The Legos Movie - The Quirky Movie that Makes Everything Awesome

The Legos Movie advertised last year at Comic Con and for some reason I thought they were kidding. Legos is a big attraction every year, building life size lego creations like Lego Hulk, Lego Ninja Turtles, Lego Ironman and more. So naturally, any idea I think is ridiculous gets magically tucked away into oblivion.

Then it happened. It came to the theaters and my friend James squeals "You must see this movie!" And I put it on my "To Do List into Oblivion," which means I will get to it whenever my apartment sets on fire. Well luckily my apartment didn't get set on fire, but I was invited to go see it with another friend who was interested. So here I was sitting in the theater thinking, OK, this can only be minorly good, but it did get a good rating so I expect decent. Maybe terrible, but stupid funny. Or maybe horrible. Horrible sounds correct.

Nobody pisses Batman off, not even you Reptar

First Impressions:

So after watching the movie, my conclusion was it wasn't bad. Its quirky, light-hearted, playful, and cute. I enjoy watching animations that delve into different worlds and witnessing what the world's "biggest fears" are. In Toy Story it was the fear of being forgotten or no longer the child's favorite toy, in Monster's Inc it was a child accidentally following you back into the monster world, in Wreck-it Ralph it was being shut down forever.

The Legos movie was no different. Their greatest fear was called "The Kragle" which was a play on "Krazy Glue" with some of the words missing from old use. But there is more to it, even though I thought the story was way too close to formula standards and all the jokes were obvious, the morals of the story were great overall. It talked about how everyone was the special if you believed it and that you can create anything [which is a big Legos marketing theme...and ploy to sell more over priced legos if you ask me].

The Story:

Obviously some one farted...guess who?

The story is about an ordinary plain Lego workman named Emmet who tries to fit in as much as he can into the very orderly world he lives in. However one day he ends up falling down a hole in the construction site and survives with a lego piece now attached to his back. From there everyone hilariously mistakens him as "The Special" or "Master Builder." So Emmet goes from scene to scene with Wyldstyle and the wise one, Vitruvius as they try to gather a team of Master Builders to stop the evil President Business from unleashing "The Kragle." The best part is even though they play on Emmet's boringness and horrible ideas, they actually become useful in times of crisis. Including a double decker couch that ends up surviving the destruction of the underwater vehicle they built. Its this wonderful playful poking of Emmet's unspecial like qualities is what makes the movie great among the very random backgrounds and situations they encounter together.

Characters:

Doesn't this scene just scream "Merica?"

If you are really into legos or internet/pop culture in general you will be very happy to see a plethora of different characters. There is Lego Batman, probably the most awesome lego of all that pretty much does all the leg work with his inventions and cunningness. You also have Unikitty, a lego cat/unicorn character that reminds me a LOT of a mix of new style My Little Pony and the Nyan Nyan Cat.

There is also a pirate lego man whose body is made of various parts, a spaceship lego man named Benny [who is dying to build a spaceship], Wyldstyle which is a Matrix like character, Vitruvius which is like Gandalf, but there IS a Gandalf and Dumbledore in the movie [which makes it more funny and confusing]. You also have Lincoln, Han Solo and Chewie, The Statue of Liberty, Michelangelo [the turtle], Robots, Superman, etc. The list truly is infinite in this story. Its great to see the whole lego universe get mentioned without playing too far into each one.

Animation:

The animation was a mix of stop motion and 3D animation that for the most part was seamless with each other. The stop motion though was very obvious when they did it because it was considerably choppy, giving the Legos even more of a toy feeling than before. Sometimes the choppiness can be distracting and I'm still curious why they chose to mix the two instead of do one or the other. I don't mind stop motion animation [I loved Wallace and Grommet and the Nightmare Before Christmas after all], but I am curious why they decided certain scenes even needed it while others did not.

What I wanted to destroy in Lego Land:

This is the military's new slogan during the budget crisis

1. Everything is Awesome:

Geez. This song truly rivals "Its a small world" in annoyance. Stupid song gets stuck in my head whenever I think about it. Its the easiest lyrics on the planet to remember and has this sweet, poppy, bubble gummy tune makes me want to punch babies. GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD! GET IT OUT NOW!

2. Mid-Air Building:

I know the movie plays a lot on fantasy building on the fly. That's fine. But seriously...it gets old when people are falling to their doom and have the capability to build in mid-air to save themselves. I mean...come on, there has to be a limit to that!

3. Building and Destroying:

What was the point of this world where they would build all day and destroy a bunch of shit? Half of the beginning was smashing buildings and building stuff. I thought this was supposed to be orderly building? Did I get this confused? I still don't understand what the hell was going on in that beginning montage besides that stupid "Everything is Awesome" song playing and everyone dancing while working. Damn you legos.

4. Short Man Complex:

President Business had REALLY OBVIOUS short man complex with those giant stilt boots. He
also has a large dose of OCD and anal retentiveness. You got other issues we need to know about, Mr. Crazy?

AND YOU SHALL BRING ME A SHRUBBERY!

5. Think Tank - Unexplained:
I'm really curious how the Think Tank works. With all of these master builders everywhere you would think the whole room would be total freaken chaos. Instead the room is created to use their imagination power to create instructions for the brainless citizens out there. So how does the Think Tank create chaos into order? THAT is the bigger mystery here...not how to defeat President Business and the Kragle.

6. The Kid Built What?:

Without going too far into it...there was a LOT of stuff that was built in this movie and the height requirement didn't match. Lets just say that. Plus....he built some complicated shit. Just saying. Kids talented as crap. Glad some one recognized it toward the end.

7. Punchlines:

I know, I know. I am being picky, but I was very sensitive to how formula like the punchlines were. It was almost like clockwork and so obvious I couldn't help, but sigh a lot of times. There is not a lot of originality with the puns in the Legos movie. I wish the creators dug just a WEE bit deeper on making this more just funny to the specific product than play off of fifty other character universes. You know what I mean? Its hard to explain, but there was an edge missing that could have made it that much better.


So in essence, I say this movie is worth taking the kids to and even the girlfriend/wife [she might smile a little too]. Its clean, funny, quick paced and enjoyable for everyone. And if she complains, just tell her, "What are you talking about? EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!" Then start break dancing horribly in front of her and everything will be good.

What did you think of the Legos Movie? Comment Below!

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DnD Rating: 8/1O

After Movie Cool Shit? No. However there are some neat animations during the beginning credits.

Robocop: In the future...Iraq will happily welcome their Future Military Robot Overlords!

Saturday night, despite my slight hesitation, I saw Robocop because damn it, I was curious! There has been a slew of 8Os movies popping up the past few years as fan boys and girls line up at the theaters for a glimpse of their favorite nostalgia. I loved what they did with the Judge Dredd remake and I hated the Total Recall one. So it was a toss up of how they were going to handle Robocop considering its a corny, futuristic movie in the first place.

Preconceived Thoughts:

Coming into this film, I was blinded by all the bad press and pre-bad press it was getting. The original Robocop was rated R, this new Robocop is rated PG-13. Now I am not sure how far standards have shifted from the late 8Os til now, but PG-13 is whack for a movie like this. A lot of people bitched and moaned about literally anything and everything about this film. To me it was risky, but I was still interested in checking it out.

First Impressions:

We invade other countries so the military can eat bon bons

In general I enjoyed it. I would say its a good "entertainment" flick. Taking it at face value it was good enough to be OK, but it definitely was not as good as Judge Dredd. There is a lot of muddled story work in-between Alex's transformation and his freedom.

I was really excited about the all-star cast behind the literal nobody that was fronting Alex Murphy's Robocop. Michael Keaton, Gary Oldman, and Samuel L Jackson [because Samuel L Jackson makes every movie better...]. All amazing actors. I was particularly giddy about Gary Oldman, because he was a surprise for me. The action was not too bad, but the blood flow was to a minimum [except the graphic photos of the injured].

The music had a strong 8Os cop music/crime show feel with lots of brass and we even got to hear Focus's Hocus Pocus in a fight scene. The only bummer was that the new Robocop really didn't pay much homage to the original Robocop. I know its a remake and its trying to stay away from the *wink winks* moments, but it would have been more entertaining if it made that connection for us.

Dialogue:

The dialogue, was average at best. Most of the good lines went to Michael Keaton, Samuel L Jackson and the PR guy in the film. Everything else was relatively not note worthy. Even Alex was a very boring guy to hang onto as your main character. Thank God the story had ADD....

Who do we fake care about next?

Story Flow:

This was definitely a story that had no real focus anywhere. The main vein was "cop almost gets murdered, cop gets revived into super cop, super cop goes after bad guy who tried to kill him, super cop succeeds." However the story was completely everywhere on who it wanted to focus on.

The story is about Alex...which is the most boring central character to date. However the story bounces between Alex, his wife, Dr. Norton, Raymond Sellars, etc etc. Then, when it bounces around, the flow starts losing its continuity. Too many jumps forces the viewer to keep up with all the details and makes it difficult to it to connect with anyone.

Emotions:

This film had mixed feelings on how it wanted to portray itself. Robocop was satire and I feel they were trying to go for the satire, but decided to also incorporate some seriousness too. Which was....silly to say the least. The satire was fine by itself, however putting in real emotions about his son and his wife? meh. It was a distraction even though the writers tried to push it to become the motivator for him overriding the system. Its all in how you sell it.

Action:

COWABUNGA!!! Off the second floor.

Plenty of action in this movie, however all of it is done in first person shooter mode. Even the best scene beside the take down of the ED-2O9s was in the dark..blah. I guess that is how they got away with the PG-13 rating. Not a lot of blood and most of the swearing was at the end where Samuel L Jackson goes ape shit [But its bleeped out, blah].

It is cool however to watch the fight through Murphey's visor and experience the battle with him. Other than that, some of the fights were a little outrageous, including the fights with the ED-2O9s. I was a little disappointed though that they didn't make the ED-2O9 fall down the stairs and squeal like a pig.

The Suit:

That's top grade Fists of Justice you are wielding

Loved the new suit design. The slick black makes him look menacing and stealthy while the red visor makes the helmet look very futuristic. I loved how he was connected to every news piece that came in and the entire police database, along with facial recognition built in. Also the best thing yet was Robocop still used a gun and a taser which made him stood apart from any other cyborg/exoskeleton future films to come. The old school shooting is what makes this movie great and I'm glad they kept that instead of upgraded him into almost an Iron Man look alike.







Where I got Cyber Punk'd:
  

In the future, Blacks are the new Rethugs

1.  Samuel L Jackson's Oversize Suit Coat - 

That dude needs a new tailor, bad. Hes literally shrinking in the coat that is barely held together with one button. Its purely comical with the terrible hair.

2. I can see your liver! - 

There is a scene where Alex Murphy sees what he really is....basically a brain, face, trachea and a few organs to keep him alive. Literally no body. Its the creepiest, squeamish-inducing scene ever. I don't blame Alex for wanting to die. I think I would have felt the same....how horrifying. But man...the graphics were amazing. Very impressed with how well they created the movement of the organs. Still creepy though.

3. Alex's Haunted Car - 

There is a scene where Alex hears his car's alarm go off while he is trying to make sexy time with his wife. He then goes outside to investigate. He can't seem to make the fob work to shut off the honking. So he walks up to the car, opens the door and BOOM! I know something has to happen to get Alex into a vulnerable position to become Robocop, but holy shit...how the hell did these guys rig the car like that? And at the perfect moment? They just tagged a bomb on his car...there is no way the bomb had remote access to the car's alarm system too. So what gives?

No wonder he doesn't have a wife....

4. Creepy Ass Dali Painting? - 

What the heck did Sellars have in his office? There is like blood, and a man with a phallus inside him and some creepy dude with big feet. The painting series in the background is creepy as shit and whoever did this has issues. ISSUES, man!


5. Rice Paddys and Gasoline - 

So Omnicorp is a global corporation. Cool, got it. They have factory plants in China. OK, makes sense. And they also farm rice right outside the factory. Say what? I didn't understand why the rice paddies were so close to the factory considering that is a major food source and well, factories are not know to be the cleanest places in the world. Could the writers not think of anything more stereotypical Asian than a rice paddy right outside of an Omnicorp factory? Wasn't the Chinese writing on the walls and the Chinese people yelling in Chinese good enough for the audience? Did we need this cherry on top moment of rice paddies and hard-working, female Chinese farmers picking rice too?

6. The Red Wings Games - 

When Alex returns home as Robocop, his son says he taped and saved all the red wings games so he could watch them with his daddy. Well daddy blows him off and says another time pal, I cant stay. Yet we NEVER get to see the full circle of Alex finally sitting down and watching a game with his little boy. Or even a mention of it at the end of the film. Its like the film abandoned it....LIKE ALEX ABANDONS HIS SON. Damn foreshadowing....

Shortest villain...ever

7. Chief of Deception - 

So the Chief of Police was TRYING TO KILL HIM ALL ALONG! Holy shit. That was totally....shocker moment. There was no real set up for that at all. As many people as you follow in this film, you can't tell me you didn't have any time to set that up at least a little bit more? How did Alex jump to that conclusion in the first place? It just seemed a little random for my tastes.

8. I AM BATMAN - 

Did anyone really, really wanted Michael Keaton to say "I AM BATMAN" as he stared out the window of his office? I did.

9. 5O Calibur and Up -

The bad guy boss tells his entire grew to pick up guns 5O calibur and up. Apparently nobody was listening because in a room of twenty something guys and one Robocop, you would figure a few guys would have killed him ten times over. All they did was bust Murphy's visor. Hardly a scratch was made. Come on people! I really hate it when the bad guy misses all the time unless its important to the plot, while the good guy pops a few shots and he's a sharp shooter.

Omnicorp Security - We get paid to only look menacing

1O. Where Did that Bike Come From?

Apparently Robocop comes with a matching set motorcycle. That's great and all, but WE didn't get introduced to the bike. I know the bike doesn't do anything important except the fact that Alex doesn't gas it up once the entire film. However....that was a BIG jump from Robocop to BIKE riding Robocop.

11. What do I pay you for? -

That guard that was supposed to protect Mr. Sellars? Yeah, screw that guy. That guy didn't do a damn thing to protect him. He had a rifle in his hand and didn't do shit against Murphy. As soon as Mr. Sellars died, he literally walked away!!! Wow...great job there, Spot. Actually..this happens a few times in the movie. Including one scene where Alex shoots a dude and all 2O security guards bail out of the scene. What shitty henchman.

12. Dead Boss - 

Who took over Omnicorp after Raymond Sellars died? Was there a Vice President? And how did Norton still get the funds even though Raymond was dead? This all seems too convenient of a hit job. Maybe...just maybe...Dr. Norton was responsible for the death of Raymond Sellars. MAYBE...the real villain here is Dr. Norton. DUN DUN DUN!!!!

13. Alex's Poor Wife - 

Is there a sexy time model of Alex she can play with? I mean seriously...girl has needs.

Overall, not as bad as I expected and fairly entertaining. Probably better as a rental though for a Friday/Saturday night, but still worth taking a look. Its funny, action oriented, and sometimes a little bizarre. Great cast, decent music and a good update to a classic 8Os movie.

So I leave you with Focus's Hocus Pocus....because its clearly the most bad ass song in the movie:

What did you think of the remake of Robocop? Comment below!

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DnD Rating: 7/1O

After Credits: Nope. Nothing to see....just leave.

Dracula - The American Hippy Bloodsucker that Brings London to its Knees [ SUPER SPOILERS]

So this past weekend, I was hunting for a new show to get hooked on while waiting for The Walking Dead, Once Upon a Time, and Game of Thrones to come back. Even though I have How I Met Your Mother, their short episodes are not cutting it with my addiction for story and therefore I've been throwing quite the temperamental fit lately due to withdrawal.

Crosses are so retro Dr. Van Helsing...

Enter Dracula, a new series from NBC that came out this past year. I had seen the advertisements at Comic Con and had quickly forgotten about it afterward since I don't have cable. However I was lucky enough to find all ten episodes on Hulu. Mind you, it is RARE to find an entire season free on Hulu, so this one has to suck. The advertisers are probably dieing for fans. Maybe. At least those were my initial thoughts.

Although I discovered its not as bad as one might think. If you are a Dracula fanatic, you would be highly disappointed in this series. It is not only just another retelling, but it strays far off the beaten path. The only resemblance is simply the names, the vampire and the Order of the Dragon. But if you are more the adventurous type [or you are simply just an average vampire fan], its actually quite fun to watch.

Johnathan Rhys Meyers stars as Dracula/Alexander Grayson [Joy!]. We all know about his fabulous acting as King Henry VIII in the Tudors. Johnathan has a flair for the dramatic and he does a fine job as the mysterious, sophisticated Grayson. Alongside him is his tall and dominating servant, Renfield who is considerably well spoken and educated for the times. As well as Abraham Van Helsing, a sworn enemy in many adaptions, now his ally if not for the short term.

The moment Harker realizes he is not getting married...

But there is more, a hungry journalist, Johnathan Harker who is trying trying to claw his way up the ladder [and we all know him as the protagonist of Bram Stoker's novel]. He is paired with Miss Mina Murry who is trying to become a female doctor. By her side is her friend Lucy, a seemingly over-involved friend who we later find out is in love with Mina and tries to get closer to her.

There are many other characters, mainly those who run the Order of the Dragon that Dracula is trying to destroy. The most important would be the huntsman [I have no idea why they don't call her huntress] Lady Jayne who is sworn to hunt and destroy any vampires that stalk the streets of London. She plays a dangerous game when she acquaints herself with Mr. Grayson without really knowing who he really is. It takes a while before she figures out Mr. Grayson's identity, but we never truly know until the end.

Acting/Character Dynamics:

Sing it!:  People let me tell you bout my best friend...

Superb on most fronts. I would say that Johnathan Rhys Meyers is significantly more interesting to watch than anyone on screen. The cast is quite good and entertaining to say the least.

I really enjoyed the dynamic between Dracula and Rensfield since they are more than just Master and Servant. You can see that they are friends and quite good friends at that. Rensfield is the type of friend that would take Dracula's secret to the grave. His friendship is absolute and Dracula therefore tolerates Rensfield's slights without a single retaliation and is even considerably gentle when he had to put him back in his place the one time he overstepped his boundaries.

What is more interesting is Van Helsing's relationship in all of this. A professor of medicine, a rogue anti-hero and a bitter soul. This is the man who is responsible for the return of the mighty vampire lord if only for his own purposes. Van Helsing though is not really a likable character, usually cold and aloof. He is not beyond torture, murder or black mail. An odd touch to such a man.

Two gentleman, no cup

The rest of the characters I feel is fodder unfortunately. Pawns in a much larger scale game, a deadly game these men play. Mina is simply clueless to the insanity, Lucy is stuck in her own little world, Johnathan Harker is a tool that ends up getting used in the end, and the huntress, she seems very distracted with her man eating love affairs and political dabblings. Only a few times does she go out and hunt vampires and yet her fighting scenes seem so rushed to be anything significant.

Story Flow/Writing:

I would have to say the story is paced very well until the last two episodes. It seems the writers were in a hurry to end the season and it was disappointing how many characters were murdered all at once. It feels like they might have found out around episode 8 that they were losing their jobs, so decided to burn the whole thing to the ground. I'm fairly disappointed in that since I had hope for a second season up until then.

What I did like about the series was that Dracula had so many amazing lines that really struck me deeply. The writers really had great wit among their team and I loved how truthful they were. Tons of quotable lines is still not a substitute for such a rushed ending [probably assuming they will not have another season].


What didn't strike my fancy:

1. The Opening Sequence - 

Adore the visuals, but the intro music is lacking to say the least. Im not sure if that is typical, but I am fond of good openings. Maybe its just me...but there aren't many that strike me that well. I think the only ones Ive liked lately were Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead.

LUCY. You got a lot of esplaining to do!

2.  Harker's sudden evil - 

I understand they were building this for a while, but it still seemed rushed. Why would he just do all of this out of spite? The enemy of my enemy is my friend? I mean he could do a lot more than what he did and still had been a free agent. Hes kind of a terrible character in my eyes.

3. Lucy's Turning - 

I'm not even sure why Dracula turned Lucy. Regardless of his haphazard reason...it seemed a pointless type of revenge. And you just left a cliffhanger thread for a series that might be cancelled. CURSE YOU NBC!

4. America - 

I am super confused how Dracula got to America only to return to London. So he gets resurrected to help Van Helsing...but when in God's name did he find time to board a train in America to buy up the property of some rich yahoo only to meet Rensfield? It makes no sense how or why he would go there in the first place. In the beginning Rensfield coaches him stating "You are an American Industrialist" as if this was the first time he ever heard it. Trying to cover his accent maybe a good start...but bloody hell...England English must have a LOT more words to remove or alter than just "schedule."

Free cars and sex for everyone! I got that vampire money.

5. Gold - 

Dracula is like Tony Stark rich, but we never really were explaiend where the money came from. Its hinted he some how made his wealth in America, but we still don't understand why he was there in the first place. The problem is, he's a little too wealthy. Tossing money left and right as if he shat this stuff out every morning. How can a man be that damn wealthy? Please tell me!

6. Mina/Ilona - 

Mina spends most of her time denying whatever affection she has for Dracula, but in the end tells him she dreams about this dead version of herself all the time. If she knew this, why didn't we spend more time on her understanding who Ilona was instead of sitting around studying medicine, arguing with Harker or partying with Lucy? So many missed opportunities to develop that dream Ilona and get to know her for more of a person...instead of a screaming, burning woman.

7. The vampire chick - 

How in the world did Dracula get the vampire chick out of the Huntsman's dungeon without her noticing? It seems she strolls down there every now and then to check up on the crazy monster just for amusements sake. Was the sex really that good?

WHY DIDN'T THIS HAPPEN?!

8. Turning the Huntsman - 

Dracula's most powerful enemy could have easily been turned to serve him and yet he honorably killed her instead. Confusing and also disappointing considering how powerful and useful she would have been.

9. Confusing powers - 

So Dracula's blood can turn anyone into a vampire, yet he bites Lucy and she is now a vampire. Please brush me up on my vampire knowledge...but I feel some how that is wrong. Also he can sense seers watching him but doesn't sense the last seer watching him? And now hes like a dog and can pick up on any scent to track some one down? What can't Dracula do? And if he could easily do that...why didn't he just track the Order wait until they had a meeting, lock the doors from the outside and BURN them alive inside? Why go through so much of the Order's political BS if Drac and friends were going to kill them all at some point?

Worst weapon ever, you morpheus wannabe!

1O. The special weapon that....didn't do a thing? -

The Huntsman was given an ancient weapon from the seer and....we still have no idea what it does because she stabbed him with it and he was totally unaffected. Its strange that her toys don't work on him, but Van Helsing's toys do. What makes Van Helsing's weapons better than hers? Also WHAT in God's name does the Blood of Christ thing do for the seer? That bleeding trick is creepy. 

11. The Wire Switch Deception - 

During the big demonstration, Kalwoski, the chief engineer noticed the press that Harker let in messing with the panel. They chalked it up to them bending over to fixing their camera. My question is, why didn't Kalwoski wait until they left to recheck the panel they were near? I would have if I was that suspicious to take action and demand to know what they were doing.

Also when Harker found out they were going to blow up the whole place, why didn't he wait for Mina to arrive at the demonstration so he could grab her? Why rush all the way to the hospital when he already knew she would be there because she TOLD HIM earlier. He had ample amount of time to stop the whole thing from blowing and yet he wasted it rushing to a place he knew she wouldn't be at.

The future! IT MUST DIE.

12. Time Period Accuracy - 

I feel like the shows producers REALLY took liberties in this world and made an underline steam punk feel. That's fine if you establish that in the beginning, but it was seriously trying hard to disguise that fact. So now I'm left wondering throughout most of the episodes which devices actually existed during 1896 England. And I am PRETTY sure rave lights was not one of them.

13. Too Progressive? - 

As much as I loved the progressiveness of the characters, I felt it was too modern 21st century to really justify why there wasn't more racism/sexism within the story plot. I mean, Rensfield IS the only black guy in London, England it seems. And he runs free like a commoner which I am unsure how progressive England was at the time, but I figured he would look out of place and get more dirty looks than he had. Also women in this time period. Sure they did have "some" sexism, but not nearly enough. A woman like Lucy would have been married off a long time ago instead of playing around with boys [or girls, tee hee!]. Mina would have been disrespected constantly in her testosterone filled class of future doctors. Heck, Harker would have never dropped his pride so easily to accept Mina. But strangely, even though this has bugged me, it didn't really deter me from enjoying the show.

Can we at least get more vampire porn?

Final Thoughts: So if you are looking for an interesting show and are bored on a Friday, I would say give Dracula a try. All ten episodes are free on Hulu. However, don't take this too seriously, or your brain can hurt quite a bit. Even though it has its flaws, I really found myself drawn in by the characters. Or at the very least, Dracula. Johnathan Rhys Meyer is a fabulous actor and I hope he gets treatment in time to make a second season. Come on John...get it together. For the fans!

What did you think of the new NBC show, Dracula? Reply in the comments below!


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DnD Rating: 7/1O

American Hustle - Revealing 97% of the plot in the first Quarter since 2O13

American Hustle still holds a solid 93% and I don't understand the piss why. This is the second movie this year that has been overrated for me. Maybe I am just getting too use to these big movies expecting a pay off. So any way, David O. Russell brings back his all star cast, Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper and Robert DeNiro while tacking on a few more [Christian Bale and Amy Adams]. A lot of people state this is supposed to be a Scorcese like movie and if Wolf of Wallstreet is any indication on how this was going to turn out, this is definitely a good comparison. Here comes a different kind of review because...well I can.

How can two cons be so stupid to let this dipshit fool them?

So here is the quick synopsis of this story. Two cons get conned by an ambitious and pigheaded FBI agent to take down a politician by recording him taking bribes. During this time they make friends with the target and place people to make the deal solid. However Ritchie [the FBI agent] becomes too ambitious and begins to push for more, exposing a possible upset in the plan. The cons are trying to find a way out of this mess, but it gets trickier as they get deeper into the operations.

So what do I have to say about this film? It was trying to be all cryptic ops like, but it couldn't even do the most basic thing a movie with a twist ending needs, KEEP THE AUDIENCE GUESSING. They gave us way too much info to make the ending matter. It also was a terrible set up. The sting operation was only a background piece compared to the drama between the characters. The story was just too character heavy and not story driven enough.

Big man Ritchie is walking the dogs

The worst part is you start off with the beginning of the sting and then take a 4O min detour in the background of the characters. Which is..horrifying as a storyteller. Its almost never beneficial to switch from present to past for a lengthy period of time with something that can easily be expressed in a few scenes of conversations. And that is where Russell fails to pull off in the end. I didn't think for one second Amy Adam's character was really in love with the FBI agent. It would have been more of a shock if I never got to hear her say she will seduce him because they need an extra card at the end. Thanks...thanks for spoiling the entire movie.

The worst fake arab ever. Thank God Google wasn't invented.

Also...NARRATION. There are so many great possibilities that can be done without it. Narration in a movie is a lazy man's way to pump out an unwanted scene in a script and not push your cast to perform toward a higher level of emotion. Whenever I see narration, the movie already starts racking negative points. Spoon feeding the audience is a horrible way to begin, continue or end a story. It is almost never needed if you have the right cast and good script writers. Even the Hobbit doesn't use it and we know Bilbo is telling the lads a story!!

Another important thing to mention is the soundtrack is horrible. Its just a terrible mishmash of songs from that time period that do not gel with the movie at all. Jefferson Airplane's "white rabbit" [one of my fav oldies] doesn't even freaken make sense when it appears during the time Rosalyn rushes to the bathroom. Rosalyn wasn't high, she was just wasted and crazy. Which seemed like a typical Rosalyn issue.

You go girl. Power scrub that floor!

Other songs like Donna Summer's "I Feel Love" also crop up in weird places like the dance floor during a not so loving moment. People may not realize how critical a soundtrack is until it is terribly mismatched, but its pretty important for one to pull a vibe off of each scene. Should I feel excited? Tense? Happy? Peaceful? Sexy? Emotional?

Music can drive that, but it can never replace good acting. But you know what's really hilarious? Jennifer Lawrence singing Paul Mccartney's Live and Let Die while cleaning the house. You can hear other characters sing in this story as well. Personally I think this would have been better if it was a musical.

The only interesting characters were shockingly Rosalyn and Irving. Irving was complicated for a con artist and I liked how he wanted not only to win, but also be a good man at the same time. Irving's portrayal was fantastically done by Christian Bale. His wife, Rosalyn was hilarious. She was the monkey wrench in all of Irving's plans and she was a bit on the crazy side, which made her colorful compared to the bland characters involved.

Those curls are the equivalent of duck face photos

Amy Adams was convincing as the female version of the con man, however her character was uninteresting in the grand scheme of things as she lures FBI agent Ritchie in. And Ritchie...don't get me started. His curls make me want to slap him. They are horribly ugly and there really is just no shred of decency with this guy. But I would accept this because he is essentially the villain in this story except for the fact that he feels like every Bradly Cooper character ever performed. Talk about Buzz Kill. Bradley Cooper, no matter how cute he is [and hes adorable], is a terrible method actor. He is the same character with different clothing and that makes it hard for me to see anything through him.

My final beef with this movie is the quote in the beginning "Some of this happened." Now this movie was based off of an actual sting and the characters involved represented the people involved. However much is left to the imagination and that element of realism is almost unnecessary considering this was just loosely based and given plenty of artistic freedom. What was the point of even mentioning it? So people can be drawn into how real it is? This is the world of google search, nothing escapes this generation's finger tips. That line would have worked better with a 195Os crowd.

And I don't even have the decency to finish this review...

The End.

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DnD Rating: 4/1O

Anything after the credits? No

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty - A Day Dreamer's Fantasy into Real Life

When I saw the rating the Secret Life of Walter Mitty received, I was a bit shocked. Ben Stiller has always been consistent with his movies. However he hasn't done a lot of non-comedic films and I am always reminded how much this one feels like Will Ferrel's "Stranger than Fiction." I do agree though that this story, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, was tough to adapt to the screen. How can you possibly stay true to the story when its barely a page or two long? Besides that, the story lacked any sort of point or resolution that I could see. It would make sense to adapt it into a more relateable piece that expressed a message and I loved the message of this film. As some one that constantly day dreams and has wild fantasies, this movie tells you to get out there and live.

Initial Thoughts:

Day Dreaming of Her...Watch Your Back.

I thought that Stiller did a good job on recreating the essence of what The Secret Life of Walter Mitty was about. This is a story about a man who day dreams too much to get away from his current life. Something we all can relate to when we don't want to be working in our dead end jobs or be with our bitchy spouses with a house full of screaming kids.

Surprisingly, there was no one to fight against Mitty's dreams, unlike the written version where he had a wife that nagged him at every turn. It seemed the world around him is used to his zoning out and accepts that is the way he is. What I really appreciated about the film is it felt like you were looking through a magazine. I was impressed by being pushed to see the words written on the walls, on the streets, on signs, and bus stops. It caused me to pay attention more and appreciate the beautiful long shots that featured some of the most stunning scenes I have seen in a movie. *Sigh* Its so dreamy.

Interesting characters:

The story definitely didn't lack a swathe of interesting characters. There are so many to mention: the drunk helicopter pilot that got dumped, the fisherman crew that was hustling to the one bike on the entire island to get to the nudie bar, the afghans that liked clementine cake. Well lets see...who else?

You have the work bully, Ted, who is the new manager that has came in to shut down the publishing division of Time Magazine so they can put up the web division instead. He pretty much looks and sounds like a douche and haunts Walter for negative photo 25...the "Quintessence of Life" and Sean's best photo yet. Too bad Walt can't find it.

You jerk...you made Mitty come all that way for nothing

You have the mystery man, Mr. Sean O'Connell, the brilliant photographer he has worked with for years, but had never met in person. Yes, Sean is a man's man. The guy that Walt and every man wants to be. He has ventured into dangerous territory to get some of the best photos Life has produced over the years. He only trusts Walt with his work and seemed to have an appreciative nature toward Mr. Mitty.

You have the family support, a sister that tries to push/claw/bribe Mitty out of his shell and a mother who is full of life lessons and strength for Walter when he is down. They seem like a great family and Walt shows how dedicated he is in taking care of them.

You have the instigator, Todd from Eharmony who roots for Mitty, pushing him to finish his profile so he can attract his love interest in winking at him. [by the way, Eharmony sucks, just saying] Ha. Todd. What a trip. He was a great distraction at times during the long points of the movie when Walt was traveling.

Also last, but not least, the love interest, Cheryl. The mysterious, perfectly normal starting intern with a son. Cheryl is a fairly one dimensional character and seems to remain flat throughout the movie. Its odd, but she is so normal it bothers me. However it doesn't take away from my enjoyment.

Colors and Details:

Ballin Detail. Run Mitty, Run! DESTINY AWAITS!

Like I mentioned before, the words that blended into the shots were a work of art in itself. There were so many messages that you don't always catch. Just like in this still shot of Walter running past all of the iconic photographs of Life magazine. See the top right hand and bottom left corner? It states: Walter Mitty's Personal Album - Making of a Brave Man / Astronaut Walter Mitty. That indicates "explorer" mode doesn't it? Going into unknown territory and becoming that man he wants to be. How cool is that?

All of this caused me to pay attention to how beautifully artistic this movie was. Its highly recommended to see this film in IMAX considering all the stunning visuals. I also felt that there were a lot of great color choices used for this film. The way Walter dressed was almost like a black and white television screen. No life..very plain, meek. Even his work place seemed so plain. Then when he went on his adventure he chose reds, the colors of the world were vibrant just like his fantasies. There were also a lot of dreamy blues, lively greens and other wonderful details that drove my senses wild. It really impressed me as an artist that he took this story and made it so visual [like the world he worked in] it became a feast for the eyes.

Story:

This would be faster if he just said he liked her...THE END

The story itself wasn't bad per say, but I felt like it could have said more. It seemed like the story was rather safe and didn't present anything deeper which is where I felt it missed the mark on being "ever lasting." What I do love though was the quirky, nonverbal humor. That part of acting where you can laugh even when nothing has been said. The acting from Stiller was excellent and I could feel the power of each action he took as a significant step in his recovery to return to living life. Although I was a little pissed at the real answer to where the missing negative 25 photo was. If I was Walter, I would have choked the man on that mountain. His answer felt like a horrible waste of time going through this entire journey where you practically felt like the dude was leaving clues. Which he wasn't. He was just a dumb photographer that wanted to be cute about it.

But that was not the real mystery, was it? The desire to find out WHAT was that amazing photo he took remains a secret all the way til the end. And I called it as soon as I heard him rant how great it was, but refused to tell him. I will let you all figure out what was negative 25 for your own viewing pleasure. But it was the best treat of all and I couldn't imagine a better ending to the story.



And now time for what Walter Mitty SHOULDN'T have dreamt about:

1. The Benjamin Button Fantasy - I know that is everyone's favorite part, but my God, the horrors of a man baby curling up next to his full grown wife is creepy. A horrible, horrible fantasy.

Stretch Dragon Ball Z on 22nd and 9th St.

2. The Stretch Armstrong Fight - Hilarious at first, it tends to run its course a bit longer than it should and turn into practically a ninja, street surfing fight scene where stretch gives the "oh crap" face and comes to life.

3. Walter's past [not a dream...]- I liked peeking into his past...but that mohawk was just unbelievably out of character. I am just questioning, how can a man change so much?

4. Cell Phone Reception [this has to be a dream because I can't get good reception in California, much less these places] - I don't know what plan Walter is on, but it has some ridiculously fabulous reception on those snowy mountain peaks. And why didn't he use that on the boat if he had a phone that entire time? Christ Mitty. Get it together.

Please tell me how this shit was possible...

5. Crossing into Afghanistan from Yemen [totally not a dream] - I think most people don't know their geography, but YEMEN ISN'T EVEN CLOSE TO AFGHANISTAN. He never mentions how he gets to Afghanistan because he has to cross more than one country just to find Sean O'Connell some where in the mountains. This is not a short hike at all.

There could have had multiple outcomes that would have ended with Walter being dead in almost every scenario.

So to wrap this up, I really do believe this movie should get more credit than it got. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is a gem that is bright and interesting in its own way. A sweet story about a man who never lived his life up until he was force to become the hero he always wanted to be. The graphics are beautiful, the music is inspiring, and you will find yourself rooting for Mitty all the way through.

Open Your World. Live Life!

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DnD's Rating: 8/1O

Anything After the Credits? Nope, however there are some great things going on during the credits that you might want to stick around for.

Quick Thoughts: "The Other Woman": A Venture into the Flip Side of Cheating

 
The Other Woman is about a woman named Emilia [Natalie Portman] that has the hots for a handsome lawyer, Jack Wolf, and then proceeds to break up his marriage [with a very angry Lisa Kudrow might I add. Yikes!]. The movie doesn't go into too much detail about the beginning except for the fact that his marriage was already falling apart. However the aftermath is really where the movie takes place.

The focus is on Emilia and her mixed emotions inside. She marries Jack under the premise she was pregnant with their child. However beautiful baby, Isabelle, dies suddenly only three days into her life and this is where the main focus takes place. Almost like a cruel punishment, Emilia's sensitivity shows any time anyone mentions anything remotely insensitive about Isabelle. Take into account crazy ex-wife berating her at every turn, an annoyingly kid that takes everything literally while complaining and sprinkle in some daddy issues; you got one hell of a drama.

Unlike most relationships that start as cheating, this one at least attempts to be a family as Emilia tries to move past her issues. I just hate seeing Natalie Portman cry with those big brown eyes. Awww. She's just so adorable when she's sad. Don't cry on screen Natalie, it gets worse before it gets better. Am I right?

But seriously... to the rest of you 'other women' out there, don't take this movie as a sign that things will get better. Apparently only 5% of marriages that start off this way actually do. So 95% of the world is against you. Unless you are Natalie Portman...then things will always get better.

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DnD Quick Thoughts Rating: 8/1O

Netflix Streamable: Yes!

The Wolf of Wallstreet: A Three Hour Obnoxious Ode to Wallstreet's Most Enterprising Criminals

 
The Wolf of Wall Street is about the life of Jordan Belmont [Leonardo DiCaprio] and his merry pack of thieves. A film set up with an all star cast, including Jonah Hill, Matthew McConaughey and that dude, Shane from the Walking Dead [glad you got work as Zombie Shane] and directed by the legend himself, Martin Scorsese [Taxi Driver, Goodfellas, Hugo, Raging Bull, etc].


Down and Dirty [just how we like it]:

Let the Midget tossing commence!

This was so not a small 18O minutes, it felt more like 5 hours. Painfully drawn out. Even the Hobbit felt short in comparison. No, this is a monster of a movie about a man addicted to the high of money, booze, babes and blow. Get ready for a long winded story about the man behind Stratton Oakmont's dirty business and  the fall of an empire.

Get ready for a lot of scenes with snorting, drinking, screaming, screwing, partying, and madness at this hyper indulgent biopic of a Wall Street criminal.







Story:

Im still extorting money by enticing you to watch me screw you.

I have read the story of the Wolf of Wall Street years ago. A man who laundered and extorted billions of dollars through his company. But why? Because we let him. Say what you want about Jordan Belfort, but he was only extorting one of the most ugly emotions of human nature, greed. The story leaps from panel to panel of Jordan's life and the fat cash he has made, becoming King of the Mountain in a few short years. But like all people who roll the dice, his luck ran out in the end.

We would hope that a story like this ends poorly for such a vile example of an anti-hero [if we can even call Mr. Belfort that], but it honestly doesn't. Sure he loses the house, the wife, the kids, and the cash, but hes still kicking in the end. Because a true villain never seems to die, he always manages to recreate himself differently.

Overall the story was drawn out, with scenes that were funny, but took up way too much film time to be impactful and punchy the way the film seems to present itself. The FBI agent parts seemed considerably underwhelming until the end where they finally nail Belfort on camera. Hilarious.


Characters:

Don't worry there is plenty where this came from...

Just a long collection of douche bags that have a taste of the high life and yell the F word every other word. I guess that is the language of Wall Street, but the film seems to present these men as heroes of the trading world. The person you want to idolize in getting rich and the powerful elite. They were untouchable and acted as such. Nothing was too much for these power houses as they steam rolled through each scene.

Leonardo DiCaprio has a flair for the rich prick. I have never seen him in The Great Gatsby, but I certainly have seen his role as Mr. Candy in Django Unchained and I saw a bit of that same rich prick charm in Jordan. The type of charm that contains a hint of smugness that makes you burn inside with anger.

Jonah Hill still plays a fat guy that sounds like a Jewish New Yorker. Jonah's Donny represents Danny Porush, one of Jordan's real life close friends. A man who quit his job to work for Jordan so he could be rich like him. Donny soon becomes Belfort's right hand man and confident as they roll through life in their limos and ferraris.

The rest of the cast is purely just side talk as the focus is all on Jordan and his ridiculousness.


Emotions:

This picture about sums it up....

I honestly didn't feel a lick of sympathy for these guys. The emotions in this film was rather upbeat, light hearted, and comically sarcastic for a film about an enterprising criminal. This could have been presented intentionally to show that Belfort was a total douche that deserved everything he got in the end. But it made me feel more like why am I watching some one prey on the poor? It wasn't easy for me to like his character at all, although his inner monologue was hilarious at times.

But I digress. The witty sarcasm presented in the movie was lost after a while to stupidity and arrogance. Jordan could have clearly bailed out when he knew he was in hot water, but like any addict, he had to roll the dice one last time. And he lost. I just don't believe he learned his lesson in the end. Unlike most people, he got stuck in a white collar prison for a few years, got out to write a book and continued making money as a motivational speaker bringing in tons of people. Think about that. A guy who cheated people millions, is still being paid by people to teach them to get rich. That's like paying a 7-11 thief how to get a job at 7-11.

So what lesson do we take from all of this? That everyone gets their due? That all good things must come to an end? That the rich always get a second chance? Its hard to tell with this Scorsese film. Regret is a word that least comes to mind when it comes to Jordan Belfort.


Violence:

For the most part, there isn't much violence in this film until the very end when things unravel. There is a scene where Jordan hits his wife, twice. It didn't bother me as much [because gosh...it was something different for a change. Hooray for fake spousal abuse!], but it made half the audience faint. So if you are sensitive to female violence, I would just...cover your eyes or make a trip to the bathroom after his second wife asks for a divorce. You aren't missing much.


What Grinds My Gears:

Me. Me. Me.

1. Talking to the Camera - We all know Jordan is telling this story, but its almost self-imposing and narcissistic to tell it yourself. It was probably intentional, but it jolted me out of the story a lot. I never liked the personal insertion of the narrator in any kind of film.

2. Jonah Hill - I'm not exactly sure how accurate Jonah's interpretation of Danny Porush was, but he was not my favorite character. He felt like the second hand henchman to a villain instead of his own dynamic entity Also why didn't this guy upgrade his glasses after being filthy rich? The guy still wore the same horrible glasses since the beginning. Are they afraid people wouldn't recognize Jonah at all without it? I mean..hes Jonah..the only fat guy on screen. How can we miss him?

3. Hrs of Indulgence for What? - What really bugged me was that story telling quickly took a back seat to a marathon of scenes featuring drugs, sex, and alcohol. To the point where it literally got boring to watch. This is the same problem Don Jon had. After every other scene being porn/sex or the talk of porn/sex it had me thinking, "All right already. I get it. He likes porn and sex. Skip please."

The gang...that nobody got to know.

4. Why were the other characters introduced? - There were 4 or 5 other people introduced in this story that made "appearances" but we didn't really know a damn thing about them. I thought at some point they would be fleshed out more, but they never did.

5. What happened to Matthew McConaughey? - I really want to know what happened to that guy. If he was such a great stock broker...you would figure he would have showed up at Stratton Oakmont at some point.

6. Backing up - Sometimes backing up was necessary and funny. Such as the scene where Jordan is so high, he thinks he drove his car safely back home when instead he wrecked the living shit out of it. However this backing up routine is used frequently and a bit unnecessarily for my tastes.

7. The language - I know this is New York and all, but gosh. Does every other word really need to be the "F" word?  I am not sensitive to curse words at all, but diversity people! Diversity!

Overall the Wolf of Wallstreet does have some charm to it from scene to scene. Unfortunately the story is so long it becomes hard to appreciate it toward the end. When you think it is ending...it doesn't for a good 4O minutes. Why this film got such a high rating initially is beyond me. I think they could have cut an extra 45 minutes and it would have been relatively the same story. Now if you excuse me, I got to go wash all the "F"'s off of me.

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DnD Rating: 6/1O