light saber!

Skyrim Mask - 

His mom is also a nerd...that mask is totally Skyrim material.

Drago is Cesar Millan and Daenerys Targaryen Rolled into One Character - 

Hookfang gives Drago his best shot and he doesn't even burn at all. Why? I mean he's a villain and stuff, but his cloak couldn't have made him impenetrable, could it? He's like the evil dragon whisperer with the Targeryen power of being immune to fire. Look into my eyes, I am calm and assertive! You will listen to me now dragon!

Dragon Surfing - 

This Was cool as shit to watch, but totally impossible. Way too much balance and keeping yourself up against the strength of the wind. Hiccup's mom has some mad skills as a dragon rider and to step from one dragon to another has got to be the most insane trick I've seen. I don't think the best acrobats in the world would even try this.

Alpha Drinks Coffee Off Screen While Waiting For His Cue - 

So while Hiccup tries to convince Drago to stop the violence. What is the Alpha doing? He's just standing around trying to find Hiccup's mom and dad in the mountain ice? Just freeze that bitch! They did such a good job letting the monsters interact while they chatted, but this was a fail point of the dragon's superior capabilities. It made no sense for him to wait for them to come out. These dragons have a superior sense of smell as was established by the story itself. He HAD to know where they were located.

Toothless Went Super Saiyan - 

I'll get you back Goku and your pet Vegeta too.

Did Toothless mature all of a sudden or what? Never seen the blue glow before. And now a Night Fury is challenging a monster alpha and winning. That's super insane. It seemed after the alpha's tusk broke, he just high tailed it out of there. I thought he had to kill the beast, but I guess the beast just didn't want to fight once he realized no one was controllable anymore.

So how many of these Alpha's exist? Will they ever come back to challenge Toothless now that he is King of the Dragons? Is Berk forever in danger? Guess we will find out in How to Train Your Dragon 3! Now with Hiccup's mom and maybe a little cup?

Fire All the Chieftains - 

If Hiccup's Dad was the only Chieftain to survive, what happened to the other towns? Did they pick new ones? Did they fall apart? Did they scatter into the winds? Did they try to take vengeance on Drago? Why didn't Stoick built an army afterward to take out Drago being the only escapee? He could have massed a huge force with all the towns desiring Drago's head for killing their leader. He had to know this was going to come back to him years later.

Great First Catch - 

Stoic snatches the mask from the water the first go, that was pretty incredible. In fact everyone in this film has an amazing ability to catch shit no matter what the situation. Including Toothless which always manages to catch Hiccup and protect him in a little ball while they crash into things.

Everyone Has Eagle Eyes - 

Everyone notices the smallest details and stuff from far away. How do they do that? I don't even notice this and I was REALLY looking. When the mother noticed that TINY ASS CUT on Hiccup's chin I was like WHAT THE HELL IS SHE LOOKING AT?! I need new prescriptions....

I gots my spines! I gots my spines!

Toothless Discovers a New Trick - 

Toothless was so happy to find his spines he wanted to try them out right away. That shit like made his day. I wonder if Toothless had a mother would she show him how to do this? Retractable spines to give him better turn? Is she saying this actually gives better aerodynamics? Really?

Animal Gesturing - 

The incredible thing about this movie is the animator's ability to mix common animal traits into the dragons. The bobbing head of a bird, the pawing of a cat, the fetching desires of a dog. Toothless acts the most like a cat and sometimes like a dog. While others like Astrid's dragon acts similar to a bird and sometimes a dog.

Drago's Army - 

Where did his army go after the first initial fight sequence between the alphas? Didn't he have a whole group of people with ships, weapons and what not? Did he kill them all? Did he send them home to protect the hide out? What's the deal here? Why weren't they invading Berk and stealing their sheep?

That Fish - 

Hiccup's mom just cuts up the fish and serves it like that? That's it? I thought they were going to let the dragons roast them for a second. I was surprised Gobber just popped the raw fish in his mouth.

Are you done yet?

So overall it was a great movie. Was it as good as the first? In some instances yes and in others no. It was not quite fresh or original as the first, but it still had a lot of laughs, action and great moments of heroism. The story was a bit cluttered than usual, but it did feel like a lot for just under 2 hours so you definitely get your money's worth. You get to see more variations of dragons and the best of all, explore the world outside of Berk. A great and interesting experience that is very similar in feel to the movie Avatar. All the ingredients for a good kids movie while not boring the adult in all of us. If you enjoyed the first one, you will be pleased with the second. And of course...if for no other reason to go...you should always go for dragons!

What did you think of the movie, How to Train Your Dragon 2? Was it as good as the original for you?

If you want more action, drama, suspense and cursing details, subscribe to my blog today!

DnD Rating: 9/1O

After Credits?: Nothing after the credits, sorry!

Edge of Tomorrow: Its like Groundhogs Day with Guns and Aliens!

Today is the day, just like yesterday and the day before that. This is the conundrum Major William Cage must go through begrundgingly in this sci-fi flick about a man who inherits the ability to reset time and "go back to his last save point." Based off of the japanese short novel, "All You Need is Kill," it relates closely to the theme of the story itself while diverging off in the middle to make its own conclusions.

 The 381st attempt on Rita's life

Down and Dirty:

This movie is very entertaining all the way up to the ending where it decides to confuse the shit out of you. The graphics were decent, but a bit strange on the alien life forms. They look like an angler fish meets a flying spaghetti monster meets a spastic rave party squid. The bad part is the driving force of why the alien life landed on Earth is mentioned, but never truly addressed.

There was no skimping on the action. If you are looking for lots of fighting and death, you will get more than your share of it. The interaction between Cage and Rita are great and you can feel Cage getting closer to her as he watches her horribly die hundreds of times throughout the film. I really enjoyed how they made you go through the trials with Cage, but not force you to relive it constantly, revealing new pieces of story with each successful trial to keep your interested. Probably the best part about the film is the music, very action packed with lots of horns and brass to bring in the strong thumping movement of war.

The Story:

This is a future not so distant from our own where aliens have invaded Earth and have embedded themselves all over Europe. The United Defense Forces are about to storm the beaches of Normandy just like their great ancestors in World War 2, however what they don't know is that there is a slaughter waiting for them on the other side. The enemy knows they are coming, they have been through this day before and they have succeeded in setting up their forces to effectively destroy the dominant life form known as humans. This clever movie chronicles Major Cage and his attempts to save the human race with Rita Vrastaski, AKA "Full Metal Bitch" or  "The Angel of Verdan," who happened to share that same power Cage inherited in the past.

Characters:

That's a nice stache Sergeant Farell

MSgt Farell - Bill Paxton is hilarious as the very chipper MSgt Farell. I didn't even recognize him, he looked so different. His demeanor feels very much like an Army sergeant, minus all the yelling. The cheekiness combined with his strict, by the book attitude really brought me back to some of my old training days. Most of the time I was giggling at his very confused face when Cage was always one step ahead of him. I couldn't stop laughing at him giving Cage the "eye" like "What are you up to, son?" I also liked how he used small talk to get Cage to go where he wanted him to go.

Intent to kill, again and again and again

Rita - She is the connection between Major Cage's issue and the rest of the world. Rita has experienced what Cage is going through in the past, therefore helps explain his condition and prods him into helping her finish what she started years back in the Battle of Verdan. Rita is a seasoned, decorated warrior with mad fighting skills and nerves of steel. She has no issues with dying and is the strong driving force in convincing Cage that the only way for humanity to survive is to kill the creature that started it. Rita also helps out by making sure Cage keeps his abilities by killing him each time he is wounded.

From terrified, helpless rabbit...

Cage - Major Cage starts out as a smart, but cowardly officer that has never been in combat in his life. Forced to go onto the front lines to film the fighting on the beaches, he refuses and then is arrested, stripped of his rank and tossed in with the other scum maggots going to war. While Cage is frightened of certain death, he manages to kill an Alpha that ends up transferring the Omega's abilities to Cage so he could reset the day.

To bad ass from hell...Cage bum rushes a mimic

When Cage begins to realize what is going on, he starts training with Rita. Becoming better and more seasoned as a fighter after each death, Cage becomes increasingly bold, strong and sometimes cold to the deaths around him. He starts caring about the one person who understands his problems, Rita and is forced to watch her die hundreds of times until he can kill the Omega. In the movie, we see Cage transform from a selfish, coward to a fearless warrior dedicated to finishing the mission and save mankind.

Don't mind me, I've only been working on this for years...

Dr. Carter - This man represents the information dump / tech dude that pieces the last part of the puzzle together for Cage to finish off the Omega. He tells him about how the Omega works as well as invents a cool device that can plug into the central nervous system of the Omega to find its true location. Dr. Carter is played by Noah Taylor. For those of you who are Game of Thrones fans, he is Locke, a bannerman of Lord Bolton. He is most famous for brutally chopping off Jaime Lannister's hand. It was super weird to see him as "nice guy scientist."


What Cage Should Have Reset:

This definitely looks like a first person shooter.

1. Flying Spaghetti Monsters/Zerg/Reavers/Black Ninja Starfish - 

Whatever these things were, they were insane. They reminded me of the reavers from Gears of War, moved like ninja star fish, rave pulsed when they were communicating and sounded like zerg when they were dying. I don't blame Cage for not wanting to get close to these things, they are scary as shit.





2. Air Traffic Control Must Be Going Berserk - 

At least 5O transporters rose in the air at once, a couple coming dangerously close to the control tower. This definitely must have drove the air traffic control people up the wall. I mean I know they were all supposed to attack at once, but isn't there another way besides air drops? Remember that branch called the Navy? Just stating the options people!

3. The Hiding Spot - 

If the Omega was actually in France, why did the chart of the infestation expansion start off in the middle of Europe? Seems weird, doesn't it? Did they just pop out of a hole in the middle of Switzerland or something? Wouldn't some one realize something crash landed in Paris, France...into the Louffe? How did this information not get reported?

4. How Did They Lose Him? -

How did nobody notice Cage roll out of formation? Even if J Squad were looking at the ground while doing push ups [which is not even a correct way to do one any way] you would figure they would have saw or felt movement when Cage rolled toward the truck. Right? Also why weren't people actively looking for Cage afterward? They could have put out a Code Red or something and he would have been snapped up immediately. Did they just not care as much that people disappeared? I know, I know...if that happened, he would never get to Rita. I'm just saying. The military isn't that incompetent.

Are you sure he is not a Lannister?

5. The General is a Total Dick to Cage -

Two times he tries to arrest and murder Cage. The first time he purposely throws him out there to the wolves and LIED on his transcripts and the second time he seemed like he is going to let him go and then alerts the guards so they can apprehend him outside the building. What the hell General! You are a two face asshole.

6. Card Eating - 

This activity still eludes me. Why are we eating the playing cards again? Seems like a great way to create blockage in your digestive track and die.

7. J Squad is Horribly Unstructured and Untrained - 

Not only are they incapable of putting on the same clothes for formation, but they put on clothes that are not even proper attire for PT. Long pants and jackets seem really hot for a run. Griff goes as far as wearing a flower shirt in formation. In fact nobody is in correct formation it seems. Some are wearing hats, some are wearing regular clothes, some have facial hair and all kinds of crap. Seriously people? Did they just sign up these fresh recruits pop them in a suit and pushed them out the door to die? It doesn't even sound like they even tried to train them to fight. This rag tag team of rejects are a horribly ineffective team thanks to the unsuperior training of the United Defense Forces. Also why can the other people in J Squad talk, but as soon as Cage says something, everyone is doing pushups?


8. J Squad is a Total Dick to Cage - 

Granted Cage was a complete coward, but you are going to purposely keep the safety on and not tell him where its at? Damn dude. At least give him a lesson or two! Letting some one die just to die seems pretty cruel considering you may need every soldier to fight for the fate of the world.

9. I Have What You Had - 

I thought this line was hysterical because it sounds like he got an STD or something. Hey Rita, I have what you had...THANKS FULL METAL BITCH FOR SHARING IN THE PAIN!

1O. Right Hand / Left Hand Traffic - 

France is a right-handed traffic country, but Rita is clearly British. Why didn't she had a more difficult time driving this car that was designed for right-handed traffic? Why didn't she attempt to go on the left hand side first before realizing to stay on the right?

11. Presentation Board - 

And....he happened to have a light table with everything hidden in an old room in a manufacturing facility because.....? That was overly convenient for no reason whatsoever. Was this his private room? Does he tinker with shit in there during breaks? Does both Rita and Dr. Carter get together at times to chit chat about the design of the Omega, Alphas and what not just in case some one like Cage comes along? It just seemed like a weird place to store such important data.

^^^ This should never happen. Suit batteries are cheap.

12. Armor Protection - 

Horrific. Who builds an exosuit with so many vulnerabilities and exposure? Its like they want nobody to survive. At the same time they build these things with FINITE battery life so if you run out of battery, just consider yourself dead because you won't have any protection, nor much fire power to survive. Also why did they put the battery in the back? If you can steal a battery off of a dead troop how are they going to get it back there? Was this thing built with stupid in mind or what? And why does fatso get more protection than the rest? He looked like a tanker for a MMORPG.

13. Drop planes - 

Who thought it was a brilliant idea to drop soldiers through suspended lines? Seriously? This was the United Defense Forces grand idea to get the soldiers to the battlefield? Hundreds of drop ships full of twenty soldiers each when they should be packing at least 5O to 1OO? That seemed horribly planned for a surprise invasion. You know even the Japanese in WW2 would try to knock down planes and then collect the assholes parachuting down afterward. Why is nobody TLAMing the shit out of Europe first?

14. Old Clinton - 

There is a press coverage shot of Hilary Clinton in the beginning of the film. How old is Hilary Clinton when this happens? It seems like it could happen next year and some how we would quickly adapt and survive. Seeing a video of Clinton made me wonder, would we unite that quickly to fight a common threat? Some how I feel the answer is no.

15. Cloud's Sword of Justice - 

Anyone realize that massive cleaver Rita was holding looked super familiar? It looks like a very similar replica of Cloud's buster sword from Final Fantasy 7. Some how I don't think that was an accident, perhaps a nod to the story's Japanese roots? I wonder why MORE soldiers didn't have a cleaver of their own considering that its a very reusable and cost effective weapon. Its like the sword from Pacific Rim...why not use that shit in the beginning and not when all else fails?

16. Suit Building - 

The battle suits look like some pretty advanced shit and need consistent, top notch manufacturing to put more doomed soldiers in. But why allow people to build the suits? With all the automation going on today, you are telling me they can't program a machine to build these things through an assembly line? And who gets the battle tank version compared to the regular kind? A factory machine would build hoards of these much faster than any set of humans in existence. And they complain less too.

17. Swimming Deep Below - 

Squishy Squishy Squishy Squishy...

There is no effing way Major Cage could swim that fast toward the Omega at the bottom. The force pushing against him would tire him out quickly. Cage would drown before he reached the bottom.

18. Helmets - 

WHY IS NO ONE USING THEIR DAMN HELMETS? At least he made the cute remark it slows him down. I will give him that one. But damn dude, get some protection.

19. Hat in formation - 

I know they needed a fast distinction marker to identify Cage, but he is literally the only shit bag in formation wearing a hat besides MSgt Farell.

2O. Bionic Man Syndrome - 

This problem exists in every action movie ever. Cage survives several rib cracking, back breaking falls even though this was his last chance on Super Nintendo Hard Mode with no do overs. He also gets dragged by a plane through the concrete and water, gets tossed several yards, down a shaft, hits a piece of concrete and drops onto a car. Then STILL saves Rita chick from dying from a slab of concrete. Insane.

21. Nobody Remembers Cage - 

Remember in the beginning how there were like 3O people just chilling in the room in front of the Generals office? How did Cage and Rita walk right in? With a GUN at that? There was no metal detector in a federal building holding a high position officer? REALLY? There seemed like at least 35 armed guards just patrolling around that place out of boredom. You are saying no one recognized Cage or even stopped him from walking into the UDF Commander's office? I don't care how good he is, that's a path that is impossible to not get past without being spotted. What about his secretary? Aren't secretaries always near or next to a commanding officer's office doors? You couldn't get past them without them giving you the stink eye.

Rita and her Squad of well armored thugs

22. Rita Has Super Bitch Balls of Steel - 

Not only does she sock some dude in the face just because he was being a little shit, she owns her name "Full Metal Bitch" and hacks every murderous, invertebrate on the battlefield, refuses to play it safe like a woman and take the back seat, then demands an answer from an Officer because he disturbed her sexy yoga session. Rita...I salute you. You are my new favorite girl crush.




23. Exosuit Guy - 

And while Rita and Cage make their get away from the General's office there is a guy in an exosuit just hanging around WHY? Every guard in that building is wearing a regular uniform and this exosuit guy just happens to be walking around [or maybe trying to run away from battle?] and stops an on coming car with his suit. Its a cool shot, but this makes no sense.

24. Power Stealing Theory - 

If Cage stole their power, how did the Omega know he was coming at the end? There were quite a lot of mimics just hanging around and the Omega still has the ability to make a mistake because it never lived the day. Also if the Alpha was out for Cage's blood, why wouldn't he get it after Cage drowned? Cage kills the Alpha and the blood transfers onto him, Alpha rips Cage a new one and drowns him and.....Cage still gets to keep his abilities?

Also why would these Alphas need to exist? If this was the Omega's one weakness, why have them in the first place? What can the Alpha do that the other minions could not? They stated the mimics were the claws and the Alpha's were the nervous system. Besides killing them transfers their power, are they useful for anything else?

Last, if the power is to reset the day, why did Cage reset it 2 days prior after killing the Omega? How long has the Omega been there before the events of Cage going to Europe? Shouldn't this have reset the day the Omega came to the planet?

25. Kimmel [the fat recruit] Had a Bear on His Chest - 
Did anyone notice this? He has a teddy bear strapped to his chest. Now I wonder if Kimmel has a son/daughter and the aliens just murdered their father.

26. Old Fart - 

Is it me or is Tom Cruise REALLY looking old in this movie? It's as if time finally caught up to him and now he is forced to accept that he no longer can continue playing a young action hero. He's got super bags under his eyes and some sagging going on. No make up in the world could cover up the reality of Cruise's ungraceful aging. Not that its necessarily a bad thing. Everyone has to get old at some point. I just thought he was immortal, that's all. I wonder if Scientology can fix this problem...



So overall the movie was good. Did it have its flaws? A few. However it had a lot of really great moments and good fluidity of action. I was VERY impressed by the editing done on this film. They kept it to the point and easy to follow as Cage navigates through his nightmare of reliving the same day over and over again. The characters were interesting and the story gave a strong Groundhog's day / Starship Troopers feel to it that made it both entertaining and strong as a story.

What did you like about Edge of Tommorrow? Did you agree with the review or am I full of it? COMMENT and let the SHIT TALKING BEGIN!

Love to read some movie smack down? Subscribe to my blog today! Its as simple as following or adding your email to my super awesome email app. Become part of the fan list and GET DIRTY EMAILS!

DnD Rating: 9/1O

After Credits? Nope, just walk out.

X-Men: Days of Future Past - HORRAY, X-Men 3 Never Happened!

In one epic two hour movie, the vile fetus child of Brett Ratner's abomination, X-Men 3: The Last Stand, is finally erased from the timeline forever! Also X-Men 2...because Jean and Scott are still alive. Yay for movie time traveling! Righting all the wrongs in the fictional universe so that fans can finally wash out the bad taste in their mouths. This gem of a movie brought back its all star cast, every single one of them, both new and old to make an outstanding change in the timeline. I think we are back on track, ladies and gentlemen!

When time slows, the fun begins

Down and Dirty:

What can I say? This movie was well done. It was complicated, but not convoluted. Between past and present, it was easy to follow each piece of the timeline and their effects on each other.

The rules were generally clean cut in the explanation of consciousness time traveling. As for the special effects, they were barely passable and weren't realistic enough to be believable at times. Overall a pretty entertaining movie with a good mix of drama and humor. It doesn't take itself too seriously, but lovely references all the other movies in the cineverse at the same time.



Story: 

Probably the best part about the movie. The story was very strong, easy to follow and fun to watch.
Even though Bishop was replaced as the one to go back in time, Bryan Singer knew we barely know Bishop nor his struggles. However Wolverine is very familiar and we all love that guy. So off he goes into the time space continuum to warn the others of impending doom. Sentinels that can adapt to ever mutant power and destroy them all.

Beast. Wolverine. Make it so.

Logan is definitely our star as he becomes the main protagonist that goes back in time to save the world. And the funny part is he has to be patient with a very stubborn, emotional, slackjaw younger version of Professor X that is pissed at the world. But I think the most interesting part of all was how much mixing of real history they pushed into the story. The unfortunate part is they didn't choose to do anything obscure [because we all know how well the American public actually knows their history], but still delightfully done none the less.

CGI:

The effects were rather corny. I don't know who they hire to do the graphics for these movies, but Fox must keep selecting the lowest price package possible because the effects are cheaply done. The worst example were the pieces of rail road that was pulled off and shredded into smaller pieces to embed into the robots. That was just awful. They didn't even try to make it realistic. The sentinels also looked like they copied the models straight off of the Protoss race from Star Craft. At least the blackbird doesn't look too bad and Blink's portal effects are pretty cool too. I really wish they colored one blue and the other orange. That would have been such an awesome nod to the game, Portal.

New Characters:

We really didn't get to know some of the new characters, but here is what I understand:

Blink - I love her abilities, the portal capability is very useful for the other characters to play off of in a fight. I like her look, its got an almost cyberpunk like look. However we barely got to understand her personality. So I don't know much about her.

Bishop - Seemed like a pretty cool dude and his energy absorption to fire up his weapon and capabilities is nice. Bishop is the first to go through Kitty's mind time effects so he can warn the mutants in the past against the Sentinel strike. Bishop seems like a leader.

Sunspot - All I know is he sets himself on fire and....yeah. How does he keep his hair?

Warpath - I still don't get him. By the way...this dude's real name is Booboo and he was in Twilight. Nough said.








 

Quicksilver - FINALLY we get to know a character a bit more than watching them die two different times. Quicksilver is by far, the most fun to follow. I love the slow motion scene where he is moving through the room playing jokes on his attackers while saving his group from certain doom. Quicksilver is presented as a smart ass and trouble maker that seems to feel he is above the law. Of course with his abilities, I can't blame him. You can't arrest what you can't catch. Quicksilver has a great personality and seems eager to please and learn when guided in the right direction. I would definitely like to see more of him in the future.






The Future is NOW: [A collection of thoughts]

The Fastest Boy Alive - 

How old does Magneto have to be in this movie to have a 16 year old brat named Quicksilver? Supposedly Magneto was born in the 193Os...so I guess by the time 1973 rolls around he is what...3O to 4O something years old? Holy moly. He looks in the movie as if he could have been in his early 3Os. Something is off here.

Detection Error - 

Four perfectly good mutants were right in front of these behemoths and who do they detect? Magneto holding up the thunder dome in the sky. So Bolivar...you say they never make a mistake? There is pretty strong confidence in that assumption. You are just as good as Justin Hammer with his drones. Did Ivan Vanko work on your bots too?

How does this thing seriously detect X-genes?

Baby Monitors - 

So the robots have these devices in them that detect the mutant X gene and they REALLY look like baby monitors. I was waiting for a baby's cry to emit from the speaker side of the detector. SENTINELS, there to protect your babies...from evil mutants and soothe them with bottles.

Ice Ice Baby - 

Was it REALLY necessary for bobby to turn his body into ice? It looks cool, I'll give him that, but unless you are a glacier, ice shatters pretty easily. I wouldn't have bothered to do that knowing these Sentinels are pretty ruthless.

Magneto Just Turns Them On - 

So now Magneto can turn on and control these robots? I thought the metal splitting was merely to control the bots physically and not through command and control. Yeah...this was a little far fetch'd for my taste.

Casual Cops to the Rescue - 

I know good ol Pietro, AKA Quicksilver was a trouble maker, but did his mom seriously think Logan and the gang were cops? Did cops just wore whatever they wanted in the 7Os?

I feel like she is really trying to become the last airbender

Blink is also Psychic - 

I know Blink needs to anticipate wherever she is portaling, but how did she know Kitty and Bishop were in trouble on the opposite side of the building so she can portal in to save the day? And how can she just portal without being in the area?

Amazon Delivery Drop - 

I know this was the final arc of the storyline, but why did Trask felt he needed to send a shit ton of sentinels to kill Magneto, Xavier and the last of the mutant stand? It seemed from the first fight just 3 sentinels could take them all down with ease. Even when the carriers exploded, they still had 2O more climbing the walls.

Enslavement - 

I know mutants are the spooky scary us against them scenario, but how does anyone believe enslavement is OK for even mutant children? Oh right...Japanese internment camps. Never mind.

Do me a favor, Pod. Be a good lad and fetch me some wine.

Trask Gives Almost No Viable Explanation of His Hatred for Mutants - 

If Trask didn't hate mutants that much, why was he so bent on eliminating them all? It seemed he had a successful business already set up. Was mutant terror, a problem that never seemed to be a big deal before, something he just needed to eliminate? Was he bored? And why can't I help, but keep thinking he is Tyrion and I need to feel sorry for him? Trask didn't seem like such a bad dude or much of a villain compared to his counterpart, Major Striker.

Drugs Are Awesome! - 

Xavier sure loves his drugs...until its convinient to the plot. Gosh. Who knew a pep talk was the solution to cure drug addiction? Damn. Why doesn't EVERYONE just do that? And man, Beast is an enabler. Grow a spine, Beast.

So Original -

Nothing says 197O like a lava lamp. Gosh, you couldn't think of anything more nostalgic? It is literally the first thing that comes into view when Logan wakes up. Its like we can't get away from these things being in every scene of every movie made about the 7Os. Its like....that is the only thing everyone remembers because they were all high as a kite.

"The Crow" Wannabe Has Some Constipation Issues

Warpath is Useless - 

Hi I'm an Indian and I can sense shit from far away. That is my only power, but after being a glorified scout, I'm pretty useless as a fighter. But check out my MENACING MEAN FACE! GRRR! Are you intimidated now?

Warpath: "Oh! Oh! Hey guys I see something!"

Sentinels: ROAR. DEATH AND TAXES!

*Everyone gets killed*

Warpath: "Hey...guys? Guys? Am I the only one alive? Oh shit."





 Hank's Doohickey - 

I'm pretty sure if the guards saw his device, they probably wouldn't let him keep it on the tour. What was his explanation? Oh sorry officer, this is just the remote control for my TV set. I sure love Howdy Doody.

No Forks For You - 

Seriously... where are the utensils? Not even a spork? How was Magneto supposed to eat his food? And why were they keeping him below one of the most important military/political structures in DC? You figured he would be far far away from anyone important in a special prison some where on an island where he could never escape.

Kirk just discovered Priceline.com went out of business

Star Trek References Current Situation - 

Not only was this scene emphasizing how geeky Beast was, the movie also takes the time to play a Star Trek episode that TOTALLY references the current issue. This episode came from the original Star Trek series and its called "The Naked Time."


Major Striker is the Worst Body Guard Ever - 

This guy is supposed to protect Trask and instead he just keeps screwing up. He can't even save his troops in Vietnam from an unarmed woman. When they caught Raven in the meeting room, why didnt he shoot through the table? I know hes an officer and they dont like to get their hands dirty but seriously....why does he suck so bad? Was that the first time he ever held a gun? Geez. No wonder they put you in special programs. They probably didn't want you to get them killed on the battlefield.

Kitty Scratch - 

You just got scratched...omg...what are you taking? blood thinners? How can you leak that much blood to the point that you are losing too much of it? Why couldnt they tear a piece off of magnetos cloak to stop her from bleeding? Its not like hes going to use it anyway.

You Make Me Sick - 

Haha...Silly Mutant, your power makes everyone puke. LOL. Lame.

^ Not Scarlett Witch. Peter's mom is cheating on Magneto

Quicksilver's Sister -

And where is Scarlett Witch?? His twin sister never shows up or even gets referenced in the movie, so I assume they were separated at birth for whatever reason. Man, Peter's mom is a dick to her own daughter AND she keeps the next one to add salt to the wound. This woman clearly couldn't handle two abnormal children wrecking her life. Time to pop a bastard with a NORMAL man.

Porcupine Kid - 

How did this kid get through MEPS without being eliminated from the facility? Oh son...you look like you got into a fight with a thorn bush. You got your balls? Good. Good enough to fight in nam. NEXT!!!

Kitty Power Change - 

Now Kitty has the power to do mind melding, past/present shit. So how did this second genetic mutation happen again? And what would they do if she couldn't do that? I mean...we wouldn't haven this movie, that's for sure.

This is her "I'm going to put a foot up your ass" look

Ravens Clothes - 

So Raven can morph herself and her clothes....but she couldn't do that with the mink coat she was wearing? Why is she allowed to morph her clothes too? So does that mean she is always technically naked if her clothes are part of her skin transformation?

Logan Lights One Up - 

In the shitiest of times you can always count on Logan to light up a cigar casually right before all hell breaks loose.

Double Nixon - 

When Raven turned into Nixon, I swear some one was going to mess it up by saying....HEY...you aren't the President! I am really shocked that 3O different people kept their mouths shut like a pro.

Blink is Asian? -

Blink is now Asian folks....she no longer looks link P!nk, she looks more like an anime character. I guess they needed a token Asian in this one or my peoples were going to through a fit.

Raven's Foot Choke - 

She choked out that dude with her foot! Daaammmn. That's hot.


So overall this was a great movie and really brings back the spirit of what the X-men are all about. Bryan Singer is just amazing at making these movies. FOX, please make him do all of them! If you love stories about time traveling, mutants, and post-apocalyptic doom, then you will be in love with this movie. The script is on target, clings onto you and never lets you go all the way til the end. Of course we all knew it would end well, but it definitely left an impression. Enjoy!

What did you think of the new X-Men movie? Loved it or hated it? Tell us why in the comments below!

You want more of this? Sign up for the email list today and catch this in your inbox!

DnD Rating: 9.5/1O

After Credits Teaser?: YES! After the credits are complete, you will get to see a glimpse of the upcoming storyline: Age of Apocalypse. Why do I tell you this? Because I'm a 1OO% sure that if you aren't a big comic fan you would have no clue what that ending meant [I didn't]. For those of you who want to read more into it here is a great link explaining the after credit scene: ‘X-Men: Days of Future Past’ End Credits Scene Explained